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I always come off as too cocky and arrogant? Need some advic
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Author:  the.bear.jew [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:01 am ]
Post subject:  I always come off as too cocky and arrogant? Need some advic
So basically my problem is, I come off as arrogant and disrespectful when I seriously have no intentions of hurting anyone's feelings. It has happend with several girls and I am not quite sure how to fix it. Advice appreciated.

Best,
Bear
Author:  new2game [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Are you mis using 'negs'?

You should be putting off an open, friendly vibe. Does this sound like you?
Author:  SkyGroove [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:17 am ]
Post subject: 
tell her you're just messin with her, don't take it too seriously, gotta be congruent you know
Author:  silverito [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
how could we help you if you did not tell us ANYTHING about your aproach :)
Author:  poeticlyskuac [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
how could we help you if you did not tell us ANYTHING about your aproach :)
PERFECT reply!

-More smiles, less smirks(half smiles, Ekman calls it the face of contempt).
-Open body language.
-Try complimenting rather then putting people down.
-Talk to people as if everyone is as good as you, rather then you are better then them.
-Try out listening rather than talking, I'd bet you are waiting for you chance to talk rather than listening.
-Stop talking about yourself unless your joking.
-More laughing.

Don't know which of these you already use, but I'd bet you are figuratively "looking down your nose" at them, as well as showing contempt with half smiles. Contempt is huge because it is the attitude we give our parents, co-workers, friends, when we feel better then them. I'd bet your smile needs to become a lot more symmetrical.
Author:  Tease [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
-More smiles, less smirks(half smiles, Ekman calls it the face of contempt).
While I totally agree with almost everything you said, I see no problem with smirks. It really depends on the person, smiles for me look and feel a bit fake unless someone (or myself) actually told a joke or a funny story. That being said, smirks done wrong can be taken for smugness or even just make you look creepy. In my case, my smirks are playful and friendly (most of the time at least), but most importantly they actually look natural. If your smirks make you look like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men while carrying a captive bold pistol then of course smile away, but if you look friendly and playful they make you look sort of interesting (according to a few female friends).
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