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The Wall of Attraction - Advice Me
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Author:  Jocker [ Tue Jun 15, 2010 12:06 pm ]
Post subject:  The Wall of Attraction - Advice Me
Hello Gamers,

So I got into game about 6 months ago, due to the fact I'm at my graduation year engineering, I didn't sarge much, but I read tons of books about NLP and game, basically everything I can put my hands on, my head is a jumbled mess!
When I sarge (very rare about twice a month) I find myself completely lost between methods, reading too much might not be a very good idea in this particular subject, I got 2 closes only for the last 6 months, both went nowhere because of me mostly.

Just for record, a few years ago I loved a girl and got screwed with a severe condition of onitis, when I left to study we got completely separated, it's not her fault or mine really it's just the messed up crap we go through in our lives, for two years she didn't really leave my head or heart but I didn't make any effort to keep in touch (stupid old self), then I heard she got married and as you may expect, about 6 months of depression... (yeah laugh go ahead, I'm laughing myself :lol: ) man.. that was a long time ago.

But all of that is not my real problem, the problem is that I have some sort of a wall that I put between me and girls that I sarge, making any kind of connection almost impossible, I mean I can fake a connection but I get tired of it quickly, I don't think I'm ready to love or be loved, or may be I'm trying to protect myself from the possibility of falling in love, because last time it ended up pretty badly..

My head plays tricks on me, I understand how attraction is built and how everything works, but when I see a girl I like and talk to her, once I feel there is a connection that is being built, I decide I don't like her or something and run.
Even when my cousin (who's a natural) brought me his girlfriend's friend to meet, I did attract and even kino, but I didn't want to go any further, I left her wanting more and ran away! she asked my cousin to give her my phone number, and what did I do? I told him not to do that! seriously what's up with that?

What should I do to be more open, to drop that wall and be ready to connect with a girl?
Author:  Darkst0rm [ Tue Jun 15, 2010 4:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Probably go to a counselor. Seriously, if you are putting walls up between you and other people as you say, and you don't know how to take them down, go talk to a counselor at school, a priest at your church, or maybe a shrink.

That said, try not gaming dames anymore for a while. Set a time period (say, 3 months or so?) where when you go out, you use game, but only for making new friends, male and female. Build up a stable of support, and spend time strengthening the bonds of your current friends. Re-learn how to connect with people on a friendship level, then build back up to romance-level when you're inner-game is on track again.
Author:  Jocker [ Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Darkst0rm, I think your advice is sound.

However, I did find a much simpler way! it seems I'm not comfortable with the idea of love and even having a connection unless she is indeed the girl of my dreams, is actual love even a part of game?
So all I did was reframe it, rather than connection I think of it as bonding, and instead of love, I now seek partnership (kudos to Mystery), although it seems like it's just wordplay, it is really effective for me... :)
After that, I successfully n-closed two girls, one went cold, the other turned out to be (ironically) very needy, are all girls like that? she sends tons of short messages everyday, like 1/hour or something. :?

Anyway, I now hit a new sticking point, phone-game, I just don't know how to fluff talk, looking forward to how this turns out...
Author:  Shyler [ Sat Jun 26, 2010 10:16 am ]
Post subject: 
i have kind of the same problem. i always think that she's not interesting enough.
i have to note that i have adhd, so i can't realy concentrate good, so she'd better be interesting.

how is your relation to your parents? was/is it warm and do you love them much? how was your high school life? were you popular or were you more shy?

it's possible that you can't interact good and have this wall because of a trauma. honsetly, i believe that i have these walls because of traumas
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