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How to not run out of things to say!
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Author:  ramlives [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:  How to not run out of things to say!
First I want to dispell a myth that has held many of us back.
It is that you should not ask questions

IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO ASK QUESTIONS! LOTS OF THEM! GET GOOD AT ASKING QUESTIONS BE CURIOUS!

The problem is when you just say something like "aw cool" and then ask another question with out adding anything to the conversation.

You want to add a statement about the subject to show you know a little about it, have the same experience or you at least know someone else who knows.

A real conversation looks kinda like this.

(question, statement, statement, question, statement, question, question...)

There is no set patern you just flow and respond to the information you are given with your own experiences, likes and dislikes.

Just try not to be negitive and talk about things like politics, death, problems (the topic of the problem, instead find a commonality that you understand and change the subject) no religion or constantly about yourself and how great you are, also never be judgemental about anyones choice of career or way of life, that is a guaranteed way not to make friends and get yourself blown right out.


Try to make things 50/50 and try to understand who they are and what they are about.

E.g.

(Bad)

You - are you having a good night
Her - No! (as she rolls her eyes)
You - aw ok, um so where you from

(Good)

You - are you having a good night
Her - No
You - let me guess are you pure wrecked from work or something

(she doesn't even have to answer just continue straight away)

it sucks being out when you're not in the mood, all you wana do is go home and go to bed.

(now, you can ask another question if you wish)

why you not having a good time? do you not like in here and wanted to go somewhere else or something?

(at this point if she didn't respond then fuck it, she boring move on, at least you tried, just tell her hope her night improves and say your goodbyes)

(and I would say all this in a "awe I know how you feel lol its so annoying" way if you get me, not in a misery way)

But you can see from this example how much further you could have went with that even it is a pretty negitive example but I wanted to show you there is ways to go forward with someone who is unresponsive at first.

What have we done here? well we have shown a few good traits, we have tried to give her a way out, found a possible commonality that you understand where she is coming from being pissed off and not acted like the average guy, which is to either call her a stuck up bitch or march off in a huff with your tail between your legs.

My next post will be on subjects to talk about and how to talk about them


EXERCISE TIME!

everytime you talk to some one practice

Listen to them

Respond be concious of what they say, think and respond are yoou curious about what they have said or do you have a statement that has come to mind
Author:  Kads [ Fri Dec 31, 2010 5:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
a mindset I go in with is to talk about everything and anything (minus all the death topics like you said)

that way, you can just keep talking

conversation isn't hard at all - just be genuine with yourself. talk about where you are in your life. Anyone can talk about that for hours if theyve really got something going for them in life
Author:  ramlives [ Sat Jan 08, 2011 9:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok this is as basic as I can make it just to sum it up, so use your intelligence with this, be flexible and think! if you start being an asshole or a boring loser thats not my fault thats due to lack of personality, this is just the bare basic technique, and don't just agree with someone have you own opinions, by all means have friendly debates on things you disagree with find out why the like or dislike something and explain your side of things

Step 1
Ask a question or make a statement

Step 2
Listen to their response

Step 3
Reply in terms of finding comminalities with them to build trust and rapport (you can also ask more questions here but don't just ask question after question after question add something to the conversation!!!!)

What are comminalities?
Comminalities are...
similar experiences, feelings, states of mind, ideas, wants, likes and dislikes.
It is also people you know or both know and about them.

A good tip is to talk for around 10 seconds (it can be less or a little more) and then let them respond, that way you're not talking long winded stories and not letting them get a word in edgeways.

And remember to try to multi thread, weave other subjects that come to mind relating to the subject talked about in and out if the situation suits
Author:  Wal [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Step 2
Listen to their response
Nice. In my experience this is BY FAR the most important thing to do when having a conversation with ANYONE. Not just that HB at the bar, but your friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers.

If you're lost in your head trying to think of something to say you won't have a significant conversation with anybody.

People notice this, too. I'm sure everyone has had a conversation with someone who seems to be trying a little too hard to come up with something else to say and not LISTENING to what is being said. It is awkward.

Being present, in the moment, with good eye contact = I'm listening. This also makes it easier to eject if you're not having a good conversation. You don't feel the need to connect with someone who isn't giving you the time and space (a.k.a. respect) to actually listen to you.
Author:  ramlives [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:03 am ]
Post subject: 
on the listening point

when you listen you're listening out for portal words and phrases


i.e. I like to drink alot when I'm out and I always regret it when I go to work (highlighted are the portals)

then pick a portal and think what do I know about this (you can also address the other portals while multi threading

but say I choose her i like to drink alot phrase, I can ask a question "why what would you consider alot?" and then tease off that, or you can make a statement "omg I drink way too much aswell, I get to a stage of the night when theres like an hour left and then I start buying doubles..........blah blah blah!"

I have just crashed my lightbike because of how awesome this technique is!
Author:  poeticlyskuac [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Great tips! I simplify your portal with Noun. Someone else started a thread with this and I still think it is the best tip of all for continuous conversation.

Literally just listen to the noun with the most emotion and you will get a conversation started with tons to listen to them talk about.

Noun- Person, Place or Thing.

I went with Mary to the mall for shoes.

(Person-I)
Oh did You have fun?
Where did You go with her?


(Person-Mary)
How is Mary doing?
What has been Mary been up to?

(Place- Mall)
What did you do at the mall, besides buy shoes?
Do they still have bla bla bla at the Mall?

(Thing-Shoes)
Sweet, what kind of shoes?
Where did you buy those shoes from?
Why did you buy those shoes?

Just listen for the Noun and inquire further. For best results listen for the noun with most emotion involved (tone and body language). Sweet and simple.
Author:  Chelios [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Good post, I'll be following this.


Listening is everything, it gives you an impression of someone and an understanding. It gives you something to also talk about when you listen to what the person is saying.

If you can listen to someone, and make a good conversation or a worthy response from what they are saying, you will gain a powerful tool.
Author:  ramlives [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 5:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
this does take practice, even to this day I find myself struggling when I get some fucking dick who hasn't got anything to say male or female

but at least this is something you can practice with anyone

and if you get stuck, stop breath and think for a second "what do I know about this topic"

you can even take you mobile phone out and look at it as if you had a text if you are really stuck and be all "oh hold on a second... thought someone was calling me anyway what were you saying again..."

:DDD
Author:  poeticlyskuac [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
this does take practice, even to this day I find myself struggling when I get some fucking dick who hasn't got anything to say male or female

but at least this is something you can practice with anyone

and if you get stuck, stop breath and think for a second "what do I know about this topic"

you can even take you mobile phone out and look at it as if you had a text if you are really stuck and be all "oh hold on a second... thought someone was calling me anyway what were you saying again..."

:DDD

A good thing to do when the conversation goes flat is to play Name the Game.

What I mean by this is point out something about their body language, more often then not they will explain their body language.

The cell phone route is a bad route. Most people aren't good enough about acting it out to use it as an excuse. Say it like it is, sorry man this conversation is boring maybe I'll talk to you later. Straight walk away.
Author:  Algorythm [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
very interesting ramlives
Author:  Sticksie [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is great advice guys. Lap it up.
Author:  ramlives [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The cell phone route is a bad route. Most people aren't good enough about acting it out to use it as an excuse. Say it like it is, sorry man this conversation is boring maybe I'll talk to you later. Straight walk away.
Sorry but I have to disagree, there isnt much acting in saying "hold on a sec", look at your phone and then say "sorry what were you saying", it's not the most amazing thing to do but if you're fucked for subjects it might give you a second to gather your thoughts and you could have a few subjects drafted as a text, if all fails look at your phone and just say I gotta go I talk to ya later (the option is still there to go back later) allot of top puas use variations of this.

but please don't tell anyone their conversation is boring, the person may just have shit skills so what you are basicly doing is punishing them for investing time in talking/listening to you, which means they probably wont invest any time in you again and you've just burnt your bridges, but maybe that was the plan lol :D
Author:  poeticlyskuac [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
The cell phone route is a bad route. Most people aren't good enough about acting it out to use it as an excuse. Say it like it is, sorry man this conversation is boring maybe I'll talk to you later. Straight walk away.
Sorry but I have to disagree, there isnt much acting in saying "hold on a sec", look at your phone and then say "sorry what were you saying", it's not the most amazing thing to do but if you're fucked for subjects it might give you a second to gather your thoughts and you could have a few subjects drafted as a text, if all fails look at your phone and just say I gotta go I talk to ya later (the option is still there to go back later) allot of top puas use variations of this.

but please don't tell anyone their conversation is boring, the person may just have shit skills so what you are basicly doing is punishing them for them investing (even if it was boring) which means they probably wont invest any time in you again and you've just burnt your bridges, but maybe that was the idea lol :D

Ok, I am very good at keeping a conversation. Very good at starting one. If I do that it isn't mean, it is forward. It takes a lot to make me give up on a conversation. I can keep or get a conversation going with ease. Most of the time I won't walk away I will just give the conversation an abrupt topic change, usually a funny one. So if a conversation goes flat and there is nothing more to say, nothing interesting then I am pretty forward with my thoughts.

If you met me and seen my body language and tone, you would see how non-threatening and how comical it would be. I tend to model a lot my body language after children, they are considered non-threatening and fun.

You'd be surprised how well that will work, if you say things you become different, you make them realize your time is valued. If you aren't doing something valuable with time then you are moving on, you are saying it pretty forward.

I want to say I do forget that a lot of my tactics are meant for comforting body language. I am over telling people what to say, you can say anything, and by changing your body language and tone make it funny.

You can say some things and with the right body language not burn any bridges. You simply need to take the blame off the person, nowhere did you say that the person was boring but inferring the conversation was boring.




A girl will always recognize false body language. You need to realize how often you have been caught looking at your cell phone and they realized it was fake. The problem with look at your cell phone is they know it didn't ring. They will recognize the fake face you make when looking at your cell phone. People will know by looking at your face whether you have read that text before or not, whether your eyes are reading it or not. You grab your cell phone as a time filler, we have all done it. Looking at your cell phone is not strong body language it is a sign of insecurity.

As a side bar you can keep funny texts in your phone or pictures and say oh check this out a friend sent this to me earlier to help when a conversation goes a little flat.
Author:  ramlives [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
As a side bar you can keep funny texts in your phone or pictures and say oh check this out a friend sent this to me earlier to help when a conversation goes a little flat.
I like this idea :D
Author:  dude with stick [ Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Here's what I would reply to the first post:

You: Are you having a good night?
Her: No!
You: Me neither, I thought you looked miserable, so I came over here so we can be miserable together.
Her: (whatever she responds)
You: So what's bothering you tonight?

... And you play off that. I find to asking her questions about how she feels really stirs up the conversation and makes room for teases.

This will catch her off guard because everyone else will ignore that she is not happy. You addressing the problem will make her feel connected with you.



If she gets mad, then apologize, even if you don't know what you are apologizing for. Make her feel guilty for blowing off a good guy like you.

Her: I'm not interested in talking
You: Well, then I apologize for whatever I did that offended you. I just came over here because I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi/You looked unhappy and I just wanted to cheer you up.
You: would you let me know what I did wrong so I don't do it again?

Conversation is restarted by you asking about her opinion.
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