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My confidence is ruining my game.
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Author:  PUA19 [ Sat May 22, 2010 7:28 am ]
Post subject:  My confidence is ruining my game.
hi.

I wanna talk about something that bothers me, wanna hear you guyss' opinion.

Lets say I consider myself a very confident guy.
Therefore, I have a 'problem' sometimes, causing me to not wanna hit on a girl just because I dont wanna give her the "power" over me.

Because when I hit her, I feel like im lowering my value! she gets to chose wether to accept me hitting on her or not. Do you know what I mean? How do I avoid that/ stop caring? how do I change that state of mind?
Author:  Darkst0rm [ Sun May 23, 2010 5:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Social interaction is like elegant dancing: Each partner has an opportunity to outshine the other at some point during the dance, but it goes back and forth between the two, so it all evens out. It's like they're sharing the same breath....one breathes in, while the other breathes out, and vice-versa.

Stop being so selfish....walk up to her and share a little bit of yourself.
Author:  JDTanner1 [ Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:45 am ]
Post subject: 
That makes no sense OP
Author:  Brawndo [ Sun Jun 13, 2010 6:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's not about you automatically assuming that you're better than every woman, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You assume from the beginning that she's not worthy, thus you believe it and your reactions and such make it come true. In other words, if you think she's not worth your time, you've already rationalized in your head that she's not worth your time instead of finding out whether she is or not.

Try this....


Start with a clean slate. Say to yourself "she's pretty/interesting/intelligent/looks fun, I'm going to talk to her and get to know her. If she's not what I think she is, maybe she can be a friend (which could be a fb, fwb, someone to help you with your style or a just a woman to add to your social circle). Either way, I'm going to talk to this woman, get to know her, NOT BE OBJECTIVE and see how it works out". Then give yourself 5-10 minutes of talking to her.
If she's boring/shallow/doesn't fit the bill, eject politely. But at least you give it a chance.
Author:  Tundra [ Sun Jun 13, 2010 9:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
The only time this would make sense to me is if you're going after HB2.5's. selling yourself short etc, but I don't think that's what you're talking about.
Author:  Paetar [ Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Honestly, I don't think that's true confidence. If you're worried you're giving your power away then you don't believe that you have a lot of power to begin with. That means that you don't really have confidence; you're just lying to yourself. Sorry if that's what you don't want to hear, but it's the truth.

Listen to Pickuppodcast, they explain it pretty well (the 3-part series on Value).

You can't base your confidence on you being better than anyone else; that's just arrogance. And arrogance is used to cover up insecurities.

Oh yeah, human relationships are based on having the power over another person; but using it in a way that benefits both. Alas, she doens't really have any power over you; is she so important that by "giving your power in her hands" you lose it? Nah. If she turns you down: WHO CARES :) . Talk to the next one, start over. She doesn't have any power over YOU, only over HER. And it takes two to form a relationship.
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