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(Serious) Insecure about having little friends.. =(
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Author:  TheCanadianEdisonC [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:30 am ]
Post subject:  (Serious) Insecure about having little friends.. =(
Guys, how would you feel if you had "no friends" while you are trying to attract a girlfriend?

I would feel insecure.

I go to college, and I have no problems making good friends with EVERYONE from school. But I just hardly hang out with anyone outside of school. I have only a few close friends I keep in touch with back from highschool. But they don't always chill with me so I rarely go out and do much, especially on weekends.. I simply dont keep in touch with a lot of people. I dont even celebrate holidays with anyone.

The problem is I would feel embarassed if the girl I'm trying to attract knows about this issue i'm having with my social life (i'm being very straightfoward). I think I have this belief that women would be turned off by a lack of social life or a wide social network or at least some good buddies that's down with me. It seems kind of like a "boring life", thus, a "boring guy" to be with. (But I know that I'm not boring). And so I dont feel completely confident attracting a girlfriend into my life, like an obstacle. I don't know, it seems like I don't want to be open about it when it comes to women I like. So then it seems like I'm hiding something, or possibly being dishonest... which wouldn't be good at all, and if she eventually finds out.

Perhaps another reason I'm not open about my lack of social life is because of my image, my pride, and my value.. or my ego?

:!: What would you do? Is there a flaw in my belief?

:idea:
As a side note, or FYI.. I was very popular before and was the life of the party back in the day before my social life came upon this position. Mostly because I have changed and had dropped many negative influencial friends, party animals, and egoistic friends. But yet I have faith that I will attract more positive friends in the future.
Author:  fishermans_friend [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 9:24 am ]
Post subject: 
You sound a lot like me exept that I was never popular.
Author:  Spunky_00 [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
hey mate,

i know how u feel but if u dont have many friends.. what r u gonna do abt it ?

are u gonna sook in pity of go out there and meet people and start making friends?

im not being negative but just tryin to motivate u to make a change u want in ur life.

going sarging is not just abt picking up chick to lay but also helps you meet new people and make friends.

go sarge and open up few sets and if you get along with those people, say " you guys seem really kool and have a good vibe about you.. blah blah and say we could hand out togeather or next time im out ill give u guys a buzz or something.

I have this quote for you " every new day is a new opportunity to turn ur life around" be the person u want.

Dont have negative thoughts man, u need to work on ur inner self.

enjoy
Author:  Chain_of_Events [ Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:31 am ]
Post subject: 
-You know that neediness and taking value repels people. You know that positivity and giving value attracts people.

-How do you ask for a number for a HB? I hand her the phone and look in the other direction. People want to hang out with you

-People are always clinging to environments and situations where they feel more comfortable. You want to not look like a dork, and you dont. But now you can't get to know anyone.

-Noone will make you conquer your fears



How do I know? I don't lol. I'm building my social circle as well.
Author:  frost3627 [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:03 am ]
Post subject: 
I've felt like this too. I think we all go through this at some point or another, and your story seems too familiar to my own.

I can't say I'm totally out of this, but every now and then I manage to get away with the feeling by assuming rapport with the person I'm talking to. Sometimes it works wonders, other times it doesn't (you just cant break out of the 'boring life' feeling).

You see other people doing 'fun' looking stuff and you feel awkward about how you never do any of that. It's just insecurity creeping up now and then. One good site I found to help with this is the positivityblog, look it up on google. Helps on most days.
Author:  J. Jay [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 9:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Join a Gym or Health Club and become a familiar face. Participate in group classes and events.

You cannot go wrong with this and you will also be improving your fitness and appearance at the same time!
Author:  RVAIS [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've come to the conclusion that social networking has made the whole "fake it to ya make" theory for DHV and pre selection impossible. As soon as she says look for me up on facebook or facebook me and she looks at your friends list and sees it a total susage fest or worse that you don't have many friends at all your chances of faking it or gone.
Author:  Karizmatic [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I've come to the conclusion that social networking has made the whole "fake it to ya make" theory for DHV and pre selection impossible. As soon as she says look for me up on facebook or facebook me and she looks at your friends list and sees it a total susage fest or worse that you don't have many friends at all your chances of faking it or gone.
A man is not defined by what he says, but by his actions. A liar is a poor exaple of what a Man should be.

To reap the rewards of social and proffesional success, you need to become the person that deserves them. Whatever your choice or use of game, hard work is still required.

"Fake it till u make it", or telling a girl your something your not, wont get you laid. Attraction is a result numerous variables, I personally recommend Adam Lyons formula. Either way, its foundation comes from who you are and your identity, not what you say or how many stories you can tell.

Find your identity, realise what you want (fling/fuck, ltr, numerous ltr's, etc), and become the person you want to be.

The worst thing you can become is a leech - A sit at home, flexiwork pua, that copies what the marketted names do.

If you want online social networking skills, there are specific guides dedicated to tailoring your profile, increasing status and attracting friends.
Author:  timer [ Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
To open a set with guys in it you have to sarge the guys first to lower their gaurd....

You can go out and sarge guys, without being gay, looking for friends.

Go do things you like to do in public and other people that like to do the same things as you will be there, you already have at least one interest in common.

And you will get practice opening guys so when you open a set the girls in it will see you are social and that is almost auto DHV.
Author:  JXDX [ Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:26 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm sort of in this situation. I've got a few work buddies but I don't really hang with them. We're cool and all and have done stuff outside of work a few times, but not enough to forge any serious friendship.

On top of that I'm almost at the point where I feel I want a girlfriend. If anything, I'm sure you can just merge in with her social circle if you deem them cool enough. If you're a normal guy who seems pretty tight, they should have no problems accepting you.
Author:  Mind Hacker [ Sun Oct 10, 2010 3:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Same problem here. Still didn't find a workable solution for my lack of friends.
Author:  _Jax_ [ Sun Dec 05, 2010 10:07 am ]
Post subject: 
I have the same problem. Lots of people do.
What I found that helps is to place very high value on the close friends you do have. Think and treat them like they are the best friends you have ever had.
I personally have only about 3 friends I hang out with on a regular basis. Two being girls, 1 being a guy. Instead of thinking on how 3 friends aren't enough, I think about how the 3 friends I do have know me the best. And im just fine with that :)
Author:  salad_fingers [ Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
I just wonder if the OP has issues with being able to keep in contact with people. Is it because you run out of things to say, fear coming across as clingy?
Author:  minsok [ Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think a lot of you guys are missing something here. Some of us don't really care about most people. I have a lot of acquaintances, I can be friendly as shit, but I have literally 2 friends. As long as I can make art, I feel almost 0 need for other people. I know this is an old thread, but it's entirely possible the OP isn't supposed to have a lot of friends, that's he's supposed to be an introvert. More to the point, the OP doesn't even feel like he's missing out. He doesn't care that he doesn't have anyone to go camping with or roadtrips to Vegas, the only reason he "cares" is to impress women. Didn't anyone else get that? Some women are loners too, and they won't judge you by your friend count; they will understand. Stop faking it and accept who you are. No one is perfectly content, there's huge drawbacks to having a lot of friends, too.
Author:  trebor [ Sat Dec 18, 2010 4:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm in the same boat as OP. I've worked hard on it recently, which has built up a few loose acquaintances, but none of them have become very close friends. And I don't really know how to do that. It feels like everyone I meet is already in a tight-knit social group with close friends from school or their first years of college/uni, and I don't know how to get inside that as an older person.

I guess it's because I kinda messed up my life from mid-teenage years to early twenties; for various reasons I didn't have friends, and nobody close to me. I developed major trust issues with everyone (even my direct family) so never let anyone in (and therefore never told anyone anything about myself), and basically had no social skills and nobody to develop them with or learn about making relationships.

That isn't me any more, I've changed loads. And two of the key things were to 1) stop caring about what anyone might think, and 2) to have my own opinions and voice them (kind of related to 1). Obviously I still care too much though, if I'm worried about people seeing my lack of friends or finding out about my life before the last couple of years. But it should only matter who I am now, we are living in the now.
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