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Keeping Focus/Frame of Mind
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Author:  Dan575 [ Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:31 am ]
Post subject:  Keeping Focus/Frame of Mind
Hi~

I have a hard time keeping my frame of reality focused. I'm quite an introspective, senstive person and sometimes I find myself being completely overwhelmed by people or situations. When people try and open me up I tend to close down - a habit I do when I'm not feeling good about myself which is most of the time these days.
I'm learned in the field of game, but it's my fear that keeps me from practicing. Pretty much my whole immediate family are all of similar dispositions and haven't learned to handle it, so I've always held this view that I'm somehow always an outsider in groups. I actually don't mind this as I like being slightly engimatic, but this never works as I don't have the personality to tease people along with as we get to know each other.
Right now I think and feel like I'm utterly boring and have little to no social value to offer. Kinda true since I mostly just play game/watch TV all day.
I'm in a rut at the moment and I don't know how to get out of it.
I've been to uni for two years, somehow managed to get in with the ”cool” kids but I haven't seen them in a while due to feeling like I'm boring as fuck to be around (even though they still try and contact me). I'm in my early twenties and still a virgin - plenty of opportunties I'm not a bad looking guy, just panicking and not knowing what the fuck to say keeps me eternally starved of clunge.

Any suggestions or ideas welcomed.
Author:  secretaznman [ Sun Oct 07, 2012 1:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Keeping Focus/Frame of Mind
Your current reality is:

a) You're boring
b) You're a loser
c) You're an outsider
d) You're overly emotional and sensitive.

The first step here is to start reversing these thoughts. Simply sitting around watching tv and playing video games isn't going to help. You live at uni, GO JOIN CLUBS. I cannot stress how beneficial this will be in enriching your life. And don't just join one JOIN AS MANY AS YOU CAN FIT. Stay BUSY.

You obviously aren't used to social interaction, but the fact is, you need to experience what its like to be around people first.You won't see immediate change, but as you get more comfortable in a previously uncomfortable situation, you will start to see all your limiting beliefs start to turn around. I also want to stress that you stay positive throughout your interactions and dealings with people in the real world. If you stay negative, nothing about your reality will change.

I feel like i can relate to you because I used to be you. I was sick of not being able to talk to people so I joined a fraternity. It helped, but only when I was drunk...I really wish I joined a bunch of clubs instead of being hung over all the time. But what's done is done, and now I go out and do anything/everything I want just to have fun and meet people. Get out of your head about it and focus outwards vs inwards.

So make this your reality:

a) I'm fun and I love having fun
b) People are always hitting me up to hang out
c) I integrate well with all groups (this will be true once you go immerse yourself in different groups/clubs!!!)
d) I am in control of my emotions and I never overreact.

This mindset is the makings of an "alpha male" mindset - something that I feel is essential if you want long-term success in gaming women. If you take a look at the link in my sig, you can get a better idea of what an alpha male is...can't even stress how important it was for my development.[/i]
Author:  scubadiver [ Sun Oct 07, 2012 11:15 am ]
Post subject: 
So you are an introvert? :D

I am an introspective and sensitive person and so are my parents. I understand where you are coming from because my conversational skills aren't great.

I was also going through a terrible time when I went to Uni and I didn't use it to my advantage. It was a pretty shit period of my life, to be honest. I am 37 and still a virgin so you aren't alone.

I have just joined the meetup website and I am slowly expanding my comfort zone with people I've never met. It turns out that having conversations with strangers isn't as bad I thought it was. I used to dread talking to strangers but I feel comfortable enough to do it now without feeling overwhelmed.

Getting away from the TV is important but don't feel you have to join lots of clubs for the sake of it. Obviously join groups where you would find a passion and meet like-minded individuals.

But I can't stress enough that you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. I'm not.
Author:  1eye [ Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Keeping Focus/Frame of Mind
Quote:
Hi~

I have a hard time keeping my frame of reality focused. I'm quite an introspective, senstive person and sometimes I find myself being completely overwhelmed by people or situations. When people try and open me up I tend to close down - a habit I do when I'm not feeling good about myself which is most of the time these days.
I'm learned in the field of game, but it's my fear that keeps me from practicing. Pretty much my whole immediate family are all of similar dispositions and haven't learned to handle it, so I've always held this view that I'm somehow always an outsider in groups. I actually don't mind this as I like being slightly engimatic, but this never works as I don't have the personality to tease people along with as we get to know each other.
Right now I think and feel like I'm utterly boring and have little to no social value to offer. Kinda true since I mostly just play game/watch TV all day.
I'm in a rut at the moment and I don't know how to get out of it.
I've been to uni for two years, somehow managed to get in with the ”cool” kids but I haven't seen them in a while due to feeling like I'm boring as fuck to be around (even though they still try and contact me). I'm in my early twenties and still a virgin - plenty of opportunties I'm not a bad looking guy, just panicking and not knowing what the fuck to say keeps me eternally starved of clunge.

Any suggestions or ideas welcomed.
Try positive visualisation.Watch the "Secret" online.Use sublimal programming
CDs to listen while you sleep.Start a hobby that interest you,you're not a kid anymore,stop playing games and tv instead play the real game of life.
Author:  fiacaid [ Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Keeping Focus/Frame of Mind
Quote:
I have a hard time keeping my frame of reality focused.
I've struggled with this a lot but am finally getting to a point where I can maintain focus. Here is what has worked for me:

Write stuff down on paper!

I don't care how much you think about stuff, talk it over, or post it online. I've been there and thought it worked and I was wrong. Writing it down on paper makes it real. The key from here is what you write. I decided on three separate journals:

1) Random thoughts that come up on what is happening in my life. This is a traditional journal and I write in it typically once every 2-5 days.

2) My list of life goals. The first two pages are the list of things I want to do in life. The rest is used for adding details. I write in this one very rarely but I read it every single day. This keeps my long-term focus on what I want to achieve in life.

3) My Success Journal. Every day I write out my success in improving my skill at social interactions in general and pickup specifically. I think about every little success I had and write it out even if overall the night was a failure, then I write out my ideas for improving on my mistakes. I underline those ideas so I can read through them later.

I found writing all this down and analyzing it keeps my long-term focus absolutely solid. This long-term focus flows down to maintaining frame when I'm out practicing for two reasons. First, it provides an outlet for what happens so that I don't get lost in past failures while I'm trying to focus on what is happening now and maintaining my frame. Second, it keeps me focused on what I need to work on instead of trying to do everything at once (walk before you run).

All this keeps me living in the present instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future, which in turn keeps me in frame. I am far less likely to think about a failure because I know I will be learning from it in the morning. I am far less likely to worry about the outcome because I have specific issues I know I am working on overcoming and the night will be a success if I make any improvement on those issues even if I don't close.
Author:  lawls [ Sat Oct 13, 2012 10:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
view-next-topic-vt129520.html?view=next

Scroll down..however I did put an exercise down specifically for focusing.
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