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| How to let down your guard and be more yourself? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=145251 |
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| Author: | DoubleStrip [ Fri Sep 07, 2012 7:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | How to let down your guard and be more yourself? |
So i used to be kind of shy(around girls that i like) and i started to read PU books, and ive started to build up this false confidence, i appear more confident than i acctually am. Constantly trying to be funny and witty etc. Annyways i know that this stems from the same thing that caused me to be shy-ish around women, and that is that i care about other people's preception of me so what i have to do is to stop caring what people think of me, only then can i REALLY be confident, this leads me to my question; ....how? |
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| Author: | 7000 [ Sat Sep 08, 2012 12:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I think to stop caring about what people think, you've got to see how little they care in the first place. Now, if you need to fake that you don't care a couple of times, then that's fine. Fake it, and you'll soon see that they really don't care. Try new things - have you tried the newbie challenge, that works in a similar way? I did a flash mob (where you start singing in public seemingly at random, then just disperse and walk off in different directions at the end of the song) - that was a real eye opener for me. People mostly looked at us strange for about 5 seconds, then usually joined in the singing! But even those who continued to look at us funny, well either they walked off, or we walked off at the end, and guess what - within 5 seconds of walking off, it was like nothing had ever happened. So what if one or two people had given us a funny look for a while? Where were they now, after we'd walked away? Embarrassment is only temporary anyway - it's just a matter of realising that and then you can start making that embarrassment period shorter until it doesn't happen at all. |
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| Author: | clearspeak [ Sat Sep 08, 2012 2:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
One thing that is helpful here is dealing with your own shame. Find the areas about yourself you are ashamed of. Maybe you think you're too emotional or ugly or whatever it is. And don't avoid that area but spend some time learning compassion for yourself. Odds are, if you're like many people, you have a lot of compassion when you see other people having trouble, but are harder on yourself. Well take each one of those and think about others that have those issues who you find great people. Over time you'll start to accept that it's ok to be human. You don't have to be perfect and most girls even like if you show some vulnerability, provided you do it at the right times and don't overdo it. They want a man, not a robot. You kind of started out really insecure. Now you're overcompensating with false bravado. It's fine, it's a good first step. Now try to get to the middle with a balance. |
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| Author: | pumpington [ Sat Sep 08, 2012 7:14 am ] |
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pick something that scares the living shit out of you, and do it, if you want to improve this in reguards to women, pick things that relate to social pressure so for example, approach girls with the intent to be overtly rejected go out for a while and just open sexually direct, or use the appocolypse opener etc. if that isn't a challenge for you and you can bang out a good 20 of those in a night, then work on your compliance building, focus in hard on it, work on it until you can be physically agressive to the point where it is just plain creepy and girls are blowing you out because of it just push your limits with what you are comfortable with to see what is possible, and where exactly the limits are, once you find them you can tone it down and experiment with just being more honest but with an idea of how far too far actually is so can also do things that just put an immense amount of social pressure on yourself, go out dressed like a complete retard, like pick some ridiculous looking shit and put it on, then go talk to girls or you can write something on your forehead and talk to people, hump lamp posts in public, sing songs in highly populated areas out loud to yourself, dance in public just do a bunch of things that demonstrate an extreme lack of social intelligence to the point where you assume they will generate negative social feedback, then go out and see what happens you may find you go through a cycle, at first your self esteem really dips down low, you become even more self concious, and then after a while, you just stop caring and you just realize that your self esteem is based on you, and not some person in front of you, even if you are being a retard, just because the person in front of you thinks so, doesn't make it so, only you really descide who you are, and after enough negative/positive feedback, you just sort of become numb to it more so then before, but you really have to push your limits and do things that are completely extreme for yourself when you finally have an idea of who you are, start focusing on improving yourself instead of getting girls, become sharper, become a better listener, be more smooth with the way you touch, have better comedic timing, learn to irritate and annoy people better, then flip it back, take more care of your physical health, start doing healthy things, take care of your finances, meet more people, always keep setting goals and going for them, get better, push what you know is possible all the way to the unknown, as far as you can |
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