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| How to get a life! https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=136&t=147353 |
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| Author: | secretaznman [ Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | How to get a life! |
Almost anywhere you live in the world, you can find a ton of hidden activities that can enrich your life. I used to be friends with a guy who always seemed to know about great activities to do. If liking him as a person wasn’t enough, the fact that he always knew where to go and what to do was enough reason for me to keep this guy in my life. Be that guy. Become the expert at finding fun things to do. When you always have your plate full with fun activities, you naturally start to draw people into your life. You have a base for relating to other people. I like to ask my clients, if you had the perfect woman in your life, what kind of things would you be doing with her? Yes, pickup can teach you to become proficient and confident in any environment you’re in. But beyond the first date, if you don’t have interesting things going on in your life, it will be very difficult to keep women in your life. And the ones that you do keep will be boring. Here are some important tips to finding great things to do every night of the week: Make It Your Job to Find Fun Activities There are a number of magazines, events lists, and websites that talk about all the great things going on in your city. My favorite guide right now is Time Out. They have Time Out magazine in almost every major city. Once a week, I sit down and go through Time Out New York. I read it like it’s a homework assignment. Anything that interests me, I put into my calendar or look it up online. I buy tickets to upcoming events. I sign up for classes that interest me. There are a lot of other events in your city. You can Google events and your citya nd you'll find some. I’ll list a few here, for my location, New York. Feel free to add more in comments. I’m sure there’s a bunch more I’m missing. timeout http://www.timeout.com/ flavorpill http://flavorpill.com/newyork nonsense nyc http://www.nonsensenyc.com/about/ brooklyn based http://brooklynbased.net/event/ field trip day http://www.fieldtripday.com/ atlas obscura http://atlasobscura.com/blog The Moth storytelling http://themoth.org/events Artcal Gallery Opening listings in NYC http://www.artcat.com/ Upright Citizens Brigade improv theater http://www.ucbtheatre.com/ Secret Science Club http://secretscienceclub.blogspot.com/ This is just a sampling of some stuff I like to do. There are also classes (art, dance, cooking, sailing, scuba diving), volunteering, political groups, health (like yoga, hiking), sports (climbing, soccer, softball, basketball leagues), boardgame nights, trivia nights, festivals, burlesque, literary readings, theater, etc. Go Alone This may be the most important piece of advice here. I don’t wait to ask someone before I buy tickets to events. I’ll invite friends to some, but many events I end up going to alone. By going to events alone, I can go to a new event every night of the week without worrying whether I have a wing or a chaperone. It gives me a lot of freedom. Planning to go to events alone is great because when that second date rolls around, you've already got something great to do and she can simply come along if she wants. You have a life that you can bring her into. That's so attractive. You can also take more risks when you go alone. You may be hesitant to invite a friend out to an event if you're worried it's going to suck. But if you go alone, you can explore and find out what is good and what you really like. Simply Show Up Whenever you go out alone, there’s always that fear. What if people see me there without anyone, will I look like a loser? What if no one else is there and I feel weird? What if everyone else is there with friends but me? For this I tell myself: Simply show up. Woody Allen once said, “Eighty per cent of success is simply showing up.” Simply get yourself to the event. Whatever you need to do to get yourself there, do it. If the event totally sucks, you can pretend you got a phone call and walk out the door right away. At least you showed up. If possible, try to hang out for a bit after you get there. Sometimes you need to hang out for a bit to actually get a feel for if it's gonna be good. Walk around. Stand at the bar and have a drink. Pretend you’re waiting for your friends to show up. Start Small If you have a lot of anxiety planning and going to events alone, start small. Find one new activity to do every week. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do something new every single night or you’ll burn yourself out. Focus on activities where there will be women Since meeting women is part of what this subreddit is about, you’ll want to foster interests that have a higher possibility of meeting women. Some activities are more geared toward meeting women than others. While it’s worth going to gaming conventions, star-trek conventions, and comic-book conventions if that’s what interests you, you may find a much lower number of women at these events then say yoga, art gallery openings, or theater events. If you’re looking for new interests, put your energy toward those that have a lot of women. Avoid Home As introverted guys, our home is our refuge. It's so easy to escape there. There are so many excuses to simply go home. After work, you're tired. There's no one to go out with. The event will probably suck. I probably won't meet anyone. etc. And once home, there is a lot of momentum to stay there. Avoid the tar pit of your home. Nothing happens there. Life happens when you walk out your front door. With a little consistency, planning, and bravery, pretty soon you'll have a more exciting life than you can imagine. And that's attractive! |
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| Author: | Sidnne [ Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Great post. I think something a lot of guys overlook is the necessity of filling your life with activities. Be busy and have interesting things going on in your life. It will improve your mindset, keep you from thinking negatively, and make you more attractive to both women as potential mates and guys as potential friends. Having things to do, or knowing where to go to do things will bring guys one step closer to that coveted "alpha male" status. People will look up to you if you can be a leader and lead people to a good time. I also loved the advice "Go Alone" Too many people don't realize that they can have a great time on their own, and if you wait around for other people, you only limit yourself in the things you can. "Avoid Home" is also great advice. I have a friend who is a severe homebody, even in high school and college it was hard to get him out. He got married to his high school sweetheart, and they never went out. She wanted to go out and would complain to me often that they never do anything. Eventually, she got bored and began to cheat on him and left him. Now he is trying to find someone new, but he is still doesn't want to leave his house. I keep telling him there are no girls at his house and he has to go outside. Plus, even if he meets a girl on the internet, they want to have fun, not sit in the house watching tv for the rest of their lives. Go outside guys! There is a whole world going on out there that you're missing out on! And don't go to the same places all the time, either! "Avoid Home" doesn't just mean leave your house, it means leave your comfort zone. Go places you've never been and do things you've never done. |
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| Author: | puaninja [ Wed Oct 03, 2012 12:22 pm ] |
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Good post. Simply going to meetup .com and learning to use that site can be a great way to meet people and enrich your life. Imagine this, there are people just like you who want to do the same things you enjoy doing but can't find anyone to do it with. Imagine that. If only there was some sort of website to unite those people... And this↓ “Eighty per cent of success is simply showing up.” I think it's more like 90%. Do you want to know why? Because 90% of people don't even bother to show up! Just by being there you have done more than most people do. |
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| Author: | secretaznman [ Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Yes and Yes. Some people get really scared about going places alone because of their precious little ego and they worry that people will think they are losers. Believe it or not, a lot of people dont really give a shit and instead of focusing on how people perceive you in public, think about how your about to embark on this adventure where literally ANYTHING can happen. Go for it fellas and don't be scared. |
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| Author: | 7000 [ Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:14 pm ] |
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I think getting out there alone also helps you stop overthinking and get out of your head. When do you think most about stuff that messes you up? For me, it's usually on those evenings where I'm in all night bored. If I'm out playing footy or with friends, or at my new language course or with a girl, whatever, then I'm in the moment and enjoying it, not thinking about shit. |
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| Author: | Reality Show [ Sun Oct 07, 2012 8:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | More |
Adding to that strategy: Join a big meetup group and make friends with the leadership Suggest an activity and have them make you an assistant organizer Now you can reap the benefits of being a leader and host. Women will come to you. You can also prep a place to bounce to afterwards for drinks. I was also always building connections with the coolest dudes and the dudes most likely to be loyal (the lonely AFC dudes). Goal was to plan a party and delegate people to bring shit or make their place available. Once you have your posse figured out, then you can start inviting your favorite girls. Eventually you can create a meetup post for a limited number of people to attend. Make it a scarcity thing. People will be on the waiting list trying to get RSVP etc. Planning a good party is a whole other subject, but a great conversational topic you can talk to your people about. My final stage was to cultivate creative and confident people to attend the open mic nights with me and get them to perform something. If you can get people to do something like that for the first time, then those are good people. I got tired of hanging out with the standard engineers and nurses all the time. Almost every single meetup I went to was a waste of time. Except dancing, comedy, improv, shows with VIP backstage passes, open mic nights. Something with juice. The rest wasn't very productive. |
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| Author: | _Ghost_ [ Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:01 pm ] |
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Great post OP. |
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| Author: | martincrowe7778 [ Thu Oct 18, 2012 7:21 am ] |
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It is great post and very interesting. |
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| Author: | Shadowboxer [ Thu Oct 18, 2012 10:28 pm ] |
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Yeah and planning ahead works too. Me, my dad and my best friend are thinking of skydiving on my 18th birthday and I'm gonna put on a really awesome tattoo while I'm at it. It's gonna be real fucking awesome. |
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| Author: | Fluffs [ Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:43 am ] |
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Awesome post, I can really see myself using this some time soon. |
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| Author: | thesadguy [ Sat Dec 15, 2012 9:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: How to get a life! |
Thank you for all this info!! I need it!! My first step tommorow is to go to church!! Thank you soo much |
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