Quote: tenonine if you're relying on a play list doesnt that kind of put an extra pressure on you to escalate at a certain pace because the songs will change?
That's not really the way I look at it. When the songs slow down and become more suggestive in their lyrics, I calibrate my speech, proximity, kino, as if I'm taking a cue from the music. So this way, the progression seems natural, as if we're hearing a soundtrack to a movie we're both in.
So for the first few songs, I'm fixing our drinks and we're chatting casually, because I want her to be comfortable, unthreatened about being in my place. We sit down, she takes a few drinks, and the music begins to slow and I've steered the conversation to more personal, intimate subjects. Then some compliance testing to see if the alcohol and music is having its desired effect. If for some reason she's moving slower than the music, I just get up and change it. (I have another playlist that takes longer to get intimate, if that's what I need.)
The thing I don't like about movies / TV is that she's living vicariously through the characters on the screen. Her attention isn't on you. And so the moment you touch her, it breaks that spell, in what may be an awkward, unpleasant way. She can't fully enjoy your company, nor can she fully enjoy the movie. It'll be annoying to her.
But by the same token, it's good to have something playing on the screen, so that you don't feel constant pressure to look at one another. So after starting the music, I flip on a Fellini or Godard picture, because they're visually romantic filmmakers. Shows that I'm cultured, too, and adds another conversation topic if things stall. But since the movies are in Italian / French, there's no real danger of her saying, "kill the music so I can hear what they're saying." She's watching a muted movie, listening to suggestive music and talking to me, all at the same time. Unless she's a great multitasker she'll have a hard time doing all these things at the same time as she thinks about her boyfriend, or the friend she promised she was going to pick up, or whatever else is the obstacle to sex.
Anyway, the one thing for me is that I have an impulse to tune in to the lyrics of a song and to do an emotional lip synch. It's hard to resist that, and that's why I was looking for songs with lyrics that could keep me in state. I think the problem is that I have mostly rock music; R&B lyrics tend to be more masculine, less needy.
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