PUA Forum :: coping with failure

We all know that even the world's greatest pick up artist will get shot down from time to time. The difference between him and an AFC? He will smile, walk away and not give a flying fuck. The AFC who is still learning about pick up will walk away feeling defeated and start to doubt himself.

I realized today that I unfortunately lean towards the AFC. Let's supposed I just got shot down by a girl and walked away feeling defeated and doubting myself. If I approached another cute girl and got a positive response from her, I would instantly not care about my initial failure and instead be proud of myself for succeeding with the second girl. In other words, my confidence level seems to be very dependent upon results. I guess this is because despite all the work I've done to refine my outer game, at some subconscious level, I am still an AFC. I've read article after article about frame control, believing in yourself, etc. But apparently I can't fully internalize that mindset. I can't seem to subconsciously accept the fact that it's ok to fail, since there will always be another chance to succeed. And that bothers me. What the hell do I do? Start cold approaching? I'm a university student, so I don't wanna approach 5 random girls a day and be known as that random creeper who talks to random girls.

Author:	pocket_rockets [ Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:25 am ]
Post subject:	coping with failure
We all know that even the world's greatest pick up artist will get shot down from time to time. The difference between him and an AFC? He will smile, walk away and not give a flying fuck. The AFC who is still learning about pick up will walk away feeling defeated and start to doubt himself. I realized today that I unfortunately lean towards the AFC. Let's supposed I just got shot down by a girl and walked away feeling defeated and doubting myself. If I approached another cute girl and got a positive response from her, I would instantly not care about my initial failure and instead be proud of myself for succeeding with the second girl. In other words, my confidence level seems to be very dependent upon results. I guess this is because despite all the work I've done to refine my outer game, at some subconscious level, I am still an AFC. I've read article after article about frame control, believing in yourself, etc. But apparently I can't fully internalize that mindset. I can't seem to subconsciously accept the fact that it's ok to fail, since there will always be another chance to succeed. And that bothers me. What the hell do I do? Start cold approaching? I'm a university student, so I don't wanna approach 5 random girls a day and be known as that random creeper who talks to random girls.

Author:	GetFamiliar [ Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:13 am ]
Post subject:	Re: coping with failure
Quote: We all know that even the world's greatest pick up artist will get shot down from time to time. The difference between him and an AFC? He will smile, walk away and not give a flying fuck. The AFC who is still learning about pick up will walk away feeling defeated and start to doubt himself. I realized today that I unfortunately lean towards the AFC. Let's supposed I just got shot down by a girl and walked away feeling defeated and doubting myself. If I approached another cute girl and got a positive response from her, I would instantly not care about my initial failure and instead be proud of myself for succeeding with the second girl. In other words, my confidence level seems to be very dependent upon results. I guess this is because despite all the work I've done to refine my outer game, at some subconscious level, I am still an AFC. I've read article after article about frame control, believing in yourself, etc. But apparently I can't fully internalize that mindset. I can't seem to subconsciously accept the fact that it's ok to fail, since there will always be another chance to succeed. And that bothers me. What the hell do I do? Start cold approaching? I'm a university student, so I don't wanna approach 5 random girls a day and be known as that random creeper who talks to random girls. I think the best thing for you to do here is to take a step away from pick up and take some time to love yourself. Your happiness should not be dependent on whether or not you don't successfully close every set you open.

Author:	pocket_rockets [ Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:40 am ]
Post subject:
The thing is, I know deep down that I have what it takes to be great at pick up. I can be funny, I can make people have a good time, etc. There's just a few things holding me back. Being results-oriented is one of them. I don't hate myself. This isn't a self-esteem issue or anything. This is an issue about there being something fundamentally wrong with the way I look at things when it comes to pick up. I agree with the fact that happiness should not depend on success rate. But I can't take my time and back away. I'm in my last year of university. When I graduate I'm not gonna be going to a campus filled with literally 3000 hot chicks on a regular basis. Before that happens I need to find out what's holding me back so I can be the player I've always dreamed of being. I just feel like there's a few missing pieces to this puzzle. I have potential. We all do. But I just can't piece the puzzle together...

Author:	GetFamiliar [ Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:47 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: The thing is, I know deep down that I have what it takes to be great at pick up. I can be funny, I can make people have a good time, etc. There's just a few things holding me back. Being results-oriented is one of them. I don't hate myself. This isn't a self-esteem issue or anything. This is an issue about there being something fundamentally wrong with the way I look at things when it comes to pick up. I agree with the fact that happiness should not depend on success rate. But I can't take my time and back away. I'm in my last year of university. When I graduate I'm not gonna be going to a campus filled with literally 3000 hot chicks on a regular basis. Before that happens I need to find out what's holding me back so I can be the player I've always dreamed of being. I just feel like there's a few missing pieces to this puzzle. I have potential. We all do. But I just can't piece the puzzle together... Well, the best advice I can give you is to shut all of your electronics off and sit in a quiet room. Then think hard about your actions and motives...everything. Learning about yourself is alot easier than you think...you just have to remove the distactions.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:46 am ]
Post subject:
I feel like pocket rockets. I feel just like you. There is something fundamentally wrong with how I think. I Should take a step back and calm down when I get shut down sure. But I would rather be a PUA. We are men, lets not let the other species know how we feel until they deserve that from us. I would rather not cold approch ether. Women would get creeped out by all the game. Perhaps I should not care. A PUA would not care. I feel brain washed by life and PU. Other advice would be good.

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Author:	marty12345 [ Sat Nov 12, 2011 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:
You dream of being a player? Whose dream is that exactly? You want to be a player yet you would consider approaching women on your university campus as making you some sort of random creep? Is that really the mindset of a player? And suddenly not being at uni would mean you won't meet loads of women? Is that the attitude a player would have? Never mind this player guy you apparently want to be. Who are you now? You're not results orientated. Well, not to the degree you think you are right now. Sure, getting the results proves to you that you're on the right track to becoming this player guy you think you want to be. And getting knocked back makes you think you did something wrong and are far away from being that player guy. But the fact is that your confidence is in the hands of the girls you meet. She can make you feel crap about yourself or she can make you think you're a player. You've handed your power to a bunch of girls. And continuing to do that will leave you very far from being a player or even being happy. Return to your personal power. A girl you've just met cannot reject you or shoot you down. She has no idea who you are. She can only reject or shoot down the option of spending time with you. Results do not matter. This is not a test. It's about you meeting some great new person who will enrich your life. If you knew for sure that getting shot down fifty times would lead you to meet an amazing new person who would give you great new experiences, you'd spend your time making sure you got through those fifty rejections. You'd want to get them out of the way as soon as possible. You'd experience them and just walk away feeling calm and relaxed, wouldn't you? Leaving university can be an adjustment of sorts. But it's something you can sort. There's no time limit here. No test. Results have little to no meaning. It's the things with heartbeats and blood flow that matter. Every step is a step closer to the great experiences and the great people who will help you write the book of your life. Make it a good story. Because one day, people will read it and be inspired and enchanted. So, yeah, make it a darn good story.

Author:	mattflow [ Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:
You have to back yourself 100% when you approach and in what you choose to do. alot of It depends on what you tell yourself when you fail and before you even approach writing down that dialogue can show you what you started to tell yourself well before the approach then by the time you get there the subcommunication is along the lines of 'you wouldnt be interested in me would you'. Ego has a lot to do with the reason someone wont approach and the Ego comes from fear most likely a deep fear of not being enough or fear of being discovered. to start off I used to try force a blow out on purpose i wasnt rude to women but my opener would be a non serious one like 'hi my names jim how am i going so far' then your not putting to much into it and the cool girls will still be open to chat.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Sun Nov 13, 2011 2:31 am ]
Post subject:
Mattflow, I like the blowout idea. Gunna try it next time. Question? What does one tell ones-self before a approach to have a great sub-communication?

Author:	mattflow [ Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:29 am ]
Post subject:
bring your best qualities to the forefront of your mind,relaxed friendly guy,funny ,great family or friends or whatever, get excited about what the future holds for your life etc just be doing this type of dialogue with yourself before you get to the venue once your there you will be in a much beter state of mind more centered and a less needy subcommunication.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:55 am ]
Post subject:
Great, so its like the secret, I have seen that. (its all about a mind state of appreciation for what you value in your life.) I value my friends and my determination. I will think about such things and try to calm down. Thanks man

Author:	swagstar [ Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:25 am ]
Post subject:
The day you realize rejection is a way of learning and gaining experience, it`s the day you`ve broken from your AFC mould and on the way to a decent PUA.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:34 am ]
Post subject:
Awesome, I can agree with that. This girl hb8 asked me to go for a walk today that I did not know (good vibe) Awesome chat, she wanted the kiss in the end. I went in. Whoops bad timing. Oh well she got my number. Maybe she will call but who cares. It took some balls to do for only talking for 30min.

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