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Approach Anxiety
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Author:  simpson1 [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 2:47 am ]
Post subject:  Approach Anxiety
Hi,

I know that in asking about AA I am raising a topic that has been discussed many times before. However, I am just after coming home from a nightclub where I couldn't bring myself to approach a woman. My main problem is that although I know all the techniques for mindsets and openers, when I go into the nightclub the same thing happens everytime. Which is:

- I begin to think that the openers will not work and that the women will not be interested, instead thinking about how foolish my approach was
- I think negatively and forget everything such as confidence and effective body language

Any advice given will be greatly appreciated. Just to recap my main problem is that I fail to control my thoughts when in a social scene.

Thanks in advance
Author:  Molson [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Alright, two things.

1) Warm up.
When you're going to a club or bar, there are bartenders, which are often hotties. Warm up with them. Seriously, if you can't approach a bartender, I can't help you out. ASK THEM HOW THEIR NIGHTS GOING! Then ask for a drink, and leave. Just beacuse you talk to someone, doesn't mean you have to start to entertain them. Get in and get out!

A better warmup of course would last longer, but if the club is busy/loud, your options are limited. Talk to guys... ask them how shits going. They're fucking guys, they appreciate the attention just as much. If you're on the way to the club, pop in a store or something (if this is possible), talk to the clerk, the store owner, whatever the fuck.. just talk to someone, get rid of those jitters.

2) Clear your mind
The ONLy.... ONLYYYYYY time you are thinking about what to say is while you are APPROACHING. Not while you are standing 100 feet away. See a set, START WALKING. Didn't think of anything to say in that 3-5 seconds? Then fall back to a simply HI! Hows your night going!? She didn't respond well? Then who cares.. You've further warmed up. AA is something where the more you think about it, the worse it becomes. It is THE HARDEST part of all of this. It is such a strange feeling... Try turning it into excitement instead of nervousness.


You cannot out-think AA. You cannot convince yourself you are not nervous.

I seriously recommend a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. You will learn how to clear your mind and put yourself into a zen like mind set. I swear on my life you will be able to do fucking anything in this state.
Author:  simpson1 [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 2:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Molson,

Thanks for you're reply. Both points you've made make a lot of sense. I am determined to get my mind sorted so that I can achieve the results I want.

Im disappointed that I'm back dealing with AA. I started reading up about PUA stuff in summer 2008 and began to use it and was getting great results and was amazed at how easy it was. Its just that in the last few months I've gone backwards and now find myself back at square 1 again.
Author:  Kaj15 [ Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
In my opinion the best way of overcoming your AA is buidling inner and subconcious desire to succeed in PU. I suggest you read David DeAngelo's recommendation: "Think and Grow Rich", the chapter on mastermind. If you build enough desire, it will overcome your AA destroy it. That's the way I got rid of mine, and I suppose that's how some of the best PUAs like Adam Lyons started
Author:  Tigazero [ Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't forget about state. Getting yourself amped and in a mood that feels good can also soften AA. If you are naturally happy that can be infectious and your good mood may lead others into a good mood which in turn may generate attraction. Be genuinely excited to be where you are. Then you will become the center of attention and the source of pleasure. Who can deny the source. Be intent on spreading your good feelings to others.
Author:  Tigazero [ Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:41 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't forget about state. Getting yourself amped and in a mood that feels good can also soften AA. If you are naturally happy that can be infectious and your good mood may lead others into a good mood which in turn may generate attraction. Be genuinely excited to be where you are. Then you will become the center of attention and the source of pleasure. Who can deny the source. Be intent on spreading your good feelings to others.
Author:  Kynics [ Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:58 am ]
Post subject: 
hey dude, try this tactic which i personally use, works well for me. I am not a guru that is, but no harm sharing what works for me :)

These 2 methods which i use buffed me up whenever i approach

1. Give yourself a good reason to fall on, the reason why we do have AA is because we do not have a reason to support your actions. Therefore whenever i do approaches, i set myself in the mindset that i am out to make friends, meet new people and not to f-close or trying something funny..

However, by giving a reason as above, you will tends to fall back to your comfort zone with this: why must i meet new people? i have alot of friends around me.. etc.. blah blah and you will start to hold back your reasons.. so here comes part II

2. This is from Anthony Robbins, whatever you fall into a not doing mindset, push yourself by telling yourself, "If I can't do it, then I MUST!" This line works great for me and always motivates me to get started whenever i become a lazy bum.

^^ Just sharing 2c.. hope it will help you greatly! Cheers!! :)
Author:  cambria [ Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

1. Give yourself a good reason to fall on, the reason why we do have AA is because we do not have a reason to support your actions. Therefore whenever i do approaches, i set myself in the mindset that i am out to make friends, meet new people and not to f-close or trying something funny..
This is brilliant, I do the same thing! I go out thinking that I am just going to meet people, and the pick up is just an optional thing, not the main reason Im going out! This way I can get into the interaction easier and watch for IOIs and seeing how the conversation is going, I can then consciously decide whether to go for the pick up!

This changes your perception of what you are doing! :P

Good shit man! :)

Cambria
Author:  mR.e [ Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:41 am ]
Post subject:  hm
here is my personal perspective:
not approaching, is losing a chance that can be amazing. i have had girls that hav told me after opeing them and talkin to them "wow, you coming and talking to me has made my week! just imagine if you didnt?!"
that right there is enough to keep me from being afraid of opening. what is the worst that can happen? not to much really, you might seem awkward if you dont have the best thing to say but most girls will be happy to meet guys, even HB10s. seriously

mR.e
Author:  mikey4u [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 8:27 pm ]
Post subject:  AA
Finally got over my AA. For me could not do it going to bars. I did a speed date in my area ( I know cheezy). Meet about 60 women and did not get a bad vibe or rejected (wow). Didnt care much for the women there. As the event ended my buddy called me to meet up at a bar close by and I did open about 8 sets which I hadn`t done in a long long time. That is what helped me but everyone is different. Resolved one step but more stuff to work on. Just get the ball rolling and good luck.


Life is art. A work in constant progress.
Author:  SoZoS [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
For me I just pretty much do what has been said, just start off slow talking to randoms, guys, girls, young, old, doesn't matter It'll all help, jump into some warm up sets, don't worry about the outcome.

Also sometimes I like to go onto the dance floor and bring up the energy that way, esp. good if you can get into a set of girls dancing etc just have fun and after afew hours or less you'll beable to approach anyone :)

-SoZoS
Author:  marloice [ Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:27 am ]
Post subject:  I know were ur coming from
in school
i was a complete social outcast
and had huge approach anxiety
once i discovered the community
i knew wat had to be done
but i still couldnt approach
so
i made myself do the following
every stranger i saw
i would say hello to
and
i would talk to old people and shop assistants for as long as possible
finally
to completely get over my fear of embarassment
i went to a womens clothing store and tried on clothes
extreme yes but i was an extreme case
and it worked for me
not saying u hav to try it
just think wat will work for u
Author:  Haash [ Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Does good PUA have AA and if Yes then why even after sleeping with soo many women. And if No then how did they over come.
Author:  Ace@PUATeam [ Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Haash, mate I think everybody has at least little AA, but this is what makes this Game so exciting! :) It's normal to be scared - you're a human being! :) In my opinion the one and only method for lowering your AA is practice, doing, taking action instead of reading tons of books at home! Yes, at the beginning you'll be rejected lots of times, but it doesn't matter. You should take each rejection as one step closer to the success.
Good luck my friend! :)
Author:  ktown ace [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
The best way to get over approach anxiety is to go out and do it. When I first got into the game I would go out with a wing and jus approach any set, who cares if you get burned. You'll never get over it until you've done it several times.

Hope that helps you man. It pretty much just sums up what everyone else has said lol.
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