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Help needed to overcome approval
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Author:  bounty_killa [ Tue Jan 17, 2012 5:02 am ]
Post subject:  Help needed to overcome approval
Hello everyone. I posted a similar thread in the sticking points section, but this is related. So I've just finished my first semester of university and I realised I am a very dependent person. As in, I thrive on the approval of girls. When I have their attention, I feel on top of the world. When I don't I feel totally isolated and depressed. How can I change my thinking so this does not bother me at all? I have tried ignoring these feelings using hobbies but these thoughts always remain at the top of my mind.

Also, it is normal to be infatuated with multiple girls at the same time? And not necessarily in a sexual way..
Author:  Sexual Chocolate [ Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but do you have any friends? Like, friends who are guys? Having a group of buddies to bond and spend time with will definitely elevate any feelings of dependency on women, I think.

I may very well be totally wrong with this, but it sounds to me like you're looking for approval in general, and that you're only branching out to girls, which, if you're a straight guy, is only setting yourself up for failure.

I'd go back to the hobbies... don't half-ass it, though: find something you're generally interested in and that you love spending time doing. Find some friends with similar interests, and go from there. Build a life that you're happy with, and the girls will follow.
Author:  kenstheman01 [ Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Something to ponder
I wanna be an endorphin rush in everyone's life
Author:  kenstheman01 [ Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
my friend your looking at this all the wrong way. You need to be the center of every girls eyes. That's what makes you the alpha male you really are. Your brain is just sending the signals fueled by youre actions and your hormones send the emotions. You need to be the center of every girls life for at least a little while. When you start getting this feeling you're getting now, time to find a new girl and be her center. It's just nature dude. Feel the rush of approaching her, and enjoy being her joy in life. Good luck
Author:  bounty_killa [ Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but do you have any friends? Like, friends who are guys?
This might be part of the problem. Most of my close friends left for university abroad already. I went through a semester just trying to make new friends again. Sad part is I will have to go through it again when I leave for England.

I'm doing engineering btw. Girls, muchless hot girls are pretty scarce in here.lol

But I get what you all are saying. In the beginning I had an indifferent attitude towards girls and didn't care much what they thought about me. I want to be that way again.
Author:  Sexual Chocolate [ Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm doing engineering btw. Girls, muchless hot girls are pretty scarce in here.lol
I study engineering, too... I know exactly what you mean!
Quote:
But I get what you all are saying. In the beginning I had an indifferent attitude towards girls and didn't care much what they thought about me. I want to be that way again.
Sounds like a goal, make it happen!
Author:  bounty_killa [ Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:08 am ]
Post subject: 
So I'm reading How to Win Friends And Influence People...and one of the chapters says that you should never criticize/condemn people - to see things from their perspective. So I'm wondering...does this amount to making excuses for when others fuck up? Especially when dealing with girls?
Author:  Sexual Chocolate [ Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So I'm reading How to Win Friends And Influence People...and one of the chapters says that you should never criticize/condemn people - to see things from their perspective. So I'm wondering...does this amount to making excuses for when others fuck up? Especially when dealing with girls?
Good book, but I don't think that ignoring people's shortcomings altogether is what Dale Carnegie had in mind when he wrote it: I think what he's saying is to not jump to, or act on, preemptive conclusions. When someone fucks up, you should take an objective look at the situation... why did they fuck up? Look at it from their point of view, and look at their motivations. Did they fuck up on purpose to hurt you, or was it purely accidental? Figure out what's going on, and go from there.

As far as girls go, it's important to remember that they think differently than we, as guys, do. The way they do things, and their motivations for doing them, oftentimes don't make any sense at all if you're thinking with the typical guy's mindset. What you might project as fucking up on their part might actually be intentional, and vice versa.

So to answer your question, no, I don't think you should blindly make excuses for people. On the other hand, you shouldn't jump to conclusions right off the bat and start accusing them of things or "cutting them off." You should look at the whole situation, take their motivations and personality into consideration, and figure out why they did what they did. Then, use that information to help you do whatever is in your best interests.
Author:  bounty_killa [ Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok I think I get it. So lets use this example.

I was met this girl at the start of the semester and things seemed to be going my way; she would text me often, arrange to meet me more than once for the week and we would spend a few hours just hanging out when we met. Then one day she flaked out on me when we was supposed to meet, never even called to tell me and didn't take my calls or respond to my text. I didn't see her for about two weeks in which time she completely ignored any of my attempts to contact her. Then one day on campus I saw her hugging some other dude, and when she saw me she pretended not to see me.

By this time it was pretty clear to me that for some reason she didn't want to have anything to do with me (which I am still confused about). What is a PUA's response to this situation? In those two weeks I felt like utter shit and I couldn't even focus on my work and my game was shot.
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Author:  Sexual Chocolate [ Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok I think I get it. So lets use this example.

I was met this girl at the start of the semester and things seemed to be going my way; she would text me often, arrange to meet me more than once for the week and we would spend a few hours just hanging out when we met. Then one day she flaked out on me when we was supposed to meet, never even called to tell me and didn't take my calls or respond to my text. I didn't see her for about two weeks in which time she completely ignored any of my attempts to contact her. Then one day on campus I saw her hugging some other dude, and when she saw me she pretended not to see me.

By this time it was pretty clear to me that for some reason she didn't want to have anything to do with me (which I am still confused about). What is a PUA's response to this situation? In those two weeks I felt like utter shit and I couldn't even focus on my work and my game was shot.
[/i]
Just let her go. It wasn't meant to be. She obviously doesn't have any interest in you, and, unfortunately, there's not much you can do to change that. Trust me, I've been in your situation MANY times, and it does feel like total shit, but when you put yourself out on the line like that, you have to accept the possibility of failure with the possibility of success. The best thing to do, I've found, is to move on to someone else.
Author:  bounty_killa [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 9:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
How do you respond to a girl when she asks if you're a virgin? I will be 20 years old this year and my usual response is something like "because I haven't found the right girl.." somehow although sounding superficially sweet I think this is AFC?
Author:  Mr Freeze [ Sun Jan 22, 2012 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Approval seeking and validation seeking
Hey there. This is my very first post on a PUA forum. I've read a bit and done some homework to improve my game over the last few years but I keep getting into relationships and losing it all.

In any case to the approval thing. It's pretty fundamental to your inner game right? That's what we're all working on long term. I mean after you realize that how you feel depends on the reactions of someone you've just talked to you feel like a wimp. This goes for general social interactions as well as if not more than when you hit on a girl. While it's key it should be approached concurrently with your outer game, it's one of those things that takes a lot of time and reflection. It's actually something I'm trying to find reading material on at the moment, I'll probably read how to make friends and influence people soon. Read about it, work on it, and in the mean time get out and keep practicing the outer stuff.

To the guy who's asking what to do about the girl who's blanking him. I'm an AFC and I even know that's AFC stuff. You're focusing on one girl, which is only going to make you unattractive to her. Start hanging out with her friends and hit on them. Get popular with her guy friends. Become the center of her social circle, but don't directly hit on her. THAT IS IF YOU WANT TO MAKE HER A PROJECT AND ARE DETERMINED to get with her. Easier solution... move on and find a new girl who you haven't lowered your value in front of.
Author:  Sexual Chocolate [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 3:22 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
How do you respond to a girl when she asks if you're a virgin? I will be 20 years old this year and my usual response is something like "because I haven't found the right girl.." somehow although sounding superficially sweet I think this is AFC?
Damn, that's a tough one. Ideally you shouldn't find yourself in that position... usually if someone asks you if you're a virgin, it's because they suspect you're a virgin. If they suspect you're a virgin, it's usually because you did something or said something only a virgin would do. I'd just work towards improving your "aura," and if you do find yourself up against that question, I'd just shrug it off and say something like, "Don't worry about it." Treat it like a joke. The absolute worst thing you can do is to get all defensive about it.
Author:  Donston [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
You shouldn't seek approval from no one but from with in. You should find approval, happiness, validation, confidence from with in! If you seek approval, confidence, and fun from your environment then you will be reliant on it! Beside doesn't seeking approval from girls make you needy? Girls can sense this and find it un attractive. It's like you are sucking value off them.

Examples of guys who seek approval, confidence, happiness, fun from the environment are the chodes who stand against the walls with their drinks, about chest height, in the clubs. Or chodes who say I can only talk to girls when I'm drunk. Or chodes who talk to girls and their intentions are "I hope I'm impressing her" or I "Hope she doesn't reject me" .... "Please don't judge me" ....

If you find approval, confidence, and happiness from with in then you will be providing value. Girls will sense this and feel super attracted to you because you are non needy. Therefore be self amusing, be self confident, be self happy!

So how do you get this mind frame? Well first off, you must develop an abundance mind frame. That if one girl rejects you, it will be of no problem because there will be another girl for your to interact with (this can be achieved by approaching lots of girls). When you have this mind frame no girl will reject you because they sense that you are a pre selected guy. That you don't care if you get rejected because you have other girls to interact with! Next is to develop a mind frame that you are enough and that a girl will like you for who you are. This is kind of thinking is like, you don't give a f*** what she thinks, that you are comfortable to put your personality on the line. This is called being authentic, were you have no problem of talking about what you want to talk about. Being authentic is super attractive to girls. Girls are always watching this and if you are not honest then the interaction is lost.

This is what most naturals think, they may not know they are thinking like this, but that's how they are programmed and that's why they get lots of girls!

There are lots self help books like The power of now or The new Earth, or The founthead.

Sorry for the rant! I've been re programming myself to think like this for months now ... and the results are ... I'm more happy ^_^. I dictate my validation, confidence, fun, and happiness. Why should others control that of you?

Hehehe ... hoped that help!

Sincerely,

Donston
Author:  bounty_killa [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Damn, that's a tough one. Ideally you shouldn't find yourself in that position... usually if someone asks you if you're a virgin, it's because they suspect you're a virgin. If they suspect you're a virgin, it's usually because you did something or said something only a virgin would do. I'd just work towards improving your "aura," and if you do find yourself up against that question, I'd just shrug it off and say something like, "Don't worry about it." Treat it like a joke. The absolute worst thing you can do is to get all defensive about it.
Thanks man. Alot of girls I talk to are surprised I've never had a girlfriend (if it gets that far in the comfort zone- which i guess i should not be telling girls?)

Donston nice to hear from someone who faced the same problem. Will be starting a new life in a foreign country so this was super helpful.. although its tough.

On a side note, I get this anxiety when I see girls I'm interested in. I can approach and talk to them just find though. But sometimes I don't even want to talk to them and this anxiety is just there, making me all sick and shit. Should I just ignore this, will it go away over time?
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