PUA Forum :: Maintaining confidence

That's a really good point you make. Most people think I'm confident or I'm not. But even the most confident person is only confident more often than not. I doubt anyone (other than maybe some deranged people) are confident 100% of the time.

So you just want to make progress and be more confident more often.

Are there any patterns at all to when you are and are not confident or does it seem completely random to you?

Quote:

Can I join in? I have the same problem it would seem. Yesterday I was feeling sooo awesome at work. Laughing and talking like I never have before, it was great. Then the break comes and I went to the bank to cash a cheque and my teller was this hot brunette. I didn't act needy but I just kind of ignored her. Seems to be my way of not being needy, just ignoring, which really hit me funny. Then I went to the gas station next door and bought some water and found another woman there who I've seen a couple times that I think likes me (but who really knows?) and I ignored her too because I felt some kind of pressure.

Anyhow, after getting back to work I felt awful and it took me about 2 hours before I felt all confident again. Any insight on this? Am I just afraid of women (quite possible tbh) or is it that I'm afraid of being needy (failure) and so I just don't even go there? Any help would be appreciated as this is seriously a pattern I'd like to break. Thanks.

Quote:

I'd need more info about this. When you went back to work, why did you feel awful? What was running through your mind? And when exactly did the awful feeling start. Tell more about the whole process of how you shifted from feeling great to awful.

Author:	davidrobert [ Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Maintaining confidence
I've found that confidence isn't something you either have or you don't, but you kinda float in and out of. My problem is that more often than not I am over analysing and lack confidence. The biggest problem with this is that because confidence and self esteem is such a rarity that whenever I'm actually feeling good I immediately recognise that I'm on form or a friend will notice and this uncommon feeling gets sent spiralling back into SA. So I was wondering if anyone has any tips or exercises for maintaining/accepting that good feeling about yourself?

Author:	clearspeak [ Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:48 am ]
Post subject:
That's a really good point you make. Most people think I'm confident or I'm not. But even the most confident person is only confident more often than not. I doubt anyone (other than maybe some deranged people) are confident 100% of the time. So you just want to make progress and be more confident more often. Are there any patterns at all to when you are and are not confident or does it seem completely random to you?

Author:	Pintero [ Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: That's a really good point you make. Most people think I'm confident or I'm not. But even the most confident person is only confident more often than not. I doubt anyone (other than maybe some deranged people) are confident 100% of the time. So you just want to make progress and be more confident more often. Are there any patterns at all to when you are and are not confident or does it seem completely random to you? Can I join in? I have the same problem it would seem. Yesterday I was feeling sooo awesome at work. Laughing and talking like I never have before, it was great. Then the break comes and I went to the bank to cash a cheque and my teller was this hot brunette. I didn't act needy but I just kind of ignored her. Seems to be my way of not being needy, just ignoring, which really hit me funny. Then I went to the gas station next door and bought some water and found another woman there who I've seen a couple times that I think likes me (but who really knows?) and I ignored her too because I felt some kind of pressure. Anyhow, after getting back to work I felt awful and it took me about 2 hours before I felt all confident again. Any insight on this? Am I just afraid of women (quite possible tbh) or is it that I'm afraid of being needy (failure) and so I just don't even go there? Any help would be appreciated as this is seriously a pattern I'd like to break. Thanks.

Author:	clearspeak [ Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:42 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: That's a really good point you make. Most people think I'm confident or I'm not. But even the most confident person is only confident more often than not. I doubt anyone (other than maybe some deranged people) are confident 100% of the time. So you just want to make progress and be more confident more often. Are there any patterns at all to when you are and are not confident or does it seem completely random to you? Can I join in? I have the same problem it would seem. Yesterday I was feeling sooo awesome at work. Laughing and talking like I never have before, it was great. Then the break comes and I went to the bank to cash a cheque and my teller was this hot brunette. I didn't act needy but I just kind of ignored her. Seems to be my way of not being needy, just ignoring, which really hit me funny. Then I went to the gas station next door and bought some water and found another woman there who I've seen a couple times that I think likes me (but who really knows?) and I ignored her too because I felt some kind of pressure. Anyhow, after getting back to work I felt awful and it took me about 2 hours before I felt all confident again. Any insight on this? Am I just afraid of women (quite possible tbh) or is it that I'm afraid of being needy (failure) and so I just don't even go there? Any help would be appreciated as this is seriously a pattern I'd like to break. Thanks. I'd need more info about this. When you went back to work, why did you feel awful? What was running through your mind? And when exactly did the awful feeling start. Tell more about the whole process of how you shifted from feeling great to awful.

Author:	davidrobert [ Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:20 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: That's a really good point you make. Most people think I'm confident or I'm not. But even the most confident person is only confident more often than not. I doubt anyone (other than maybe some deranged people) are confident 100% of the time. So you just want to make progress and be more confident more often. Are there any patterns at all to when you are and are not confident or does it seem completely random to you? Can I join in? I have the same problem it would seem. Yesterday I was feeling sooo awesome at work. Laughing and talking like I never have before, it was great. Then the break comes and I went to the bank to cash a cheque and my teller was this hot brunette. I didn't act needy but I just kind of ignored her. Seems to be my way of not being needy, just ignoring, which really hit me funny. Then I went to the gas station next door and bought some water and found another woman there who I've seen a couple times that I think likes me (but who really knows?) and I ignored her too because I felt some kind of pressure. Anyhow, after getting back to work I felt awful and it took me about 2 hours before I felt all confident again. Any insight on this? Am I just afraid of women (quite possible tbh) or is it that I'm afraid of being needy (failure) and so I just don't even go there? Any help would be appreciated as this is seriously a pattern I'd like to break. Thanks. I can tell you that I've felt exactly the same. Ive scrutinized why I can just turn my confidence on when I need it. I even questioned whether I was gay at one point because I was petrified of closing. From my attempts in the last week, I've realised confidence really does come with practice. I now have no trouble smiling at a girls in the street (if she smiles back, I get a little boost of self esteem etc.), or even opening with girls but my self esteem falls when it comes to closing. Not so much k-closing but more at the point of getting a girl back to mine or hers. My mind starts telling me i'll screw it up somehow. The last woman I slept with was a bit of a disaster so maybe I need to get over that. I won't go into detail but there was blood and urine and it weren't me. Would this sort of thing harm confidence? Also is there a way round feeling as though I don't deserve confidence? I mean worrying has been whats got me through life and I want that to stop. If im not worrying, I start to worry about not worrying. Catch my drift? Its an endless cycle of anxiety.

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Author:	Pintero [ Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:21 pm ]
Post subject:
/\ I know what you mean dude. In my opinion, alot of the problem (at least for me) is caring too much about doing the 'right' thing, as if interactions with people and/or women are like threading a needle. I myself am trying to learn more about Zen and get in with that as it's supposed to do wonders for the inner game. Quote: I'd need more info about this. When you went back to work, why did you feel awful? What was running through your mind? And when exactly did the awful feeling start. Tell more about the whole process of how you shifted from feeling great to awful. Well I guess I felt bad that I was shying away (it started right after I came back from the gas station). I wanted to be able to be talking and making eye contact with people but I completely went back into my shell despite my super confidence all morning. I guess it was kind of like: what good is the confidence if, at the moment you need it, it's gone? I think I was disappointed in my failure to follow through with that confidence and also frustrated that it happened because my victim mentality kicked in also and made me think I was simply at the mercy of my own fear.

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