Alright, let's get this out of the way first : I do drugs (marijuana very regularly, but hey, that isn't really a drug), and some of the harder stuff recreationally. I know the pros and cons, and this is my experience as a daily marijuana smoker.
Actually, if you do anything simply as recreation, and not regularly, it is not going to affect your confidence or self-esteem, or anything in your life. So squash that thought if it's a joint you smoke every week or a line you do every month.
As a heavy cannabis user, I can absolutely testify that there is nothing better in the world. I've been smoking every day for the past 2 years (with a few tolerance breaks every now and then), and honestly, my life has only been on the up side since then. I gained confidence, started going to the gym, lost all excess weight, put my grades to the top and got better with many things, be it the band or women. I believe that the drug opened a new dimension in my frame of mind and 'set me free' a little bit.
Yet, I'd also have to tell you that the strength of marijuana is only felt after several months of heavy use. These months would be where you'd feel all the ill effects of the drug : paranoia, racing heart and whatsoever. After this phase is the bliss, where the drug allows you to do whatever you wish with newfound confidence and strong belief. It ceases to be a drug from then on. Mind you, it takes great control to balance the strength of the drug and the weight of your actions - too many people waste away to the drug without ever realizing it's potential.
I usually smoke a joint before going in-field because I find it gives me more humor, a better spectra of words, and it lightens things up. I don't go shouting to the world that I'm high, and I never reek of it, I prefer the drug to stay within me and 'do its thing'. Between my face and my target's boobs, only I know that I'm high.
I'm somewhat passionate about this issue not because I'm an 'addict' (which I am not), but because the drug actually has an amazing potential. You have to get over the 'Cheech and Chong' and 'Harold and Kumar' depictions of so called 'stoners'. I know there are people like that, who live that way : but they need to get the fuck off their couch and do something if they don't like their lives.
However, only you decide what affects your self-esteem. If you choose to remain a wuss, then no drug will rid you of that, and no drug would make you one. Drugs also interact with different people in different ways. I absolutely love marijuana but I have a few friends who've had some difficult experiences with the drug, be it anxiety or panic attacks. At the end of the day, we can't generalize the situation.
All said and done, simply stop smoking if you think it's fucking you up and notice if your personality changes after quitting. If you feel you like life without weed better, then live it; otherwise you can always go back and start smoking again!
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