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Why we all have sticking points with women!
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Author:  Kalel [ Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Why we all have sticking points with women!
Deep down on some conscious or unconscious level, we want women in out lives so that we can be seen with women in out lives. We feed our ego by using women as props in the side show we call our lives.
The irony is that the more we care about getting women, the stronger the ego gets, the less true control we have over our lives, and therefore the worse we get with women. The more control we think we have, the less we actually have.

But the ego is far more intelligent than we are, it has access to all our faculties both conscious and unconscious. It knows what we will do before we do it, because most of the time it is deciding for us anyway. It never allows us to fully enjoy what we have, if it did it would be out of a job. So it convinces us that what we have is never enough. There is always a little more. We always deserve a little more. Why? Because someone else has more and we are better than them. Aren't we? So why not have more? Seems reasonable doesn't it. But that's how It gets you, with faulty reasoning. Ideas that make so much sense that they must be right. And the ego gives you the credit for those ideas. Because if they are your ideas, then they must be right. So you trust your ego. So much so, that you can't see the difference between your ego and yourself. It's ideas seem like your ideas, It's feelings seem like your feelings. You do what It tells you to do, because you don't realize It even exists, you think that It is you. And thus you are a slave to your own creation, in a prison you don't even know exists.

How does this affect your game? What kind of woman do you think you deserve? How many do you think you deserve? Who can you talk to? Who can you be friends with? Where can you go?
If you have answers to these questions, that should tell you something. Tell you that you have given yourself a value, a place on the totem pole. You have made yourself just another cog. Given limits to that which was limitless. Stifled that which was ultimately creative. Caged that which wishes to be free.

This prison will not be seen through your actions. No, your actions will seem quite impressive. They have to be, you have the whole world to perform for, and they're expecting a show. No, this prison will be seen... or rather not seen, through your inaction. What are you afraid to do? What do you feel is beyond your reach? What to you think your not worthy of? What limits have you accepted in you life? How would you act if you could be completely anonymous and nobody remembered anything you did? Why aren't you acting that way now?

Do you think you are somehow above this? Like maybe everyone else has an ego and you do not. That you are somehow special. Above all this. Is it you thinking that, or is it the ego protecting itself?

Does this piss you off? Make you mad in a visceral way? Do you think this is all nonsense? A bunch of psychobabble? Are those your feelings? Or is this the egos way of rejecting that which can hurt it?

Do you think this answer is too simple? That psychology is too complex and there is no way this is the answer? No way it could be that universal? Affect so many people and still be such an elusive problem. Maybe everyone else thinks that same thing.

There are no limits, no enemies, no reason for disappointment and low self-esteem. Look at your pain! How much of it comes from not being able to live up to a standard. A standard for society, for your parents, for your family, for your friends, for your boss, for your coworkers, ... hell even for some anonymous people on a pickup forum. How much pain comes from falling short? But that line doesn't exist! We don't have to prove anything to anyone. We don't have to wear masks and be social chameleons. We can just exist. We will all die one day. If we are going to live, don't you think we should live by our own rules, playing our own game, the way we see fit?
Author:  Abdul-aAfc [ Fri Aug 07, 2009 12:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
We have sticking points because we are human beings we all do you either admit it or you don't.
Author:  Kalel [ Sat Aug 08, 2009 6:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
We have sticking points because we are human beings we all do
That was precisely my point. Having an ego is part of being human, but it is also a huge limitation. I by no means think that you can completely rid yourself of you ego, but rather that you can find a way to control It rather than letting It control you. So if you had read the title, I did not claim to have the answer to getting rid of your sticking points, I merely aimed to explain their source and the deep impact that their source could have on your abilities.
Quote:
you either admit it or you don't.
That is exactly what the ego prevents most guys from doing. The ego tries to hide your own shortcomings by focusing on the shortcomings of others. It is by facing all the bad things about yourself and embracing them, that you truly begin to gain some real control over the ego.
Author:  AaronW [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Women are simply another excuse for men, we build an image around what will work to attract women. Our confidence is then defined by how well our ability to attract women is, when in reality we are not truly confident in who we are, we are confident in this false pretense. We learn to be able to walk away, not let our image be effected by women, not to validate and stay in frame. We don't realize they we only become immune to rejection, knowing eventually our new found abilities will work on someone. Our confidence comes from this immunity, and still many men are just as insecure as they started, because they gained a false confidence not in who they are but in who they think they need to be for women to be attracted to them.

Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea. Its an unstable foundation that will inevitably run into a wall they don't want to face, so instead of overcoming it, they run in a new direction until they find another wall. A repetitive cycle based on an idea and not on the person...
Author:  Mike Lowrey [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Women are simply another excuse for men, we build an image around what will work to attract women. Our confidence is then defined by how well our ability to attract women is, when in reality we are not truly confident in who we are, we are confident in this false pretense. We learn to be able to walk away, not let our image be effected by women, not to validate and stay in frame. We don't realize they we only become immune to rejection, knowing eventually our new found abilities will work on someone. Our confidence comes from this immunity, and still many men are just as insecure as they started, because they gained a false confidence not in who they are but in who they think they need to be for women to be attracted to them.

Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea. Its an unstable foundation that will inevitably run into a wall they don't want to face, so instead of overcoming it, they run in a new direction until they find another wall. A repetitive cycle based on an idea and not on the person...
"I'd like you to stop thinking of confidence as being certain of sucess, rather, think of it as the action of giving whatever you are doing the entirety of your effort" Vin Di Carlo' The Attraction Code.

Jus' a thought.

Regardless though, as Kalel is saying, the ego is the biggest set back to us. Control your ego, and you'll be much better off.

Tolle :)
Author:  AaronW [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Women are simply another excuse for men, we build an image around what will work to attract women. Our confidence is then defined by how well our ability to attract women is, when in reality we are not truly confident in who we are, we are confident in this false pretense. We learn to be able to walk away, not let our image be effected by women, not to validate and stay in frame. We don't realize they we only become immune to rejection, knowing eventually our new found abilities will work on someone. Our confidence comes from this immunity, and still many men are just as insecure as they started, because they gained a false confidence not in who they are but in who they think they need to be for women to be attracted to them.

Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea. Its an unstable foundation that will inevitably run into a wall they don't want to face, so instead of overcoming it, they run in a new direction until they find another wall. A repetitive cycle based on an idea and not on the person...
"I'd like you to stop thinking of confidence as being certain of sucess, rather, think of it as the action of giving whatever you are doing the entirety of your effort" Vin Di Carlo' The Attraction Code.

Jus' a thought.

Regardless though, as Kalel is saying, the ego is the biggest set back to us. Control your ego, and you'll be much better off.

Tolle :)
Confidence should never be thought of being certain of success. In that mindset if the success is not as you had planed, then you may become demoralized and lose confidence. Confidence comes from your ability to believe in yourself in any circumstances and have a detachment to the expectation of results.

I must also clarify when i said
Quote:
Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea.
the foundation of confidence in an idea i mentioned is that pertaining to this community. Confidence in general should come from the individual and confidence in them self as a person, not confidence in them self through an idea, if that confidence comes merely through an idea of another person, that is the rocky foundation.
Author:  Marvel [ Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Can't we just be confident in aiming to have fun? And aware that there are way too many variables that can affect the outcome. You can only up your percentage with less variables / learning to handle certain variables.....but focus on fun.

Perfection is a moving target. And just leave it at that.[/u]

Sticking points = challenge. Shouldn't we always have sticking points? Not sure we are perfect. But not sure we can ever be totally. But am sure we should move in it's direction. :wink:
Author:  Mike Lowrey [ Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Women are simply another excuse for men, we build an image around what will work to attract women. Our confidence is then defined by how well our ability to attract women is, when in reality we are not truly confident in who we are, we are confident in this false pretense. We learn to be able to walk away, not let our image be effected by women, not to validate and stay in frame. We don't realize they we only become immune to rejection, knowing eventually our new found abilities will work on someone. Our confidence comes from this immunity, and still many men are just as insecure as they started, because they gained a false confidence not in who they are but in who they think they need to be for women to be attracted to them.

Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea. Its an unstable foundation that will inevitably run into a wall they don't want to face, so instead of overcoming it, they run in a new direction until they find another wall. A repetitive cycle based on an idea and not on the person...
"I'd like you to stop thinking of confidence as being certain of sucess, rather, think of it as the action of giving whatever you are doing the entirety of your effort" Vin Di Carlo' The Attraction Code.

Jus' a thought.

Regardless though, as Kalel is saying, the ego is the biggest set back to us. Control your ego, and you'll be much better off.

Tolle :)
Confidence should never be thought of being certain of success. In that mindset if the success is not as you had planed, then you may become demoralized and lose confidence. Confidence comes from your ability to believe in yourself in any circumstances and have a detachment to the expectation of results.

I must also clarify when i said
Quote:
Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea.
the foundation of confidence in an idea i mentioned is that pertaining to this community. Confidence in general should come from the individual and confidence in them self as a person, not confidence in them self through an idea, if that confidence comes merely through an idea of another person, that is the rocky foundation.
Mis read yours :oops:
Author:  AaronW [ Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
"I'd like you to stop thinking of confidence as being certain of sucess, rather, think of it as the action of giving whatever you are doing the entirety of your effort" Vin Di Carlo' The Attraction Code.

Jus' a thought.

Regardless though, as Kalel is saying, the ego is the biggest set back to us. Control your ego, and you'll be much better off.

Tolle :)
Confidence should never be thought of being certain of success. In that mindset if the success is not as you had planed, then you may become demoralized and lose confidence. Confidence comes from your ability to believe in yourself in any circumstances and have a detachment to the expectation of results.

I must also clarify when i said
Quote:
Why do we have sticking points? because the foundation of confidence is not in the individual and their own self worth, its in an idea.
the foundation of confidence in an idea i mentioned is that pertaining to this community. Confidence in general should come from the individual and confidence in them self as a person, not confidence in them self through an idea, if that confidence comes merely through an idea of another person, that is the rocky foundation.
Mis read yours :oops:
no worries my friend, even i after overlooking it again mis read it.
Author:  AaronW [ Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Can't we just be confident in aiming to have fun? And aware that there are way too many variables that can affect the outcome. You can only up your percentage with less variables / learning to handle certain variables.....but focus on fun.

Perfection is a moving target. And just leave it at that.[/u]

Sticking points = challenge. Shouldn't we always have sticking points? Not sure we are perfect. But not sure we can ever be totally. But am sure we should move in it's direction. :wink:
who's definition of fun are we using? yours? mine? the next guys? Fun stems from being happy, happy is an emotion, emotions come and go because they are fickle. You base your confidence off an emotion and when someone else comes along looking like they are having more fun, you will become depressed. No i think ill stick with having confidence in a tangible belief, that belief in myself.
Author:  Marvel [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Can't we just be confident in aiming to have fun? And aware that there are way too many variables that can affect the outcome. You can only up your percentage with less variables / learning to handle certain variables.....but focus on fun.

Perfection is a moving target. And just leave it at that.[/u]

Sticking points = challenge. Shouldn't we always have sticking points? Not sure we are perfect. But not sure we can ever be totally. But am sure we should move in it's direction. :wink:
who's definition of fun are we using? yours? mine? the next guys? Fun stems from being happy, happy is an emotion, emotions come and go because they are fickle. You base your confidence off an emotion and when someone else comes along looking like they are having more fun, you will become depressed. No i think ill stick with having confidence in a tangible belief, that belief in myself.
I don't know about anyone else...but I look to have MY own fun. If someone comes along having more fun....why should that affect me?! Aim to have YOUR fun. Too much over thinking for me. But eh..whatever works for each person...guess it's all in finding your own way.
Author:  Kalel [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:11 am ]
Post subject: 
I don't think we should have sticking points, in the sense that a sticking point is a repetitive outcome that we cannot overcome. I do think we should have sticking points, in the sense of a temporary setback we are determined to excel past. Of course we should have challenges and learning/growing experiences, but these should not become a burden to our lives, but simply part of growing. The idea is to be happy. Not based on proof or validation, but simply happy because it is better to be happy than sad. Humans are by default happy, but we condition ourselves to only be happy when we can find verifiable reasons to be happy. If we shed these arbitrary rules we had placed on ourselves, we can begin to feel happy while we work toward success rather than working toward success in order to one day feel happy.
Author:  AaronW [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I don't think we should have sticking points, in the sense that a sticking point is a repetitive outcome that we cannot overcome. I do think we should have sticking points, in the sense of a temporary setback we are determined to excel past. Of course we should have challenges and learning/growing experiences, but these should not become a burden to our lives, but simply part of growing. The idea is to be happy. Not based on proof or validation, but simply happy because it is better to be happy than sad. Humans are by default happy, but we condition ourselves to only be happy when we can find verifiable reasons to be happy. If we shed these arbitrary rules we had placed on ourselves, we can begin to feel happy while we work toward success rather than working toward success in order to one day feel happy.
i dont sing to become happy, im happy because i sing.
Author:  Marvel [ Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I don't think we should have sticking points, in the sense that a sticking point is a repetitive outcome that we cannot overcome. I do think we should have sticking points, in the sense of a temporary setback we are determined to excel past. Of course we should have challenges and learning/growing experiences, but these should not become a burden to our lives, but simply part of growing. The idea is to be happy. Not based on proof or validation, but simply happy because it is better to be happy than sad. Humans are by default happy, but we condition ourselves to only be happy when we can find verifiable reasons to be happy. If we shed these arbitrary rules we had placed on ourselves, we can begin to feel happy while we work toward success rather than working toward success in order to one day feel happy.
i dont sing to become happy, im happy because i sing.
Haha...I like....a perfect analogy for inner and outer game.....like when an noob needs to sing to be happy as instructed...but once he knows that happiness...he singls happily....because he's now happy. haha....
Author:  AaronW [ Sat Aug 15, 2009 4:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I don't think we should have sticking points, in the sense that a sticking point is a repetitive outcome that we cannot overcome. I do think we should have sticking points, in the sense of a temporary setback we are determined to excel past. Of course we should have challenges and learning/growing experiences, but these should not become a burden to our lives, but simply part of growing. The idea is to be happy. Not based on proof or validation, but simply happy because it is better to be happy than sad. Humans are by default happy, but we condition ourselves to only be happy when we can find verifiable reasons to be happy. If we shed these arbitrary rules we had placed on ourselves, we can begin to feel happy while we work toward success rather than working toward success in order to one day feel happy.
i dont sing to become happy, im happy because i sing.
Haha...I like....a perfect analogy for inner and outer game.....like when an noob needs to sing to be happy as instructed...but once he knows that happiness...he singls happily....because he's now happy. haha....
might i suggest? perhaps a perfect analogy for how life should be lived ;)
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