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Positivity and ego
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Author:  GeorgePH [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Positivity and ego
Hey, guys

I have no concerns about my outer game and developing it, but I would really like to get some input on 2 things that I want to develop in inner game.

1. Positivity
When I'm relaxed, it's on: my social skills are good, I'm very optimistic and positive, everything is awesome. But I also have a crappy quality - I get stressed fairly easily, and my insomnia doesn't help.

Once my stress and sleep deprivation build up over a few weeks, it reflects negatively on my social skills and attitude. I lose my usual positivity and become way too focused on my inner thoughts as opposed to the outside world. Even smiling seems unnatural when I get like this. And since I'm focused on my own thoughts, I become a lot less sharp socially.

How can I work on being more chilled out and positive in everyday life?

2. Ego
The other thing is my ego. I really want to be more humble. If an event "attacks" my ego - i.e. another person does something that might be misconstrued as disrespectful, hurtful, etc - my natural reaction is a strong sense of anger. I might think something like: "How dare that person say that to me?"

This happens even when, logically, I realise that I'm being unreasonable.

How can I get to the point where I don't get angry over small things and stop caring about my ego? I'm not talking about conflict avoidance, or not acting out on my feelings; I'm talking genuinely not giving a crap about events that don't match how I feel people should act towards me.


Any and all help would be strongly appreciated.
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
'stop thinking ... if you ever caught yourself thinking or thinking about seeking approval you need to stop yourself and tell yourself that you are the source of happiness.

fixating on anything external only f*cks you up....how you feel is more important than anything else. you can have a great life with a inifite amount of money and woman but if you aren't centered in a positive way you will still feel unhappy.

anything external like for example relationships will not change the way you feel , if you don't feel good you cannot feel good in a relationship - you are only using that relationship to achieve a superficial amount of well being.

tell yourself to stop thinking and that thinking about external shit is retarded....

meditation.. just stopping your thoughts is a great way... either you lead your brain or your brain leads you. you live life or life lives you...life lives you when you are being attached to external things.

if you cannot sleep you are probably having over-active mind, caused by repressed emotions or psychological trauma. you are at a certain phase of development , this time you will need to use discipline because you will face improvement and recession - stopping your ego takes time and energy.
get this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Ruling-Your-World ... 259&sr=8-2
Author:  GeorgePH [ Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey bro

I'll check out the book, but most of the stuff you recommended is something I already know/am doing.

I try to meditate every day, and it helps to a certain extent. I know everything you posted on a logical level. Insomnia runs in my family.. I'm not sure what to do about that, to be honest, I've been trying to fix it for 8+ years and it hasn't happened so far :(.

What I want to try and do is go deeper inside myself and change.

With regards to ego/approval - I'm already at the stage where I don't seek approval. However, it would be accurate to say that I can react negatively to disapproval. For some reason, that's harder for me to eliminate.

Positive energy.. I just really wish I could be one of those people who is high-energy and smiling all the time.

I'm not disregarding your advice, and meditation helps (a lot), but I'm looking for a more direct, targeted approach at fixing this stuff.
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
With regards to ego/approval - I'm already at the stage where I don't seek approval. However, it would be accurate to say that I can react negatively to disapproval. For some reason, that's harder for me to eliminate.
you don't like people being honest ? even if you are unreasonable ? i still see someone who is seeking approval .... people reject your or dissaprove, so you do what they want and you get mad ?

did it ever occured to you that you are actually angry to get approval ?

just thank people who are rejecting/disapproving you...just perform the opposite action. Because in reality they are just being honest... and 2 by thanking them you totally are screwing up your ego... breaking through certain neuro-patterns.

aside from that ..

which enviroment are you in ? do you hate your job or people around you ? if you hate your job you probably are projecting that hate on co-workers which of course in time will develop to a automatic-pilot-type behaviour
Author:  GeorgePH [ Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
I never said I don't like people being honest. But if someone's rude to me - and we all face rudeness sooner or later - my inner reaction is sometimes like, "how dare this person be rude to me?". By being unreasonable, I meant situations like those. I feel like I should view situations like that with more empathy. Because, again, we all face rudeness; I shouldn't take the bait and react!

I'll tell you honestly, I don't know if this is some kind of approval-seeking thing. If you look at it from a certain angle, I guess it might be. But I know my own patterns, and I've thought of this as more of a temper/ego problem than something to do with approval.

As for my environment.. I wouldn't say I hate my job or the people around me. My job could be better and I'm moving towards quitting by 2012, but I don't hate it. The people around me are actually awesome. Overall, I really like my life :).

If there's one thing, it's that I have a tendency to always hunger for more. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel satisfied with what I already have; as soon as I achieve something I wanted, I set new goals. Maybe that's part of what stresses me out, but on the other hand that's what keeps me moving forward.
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