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Complete Lack Of Inner Game
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Author:  Kerbing [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 4:28 am ]
Post subject:  Complete Lack Of Inner Game
As above really. Never had any confidence with women until my Ex approached me. Whilst in the relationship with her, I felt much better about myself and felt a lot more confident with girls. Now that we split up, about 3 months ago, I've completely lost the confidence I had.

Therefore, I'm now finding it difficult to try to pick up girls. This may be also due to the fact I rarely did this before. I usually let the girls come to me.

I've started working out in an attempt to try and improve my physique as this is probably were the lack of confidence comes from (19st at 16).

So... Can someone advise me on how to get that confident feeling back, preferably without resorting to alcohol?

Cheers!
Author:  Kerbing [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:28 am ]
Post subject: 
After reading the link, I found that I have before used a method or 2 in the past without realising it. "Faking Confidence" is what I have tried to do for the past 3 or 4 years and it has worked really well.

This may also be due to the weight loss I achieved in this period also, but at the moment, it does not work as well as it used to.

Time to try something else!
Author:  Keera [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was in your situation just a little over a year ago, marred with self-defeating thoughts and insecurities that stunted growth in almost all areas of my life. I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't eating well, and carried an pissed-off demeanor with me everywhere I went.

Now, I know they say that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck. In other words, if you don't have confidence, you should probably just fake it til you make it. But that's just partially true. Faking confidence won't get rid of your insecurities, it just sweeps them under the rug- and sooner or later they will resurface, and things can get ugly. It's about as effective as going out and getting hammered just so you can temporarily lose your approach anxiety to talk to a chick. Sure, it works alright- but it's not sustainable.

So, how can you improve your inner game so that you can emanate true confidence rather than a veneer of one? I recommend that you begin taking interests in things outside of dating, reevaluate your life and find goals and projects that you're passionate about pursuing. Find fun things to do on a weekly basis that aren't simply means to succeeding in dating, but ends that you do just for the sake of doing. For me, this meant learning new languages on my free time, taking up swimming lessons, and finally getting started on the Books-to-Read list that I constructed years ago. What this does is that it detaches your need to feign confidence by imbuing your life with fun and excitement- ingredients of true confidence. By finding things to do or cool things to learn, you immediately have something going for you in your life. Neediness disappears, because you don't need girls to have fun, and next thing you know you have girls flocking to you because they want in on all the fun you're having in your life. Sure, it sounds like a mouthful of mumbo jumbo, but the truth of the matter is that if you can't find confidence in yourself to live a fulfilling life without validation from outside parties, you can never be truly confident because deep down you know that you're just living a lie.

There seems to be people who really believe that faking confidence can make you confident, but that's about as true as telling yourself that faking intelligence can make you intelligence. All it really does is give you an attitude, but in the long run, attitude ain't enough. And once that special girl leaves your life, everything falls apart because you've never bothered to create that confidence safety net for yourself. So go out there, and start making a life for yourself that isn't centered solely on the act of "gaining confidence around girls", and soon you'll find yourself in the company of more girls than you can handle.

Best of luck!
Author:  Kerbing [ Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I recommend that you begin taking interests in things outside of dating
Yeah, have done this, more so in order to broaden my own horizons more than seem more appealing but if it helps both then I won't complain. Started to go to the gym a lot as improving my body and trying to lose weight has been a goal of mine for a long time. Currently successful but it's slow going with more to go.

Thanks for the advice!
Author:  seins345 [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:39 am ]
Post subject: 
if you have crap body, crap habits, crap life, of COURSE you are gonna feel like you are the shittiest guy on the planet because well.... you are.

What makes you unconfident? ur body? i know it takes time to get a six pack but its your life dont be lazy, if u are lazy u cant expect girls go crazy about u, put in their shoes, they dont wanna a guy that wants things easy that does not have the balls to live his life fully, u unconfident about looks? FIX IT, dont think u are interesting guy? well then make ur life interesting, thats the solution, make the best of u, it takes a lot of time if u were lazy but its the only solution, no books are gonna help u
Author:  Kerbing [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
if you have crap body, crap habits, crap life, of COURSE you are gonna feel like you are the shittiest guy on the planet because well.... you are.

What makes you unconfident? ur body? i know it takes time to get a six pack but its your life dont be lazy, if u are lazy u cant expect girls go crazy about u, put in their shoes, they dont wanna a guy that wants things easy that does not have the balls to live his life fully, u unconfident about looks? FIX IT, dont think u are interesting guy? well then make ur life interesting, thats the solution, make the best of u, it takes a lot of time if u were lazy but its the only solution, no books are gonna help u
I'm far from lazy. I currently work in a PE department. Gym 6 days a week, rugby when the season is on and currently taking up MMA.

Just because I'm unconfident with my body does not mean I am lazy. I'd say I'm quite an interesting guy with a variety of hobbies.

I haven't got a great body at all. Due to being an obese child. But I have lost nearly 5 stone in about 3 years. Got a bit to go yet, but as I said before, I'm not lazy. :wink:
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