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| Beliefs: How to think about sex https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=140257 |
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| Author: | vcwriter [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Beliefs: How to think about sex |
A lot of guys might not realize this: you're struggling with your beliefs about sex. Shy guys arrive on the forum with the belief "girls are sweet and innocent and are always getting exploited by guys for sex". What's worse is when said shy guy thinks he can become a player by thinking "fuck it, *I'm* going to exploit these girls into sex and fool them into sleeping with me!" These beliefs will limit your sex life. Not that you can't be happy with these beliefs. But you might be missing out on other great experiences. Let me explain. THE FIRST GUY: TOO NICE FOR SEX Let's talk about the first type of guy, who is shy or secretive about sex when he's talking to girls. He believes that girls basically don't like sex, and just go along with it to make guys happy. For some guys like this, they tense up when a girl walks into a room so that they don't say anything too nasty. Some guys will even try to stomp out their own sexual desires. If you believe that girls hate sex, you can still have an active sex life. But it's usually in the confines of a relationship. A guy like this will never really understand how his buddy seems to get laid without going on any real dates. He'll always think of a threesome as something for a rock star (or a con artist). THE SECOND GUY: LYING FOR SEX I also mentioned a second type of guy, who decides he wants to exploit girls into having sex. Funny thing is, these guys share one fundamental belief in common with the shy guy: girls HATE sex and only use it to get what they REALLY want (to keep a relationship, to get jewellery, etc). The liar might be just as boring as the shy guy. He might convince a girl to have finally have sex after a few dates, with the key difference that they have no shame about dropping her for another girl as soon as they get what they want. (They might also increase their "numbers" by looking out for easy targets: drunk girls, girls with no confidence, golddiggers...) If you just want "numbers" (or if you're a shy guy who's bitter about women) the liar might sound like he has an appealing life. You can make up your own mind, but these are a few things that I personally consider:
Yes, there are girls out there who have had wild sex just for the fun of it. There's nothing like a girl who intensely wants to fuck you in the moment. I'd go a step further: every girl, deep down, wants to have wild and fun sex. For every prude who settled down at 20 years old, there's a 30 year old divorced cougar. Some girls might not admit it to themselves, but sex is a lot of fun. If you're a sexually experienced guy, you already know this. But for everyone else, they still don't believe it. "If they like sex so much, why don't they fuck like guys do?" Well, there's the obvious religious/cultural hangups that people grow up with. We're a bit more understanding when a guy fucks everything in sight. But for girls, the first time they have sex is supposed to be a magical gift that they bestow onto a special someone. There's nothing worse than being "damaged goods". If girls have sex with the wrong guy, they punish each other. They sometimes even punish themselves. But it's 2012. Girls are buying DTF pendants. Shouldn't they fuck the first hot guy they see? Well, girls encounter a lot more risks with sex. STDs and pregnancy are just the start. A guy who disappears into a room with a strange girl probably isn't worried. A girl who disappears into a room with a strange guy? She can end up beat up or dead. You might think this is an over-reaction. But consider that 1 in 6 girls will experience sexual assault at some point in their life, which means most girls at least know someone who has been physically harmed by the opposite sex. Why is it surprising that girls need to trust who they bring home? And guys, a lot of you are just plain bad at sex. I know that you could probably get yours from a box of kleenex in 3 minutes. But why is a girl going to risk physical and social consequences for 3 minutes of boredom? The last part is that girls are attracted to guys with power and status. It's based in her animal instinct to want a provider and protector. A lot of guys get confused and think girls get wet for gifts, but outside of a few golddiggers, girls get wet for actual people. The high school Quarterback might not have money, but he is powerful within the "high school tribe" which is attractive to girls in that "tribe". The rebel skater guy might have even less money and less of a future, but he has confidence and a bunch of friends who think everything he does is awesome. So much of being an attractive guy is living an attractive lifestyle. I hope this explains why girls don't just grab the first muscular pretty boy that comes along. He might be boring. He might have zero ambition, confidence, or friends. He might be the opposite of how a powerful person lives their life, making him completely unattractive. And even if he seems to live an attractive lifestyle, trust is a HUGE part of it. She needs to trust that (1) he doesn't have an STD, (2) he's not a psychopath, (3) he won't judge her for having sex, (4) he won't tell everyone she's a slut, and (5) he's good enough at sex that it will actually be worth her risk. You can see why it might just be easier for a girl to wait until she's in a relationship to have sex. HOW SEXUALLY CONFIDENT GUYS THINK That's where you come in. There's a ton of material on how to live an attractive lifestyle. How to build a sense of power in both your "inner" and "outer" game. Assuming you're basically an attractive guy, what's the difference between a good dude who eventually finds himself in a relationship, versus a guy who just exudes sexuality? A guy who exudes sexuality can take a girl home the first night he meets her. Instead of building trust slowly and logically, he has a swagger that triggers a powerful subconscious connection with the opposite sex. I'm not talking about the deep trust that would make a girl hand over her life savings, and move with you to Paris. I'm talking about that baseline trust: that you're clean, sane, discrete, non-judgmental, and (most of all) able to deliver. After a lot of experience and thought, I found an easy way to describe how I think as a sexually confident guy: "I always want sex. I often get sex. I never need sex." WHY IS THIS BELIEF SUCCESSFUL? I couldn't tell you why this belief works. The simple explanation is probably best: neediness is unattractive, so acting like the opposite will drive girls crazy. But if you're the logical type who likes detailed explanations, the personal theory still comes down to those subconscious obstacles that girls encounter with sex. Remember, a girl will have huge reservations against having sex if you're not clean, sane, discrete, non-judgmental, and (most of all) able to deliver. - If you often get sex, you're probably able to deliver. - If you never need sex, you probably don't troll for sex at the STD buffet. - If you get sex often and don't need it, you're not a psycho. - If you get sex often and always want it, you probably don't make girls feel bad for wanting it too. The last ingredient is discretion. It might seem logical to just blurt out "hey girl! I'm not a psycho, I'm clean, and I'm great at sex. Let's do it!" But the thing that's missing (besides credibility), is discretion. Discretion requires subtlety. It's the art of being open to sex, while being closed enough that it won't become everyone's business. Whether you needed that explanation or not, the more important thing is to understand how this belief will play out in your life. HOW DO SUCCESSFUL GUYS USE THIS BELIEF? Talking about "using" a belief is sort of misleading. I arrived at this belief naturally. It's a part of me now. There are other guys who just sprouted this belief at puberty. "I always want sex. I often get sex. I never need sex." The only way I can explain how the belief affects your "outer game" is by way of example. Don't confuse the examples with the belief itself. Not Needing Sex: This one is easy, because so much of being an attractive and powerful person is to just be non-needy and independent. The best example for me has been walking away from a conversation and still going home with this sweet and overly-responsible brunette. I hadn't so much as suggested leaving together when this girl starts putting up obstacles (her friends, her job the next morning, etc). So I told her that's cool and I'm gonna keep partying with my friends. It was the willingness to walk away that led the girl to actively search around the club to find me, and then leave with me. (She came to an after party, and we looked around for 5 minutes before we ditched and caught a cab to her place.) Having Sex Often: Probably not one of my best moments, but the best example of this was when I got a girl to cheat on her fiance without any pushiness. I had partied with her friends and built a reputation as an attractive and sexy guy, but no one in her group knew my actual sexual history. One night, me and her got lost in a crowd, away from her friends. I teased her when she couldn't get the bartender's attention. "You need to be more assertive. If you really want something, you should just take it." She bit her lip, and then let out this wicked smile that told me it was on. On a subconscious level, I told her "I have experience with girls in your predicament. If you go home with me, you definitely won't regret it." Always Wanting Sex: This is actually the hardest one to describe. I remember being at a girl's apartment talking about something completely non-sexual, when she suddenly just pounced on me. The next morning, I asked her why she chose that moment of all the moments. She said there was something about the way that I looked at her and just kept on talking like it was nothing. It just made her uncontrollably wet. I only realized what I had done in retrospect: I blatantly checked her out while she did a pretty ordinary stretch, and looked into her eyes with unspeakably dirty thoughts in my head. It's more than just being horny, because there's plenty of horny guys who just turn girls right off. It's subtle, in your body language and eye contact, the way you show sexual desire without ever asking for sex. The flipside of that is I see needy guys, creepy guys, and especially judgmental guys having trouble so much as getting a girl to kiss them. You could fill a library with the examples of these guys screwing up. THE LAST WORD I feel like I operate on a different plane of existence these days. I was in a bathroom, and overheard some guy talking to all his friends about how he was making out with this girl, and how she was a slut and he was going to take her home. 30 minutes later, I was leaving with my girl when I saw him, standing with his Affliction T-Shirt wearing friends, shouting at some girls who were obviously leaving without them. His fate was entirely predictable. You could tell just from his insecurity. Some guys sabotage their own opportunities. When you believe that only slutty girls will have sex with you, you're demeaning yourself, and making sex seem more rare than it really is. When sex seems rare, you'll react to sexual situations by getting needy and trying too hard. This is a common attitude that causes guys to blow it with high quality girls (and even low quality girls), so the best they can do to validate themselves is to drag a drunken whore into a cab. "I always want sex. I often get sex. I never need sex." If you have sex often, you know that ALL girls love sex. It's just that they don't sleep with insecure judgmental morons. Learning and mastering your sexual beliefs is like learning a secret handshake that gets you into a secret club with the opposite sex. Becoming truly comfortable with sex will give a girl permission to be sexual around you. You're saying "I know you want it, and I'm just the guy to help you with that." |
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| Author: | Bond-007 [ Mon Jul 09, 2012 2:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
This topic comes in handy. First of all: nice structure, it`s easy to read and very concrete. Now I have a few questions to make. Let`s say I wish to be that guy who gets the girl, but I`m more of that moron who is a judgy motherfucker. You see, after some time and some awfull experiences in bed, let`s say a condom makes the job harder to pull; once I even had to call it off simply because I couldn`t get it up and the girl wouldn`t help; I`ve noticed I`m a bit more judgy than I should be about sex. And also that this is something so wrong and rooted so deep that I hardly practice kino on girls and end up as a jerk relying always in words and pulling the smartass routine by always wanting to have the last word. So tell me: how do you struggle with your prejudice about girls and sex? Cause I`m not enjoying it as much as I should, that`s for sure. Another question pops up: what are your thoughts on masturbation? Could this kill your confidence and make you look like an asshole to girls? Basically put you in the wrong mindframe? |
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| Author: | vcwriter [ Mon Jul 09, 2012 3:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: This topic comes in handy.
To be honest, it was something I had to struggle with. I remember when I was 19, alone in an apartment with a hot 24 year old. Her roommate (a friend of mine) conveniently ducked out, and I realized they were conspiring to make something happen. I couldn't deal with it, because the idea that this 24 year old having too much sex was "gross" to me.First of all: nice structure, it`s easy to read and very concrete. Now I have a few questions to make. Let`s say I wish to be that guy who gets the girl, but I`m more of that moron who is a judgy motherfucker. You see, after some time and some awfull experiences in bed, let`s say a condom makes the job harder to pull; once I even had to call it off simply because I couldn`t get it up and the girl wouldn`t help; I`ve noticed I`m a bit more judgy than I should be about sex. And also that this is something so wrong and rooted so deep that I hardly practice kino on girls and end up as a jerk relying always in words and pulling the smartass routine by always wanting to have the last word. So tell me: how do you struggle with your prejudice about girls and sex? Cause I`m not enjoying it as much as I should, that`s for sure. Or was it intimidating? At 19 I still hadn't had that many sexual partners. I think that caused me to put unrealistic judgments on other girls. "She's had 4 boyfriends?! I don't want anything to do with her!" "She hooked up with a guy outside a committed relationship? Man she must have an STD!" Now that I've had more partners, a girl who has been in 4 long term relationships steadily into her early 20s is practically a virgin to me. If I knew then what I knew now, I probably would have closed the deal, and had a lot more fun in general. When it comes to self improvement, a lot of us are our own worst enemy. I invented the "gross" or "unsafe" excuse to avoid dealing with my own sexual inexperience. I was also hanging onto some beliefs about sex (from religion, from parents) that didn't really make me a better person, or make me a happier person. I don't ignore safety now: a condom is still 100% necessary, I still don't fuck any girl that I get a truly bad feeling about, and I often resort to "not quite" sex. (I hate condoms too, BTW. That's why God invented BJs.) But you want to separate real caution from imagined worry. I also still have my ethics, but it includes a concept of healthy, fun, consensual sex. For you it will be different. It's good that you have the knowledge of self that you can understand how bad experiences might skew your views. You'll have to do the soul searching and ask yourself if your judgments are based in reality, and if your values are congruent with an enjoyable and meaningful life. IF you want to talk more about that, reply back, or shoot me a PM. Quote: Another question pops up: what are your thoughts on masturbation? Could this kill your confidence and make you look like an asshole to girls? Basically put you in the wrong mindframe?
I think everyone is different. I brush over these posts on the forum, but I suspect a lot of the advice out there is "this worked for me", trumped up with mythology and pseudoscience. I'm sure the abstinence crowd does feel like jerking off kills their sex drive, lowers their confidence, and screws up their expectations about girls. So I'm sure stopping has helped them a lot. But for every guy who benefits from "abstaining", there's a guy who benefits from "practicing". It keeps their sex drive going, improves their endurance, and builds a strong association between girls and being horny. The most important question is: how do you feel? Does it make you feel good? Ashamed? Weak? Excited? Relaxed? Does it make you love women more? Does it make you judge women more? It's possible that negative beliefs about sex are re-inforced by how you feel about masturbation. That might be a reason to stop. Or it might be the perfect place to start practicing non-judgment, so you can just have a release and have fun. Who knows? You just gotta try a bunch of things and see what helps you the most. |
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