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best friend has such good game/confidence that it ruins mine
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Author:  jrs87 [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:00 am ]
Post subject:  best friend has such good game/confidence that it ruins mine
Im at uni now and went to stay at my mates for a week. Havnt seen him in ages so I forgot how good his game is.

Any group of people he is in he will always dominate it by being really talkative and confidence and very funny. Before long all three attention is on him and he can do this even if he doesn't know the group. The girls end up fancying him and flirting with him and he is always the alpha male of group.

I never realised before how powerful it odd being like this and its a real weak point for me. His dominance and confidence and his cocky wit just makes it so easy for him to get girls.

If I'm with him it just makes me go quiet because out makes me feel that whatever I say wont get add good of a response as what he would say. I can be quiet in certain situations anyway especially with new people but with him his confidence just drowns mine out.

Its made me realise how badly I need to get more confidence with talking to people. Talking to one person Im much better but in groups I find it really hard. How can get more confidence?

Ps. He is quite a big guy and I'm taller but much skinnier and im wondering if being big makes others treat you more alpha or perhaps gives you more confidence which in turn makes you more alpha?
(I think theres an primal instinct to respect guys that are physically bigger than you and I think being big would mean you could get away with more as people are less likely to confront you, hence the confidence)
Author:  Tahoe [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:00 am ]
Post subject: 
I had a similar situation with my roommate a while ago and the problem lies completely in framing and your limiting voice.

No doubt your friend projects an air of confidence when you're around him, but by perceiving him as Alpha, you are unwittingly also viewing yourself as beta, thus making you feel uncool and quiet.

INSTEAD alter your frame. Start perceiving your friend (And all other "Naturals" you think exhibit alpha tendencies) as on the same level as you. Instead of viewing him as competition, us him to boost your own energy within the group. You friend who was previously a threat under your old frame is now just another opportunity to exhibit your own confidence and energy.

True alpha males are not phased by anything. Dont let yourself be and you won't
Author:  Black Phantom [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 10:57 am ]
Post subject: 
I had the exact same situation with my friend. He was talkative much more than me and much more confident.

At first, I was bothered by it and wanted to compete with him. But after I thought about it, I realized I need to be a student from him.

Not every day will you meet someone with that kind of confidence. So instead being bothered by it, learn from him.

Learn how he behaves in situations, what responses does he come up with and just make a note in your mind.

Result= After becoming a student of what he does, I improved my game and after a while reached his level.

Just don't go into competing with him. Become his student.
Author:  Rundeep [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 11:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I had the exact same situation with my friend. He was talkative much more than me and much more confident.

At first, I was bothered by it and wanted to compete with him. But after I thought about it, I realized I need to be a student from him.

Not every day will you meet someone with that kind of confidence. So instead being bothered by it, learn from him.

Learn how he behaves in situations, what responses does he come up with and just make a note in your mind.

Result= After becoming a student of what he does, I improved my game and after a while reached his level.

Just don't go into competing with him. Become his student.
You are right.
Author:  Sybax [ Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lol that happened to me last night. It was the first time I saw him in action, and I was extremely surprised at his level of PUA, and how dominant he is in the conversation. I could barely put 2 words in there lol.
Author:  nnguy625 [ Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:46 am ]
Post subject: 
I totally agree with Black Fanthom! Don't compete, watch him, pay attention to the way he acts, how he acts, how he talks, his posture, and whatever you see. Pick up on his energy, his vibe. Simply learn from him. Let go of your ego, and pay attention to what works and apply it to your life. So that next time you hang out with your buddy, instead of competing, you're complimenting him by playing along, and he will compliment you by playing along too. You guys aren't overshadowing each other anymore. You guys are just out having fun, having a good time, and laugh at each others' antics. Hope that helps. 8)




- Nelson
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