PUA Forum :: Dumping feelings of guilt to build back self back up

for me with one of my ex's it had alot to do with us not having enough time for each other. after the break up it felt like I should have made more effort. it was much later that I realized that she wasn't making as much effort either.

you need to find what it is that you feel really was the root cause of the break up and ask yourself was it because of both of you or just you.

then ask yourself was I trying to keep the relationship going because I didn't want to fail at it or because I actually wanted the girl

also ask yourself while you were with her did you feel like you were missing out on someone else....ie a coworker that seemed to flirt with you alot and you felt guilty cause you had a gf. if this one was just a few times maybe once every month or every other month its normal

once you can see how week or strong the relationship was based on who you were with each other and not what the other person filled. then you can see what the problem was

Id ask any of your closest friends who would have seen the two of you together if you seemed to act differently. Ie spent most of your time with her. ignored her etc. most of the time your friends can give you answers to who was invested more in the relationship based on your changing habits with them

it sounds like she broke up with you. it also sounds like it was inevitable meaning a worry she had told you about before and you might have been constantly trying to reassure her over and over again. stretched out breakups are rough for the mind

once you have more clarity on the situation and see her faults as well as you own your mind will be more at ease

when you get to that point you need to find a way to distract yourself and do so with people. when I say people it needs to be girls and guys. because if you aren't interacting and getting to know other girls and Im not talking about for sex. I mean any kind of contact to keep ahold of the feminine side. other guys are just gonna make you miss your gf. this means going out doing this un work related.

if she calls you its fine to answer but in no way bring up the break up just shoot the shit if she asks questions its ok to answer them. its fine to ask her how she has been but prefferably after she asks you

I know this is a wall of text but just from your short post and how man kind has always worked every relationship that ends always leaves us wanting closure mainly for ourselves

Author:	The Mellow [ Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:	Dumping feelings of guilt to build back self back up
Just broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months because she wasn't happy and we didn't work out. I feel a large amount of guilt inside and keep thinking I wasn't the best person I could when I was with her. How should I drop this guilt so I can get my shit together and start feeling good again? Any advice for the future?

Author:	Zirk13 [ Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:59 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Dumping feelings of guilt to build back self back up
for me with one of my ex's it had alot to do with us not having enough time for each other. after the break up it felt like I should have made more effort. it was much later that I realized that she wasn't making as much effort either. you need to find what it is that you feel really was the root cause of the break up and ask yourself was it because of both of you or just you. then ask yourself was I trying to keep the relationship going because I didn't want to fail at it or because I actually wanted the girl also ask yourself while you were with her did you feel like you were missing out on someone else....ie a coworker that seemed to flirt with you alot and you felt guilty cause you had a gf. if this one was just a few times maybe once every month or every other month its normal once you can see how week or strong the relationship was based on who you were with each other and not what the other person filled. then you can see what the problem was Id ask any of your closest friends who would have seen the two of you together if you seemed to act differently. Ie spent most of your time with her. ignored her etc. most of the time your friends can give you answers to who was invested more in the relationship based on your changing habits with them it sounds like she broke up with you. it also sounds like it was inevitable meaning a worry she had told you about before and you might have been constantly trying to reassure her over and over again. stretched out breakups are rough for the mind once you have more clarity on the situation and see her faults as well as you own your mind will be more at ease when you get to that point you need to find a way to distract yourself and do so with people. when I say people it needs to be girls and guys. because if you aren't interacting and getting to know other girls and Im not talking about for sex. I mean any kind of contact to keep ahold of the feminine side. other guys are just gonna make you miss your gf. this means going out doing this un work related. if she calls you its fine to answer but in no way bring up the break up just shoot the shit if she asks questions its ok to answer them. its fine to ask her how she has been but prefferably after she asks you I know this is a wall of text but just from your short post and how man kind has always worked every relationship that ends always leaves us wanting closure mainly for ourselves

Author:	The Mellow [ Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:54 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Dumping feelings of guilt to build back self back up
Quote: for me with one of my ex's it had alot to do with us not having enough time for each other. after the break up it felt like I should have made more effort. it was much later that I realized that she wasn't making as much effort either. you need to find what it is that you feel really was the root cause of the break up and ask yourself was it because of both of you or just you. then ask yourself was I trying to keep the relationship going because I didn't want to fail at it or because I actually wanted the girl also ask yourself while you were with her did you feel like you were missing out on someone else....ie a coworker that seemed to flirt with you alot and you felt guilty cause you had a gf. if this one was just a few times maybe once every month or every other month its normal once you can see how week or strong the relationship was based on who you were with each other and not what the other person filled. then you can see what the problem was Id ask any of your closest friends who would have seen the two of you together if you seemed to act differently. Ie spent most of your time with her. ignored her etc. most of the time your friends can give you answers to who was invested more in the relationship based on your changing habits with them it sounds like she broke up with you. it also sounds like it was inevitable meaning a worry she had told you about before and you might have been constantly trying to reassure her over and over again. stretched out breakups are rough for the mind once you have more clarity on the situation and see her faults as well as you own your mind will be more at ease when you get to that point you need to find a way to distract yourself and do so with people. when I say people it needs to be girls and guys. because if you aren't interacting and getting to know other girls and Im not talking about for sex. I mean any kind of contact to keep ahold of the feminine side. other guys are just gonna make you miss your gf. this means going out doing this un work related. if she calls you its fine to answer but in no way bring up the break up just shoot the shit if she asks questions its ok to answer them. its fine to ask her how she has been but prefferably after she asks you I know this is a wall of text but just from your short post and how man kind has always worked every relationship that ends always leaves us wanting closure mainly for ourselves This is good advice. Wow I thought you may be a mind reader or something because I started really flirting/talking with a girl at work sending private messages and so on, but never pursued meeting her in person as that would have been too much and I would have never cheated on her. I didn't want the relationship to fail more than I wanted her that's for sure. I also don't want to psycho analyze too much as I know what's done is done and trying to figure things out may help closure, but will not change much in the present. Perhaps I came on too strong in the beginning and she got used to that. I've historically made big mistakes with that. She would brood a lot too and that made me loose my patience and become emotionally unavailable at times, coming across as 'cold.' On Saturday we went to a wedding and I told her "don't get any ideas now", as sort of a joke. She took it personally and spent two days at home crying so I figured it's time to stop hurting her and bring this up. Perhaps that was a catalyst for deeper issues to arise or maybe that brought out a deep insecurity. I think she thought (and wrote in a message) "I thought you would fight harder for us to be together." I'm trying to decide if I'll break contact entirely or help her out a bit through this. It's far worse for her than it is for me. I have NO desire to get back together. She always thought loving someone was being with someone you CANNOT live without. That to me is neediness and not desire or love. We had VERY different views on that. Don't know if that helps.

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