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Im going through the Blueprint Decoded and my confidence is building. However, I find my confidence is at a good level when I am dealing with strangers. Today I seen 3 girls I knew from high school, while I wasnt as nervous as I used to be, I wasnt nearly as confident as I was with strangers.
Anyone else go through this? I wasnt popular in high school and I went back to that frame when talking to them.
EVERYONE does this unless they become consciously aware of it happening as it's happening and starts correcting the behavior. It must be as it is happening (and preparing before, that's what training does) because "d'oh" later doesn't help....well, unless you plan to post in a forum and get help that is Anyone else go through this? I wasnt popular in high school and I went back to that frame when talking to them.
Tyler does mention this....the one part I specifically remember is ROLES, but there are others. The basic idea is that once you get into a set role with a person, you'll tend to go back towards that role each time you see them. CONSISTENCY is part of this too. You already acted a certain way with those girls back in high school, and any new changes/maturing you've done sort of throw those girls off a bit because they haven't been there for the change, so, there will be a very very subtle thing that goes on where they act a bit odd/confused/attracted at some aspect of the "new you", you subconsciously notice the unusual reaction, stop the behavior (or even worse, apologize, not saying you did), slide back into older behavior, they shift back, and your roles/behaviors are more in line with what they are used to. You did resist a slide all the way back, GREAT!!!, but as you think back on it, you'll begin to become more consciously aware of the pressure you didn't notice at the time it was happening. Now that you're aware of it, the next time you run into them you'll keep more of your confidence, maybe even all of it!
So, relax. Again, EVERYONE does this when they run into girls they used to know when they were less confident (to some extent), you can get it to the point where it's not noticeable, and I'll compare it to how it will happen in the future now you're becoming more confident and tell you about a weird twist.
Girls you meet now will form a general unconscious "map" of your behavior that develops over several hours. It is a VERY good idea *at first* while you are learning to keep your first social interactions with women short, like an hour or so, whatever you feel is the amount of time where you are in your "A-game" (even 10 minutes, if that's what you're comfortable with) and then mysteriously have something you have to go do. The girl will then form a more solid view internally about your roles and what type of person you are. In the meantime, you're looking at the GOOD aspects of your behavior during that interaction....and I don't mean spending days, I mean having a checklist or something similar where you check off "indifferent", "playful", "environment comfort", etc.. (whatever your personal set of qualities you want is) right after the interaction. Lather, Rinse, Repeat, and this WILL become more and more part of your identity and you'll become more and more resistant to what happened when you ran into those girls you already knew. At some point in your future, it'll happen, you'll be aware of it, and automatically correct. Then, later, you won't even do that anymore, you'll be the same cool, confident guy wherever you go.
Here's the twist. Lets' say you meet a girl and she gets used to your developed maturity/masculinity and really loves it. Then, one day, you and her run into those girls from the high school. There will be a very complicated dynamic going on where you're really confident, but when you start talking to the other girls your ROLE/PERSONALITY with them will put unconscious (well, not unconscious now!) pressure on you to be less confident and generally act like those girls are more important than others.
Here is where it gets really murky and it's hard to say with any precision, but a generic situation like this is very common.
(if you were not aware of this, it's likely, now that you're aware, you can stop it from happening)
You are confident, your girlfriend is confident in you. She's happy.
You both run into the girls.
You subtly keep switching confidence levels depending on who's talking, your GF or another girl.
She unconsciously picks up on your "status" drop....which means (to her) those girls are higher status
Her emotions sound alarms "he's more interested in them than me, THREAT!" (bc they effect you emotionally more than her)
She starts acting odd, maybe a bit biatchy, you wonder WTF did I do, they're just friends?
etc etc etc
As you become more and more aware of how you are behaving, noticing subtle changes in your behavior, and getting rid of it, this won't happen, and even an opposite thing will start to happen. When you're confident in all situations, the above scenario, would look more like.
You are confident, your girlfriend is confident in you. She's happy.
You both run into the girls.
You are the prize, you are not effected by the girls.
Your girlfriend perceives that you are unaffected, her status is secure, she's friendly with the girls, and actually secretly pleased that she attracted an awesome guy.
She farks your brains out when you get home because when a woman is with a guy who doesn't play the status game, and is always at 100%, she feels like a winner every time she sees you interacting with other people. She has an Alpha Male.