Though I know it will not last long, I feel good about myself. Not in the way that I usually do, but in the way a normal human would. I have been playing this new role for only a short time now, blending in with these new people, being accepted. I notice some of them question how I manage be accepted so quickly, almost as if I have been here for months, rather than weeks. If only they knew I could read most of the cards in their hands. Maybe then they would understand..
When I play an identity long enough, I become that person. I almost forget that I am different, but never truly. This is when I feel most human. I become influenced by my social surroundings and once I gain control, I become the influencer of the socials. I pretend I have high value and high social status, and when people begin to believe, it begins to become true. The Idea of articulating this masterpiece is so beautiful to me.
There was a time when I wanted to help people with their social issues. Until I met Blake. He was similar to me, yet very different. I shared with him, my knowledge, my past. He shared with me, nothing, for he had nothing to share. He is now someone confident, and very entertaining to our peers. I see him at the least, equal to me in every social encounter either of us is faced with. Sometimes he’s better. I cannot help but feel strong jealousy towards him. I am used to being on top, the most desired, if time permits.
I refuse to play his character. It’s not that I don’t like his characteristics, we are actually very similar. It is the fact that I cannot be better than him if I copy him, I will only be equal, and that is not good enough.
As one of my greatest rivals, he shall never know.