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In Depth Tip For Beginners https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=135&t=51687	Page 1 of 2

Author:	Knuckle Bomb [ Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:02 am ]
Post subject:	In Depth Tip For Beginners
"Be alpha when interacting with women. Have the mindset. Be in the zone. Remain indifferent. She will pick up that you are a confident man. Calibrate." Great advice. This is discussed on here a LOT, but if you're relatively new to approaching women you may have considered out of your league for a long time, this can be an extremely confusing and difficult piece of advice to apply personally. So it is generally said to just go out there, approach and do this a million times. You will get it. Eventually. And that's true, you will figure it out, eventually. What I would like to do here is attempt to explain what they're talking about in a way that perhaps some of you will comprehend just a little bit easier. When I was just starting out, I read all this same advice, thought maybe I sorta got what they meant? I read a few e-books, attempted a few different methods from different sources, etc. I was terrified at the idea of talking to an unknown beautiful girl... so much so that I became desperate to want to put an end to it and started taking chances, not really knowing what I was doing or what might happen. So at work one day I was pushing a cart around, and standing in my way with her back turned to me was a girl I worked with for a long time, but had never really spoken a word to, and was basically invisible to. She was about an 8 but she was also one of those overly-talkative cheerleader-type girls with the frame of a 10. (WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) She was standing in my way, blabbing on to someone else, completely ignorant or indifferent to the fact that she was holding me up, and without thinking I just blurted out loudly "Get the fuck out of my way." Time kind of froze and in that instant I realized what I had just done, put some half-sly smile on my face in hopes that maybe she wouldn't eat my balls, and prayed for a good outcome. To my surprise she snapped around, got out of my way as if I were royalty, and apologised profusely in the most submissive manner, holding an eye contact that communicated a surprising newfound interest in me. Ever since I did that she talked to me and flirted with me every time I came around. Talk about being completely put at ease but also proud of myself, even though I had almost no idea what I had done or why it worked. I experimented constantly after that. I tried everything ranging from cocky, to egomaniacal, to just being a downright asshole. I got mixed results. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and ultimately it just made me even more frustrated because I just couldn't get why my results would always be so varied. There was some understanding that was escaping me, I was just trying different things blindly, and wanted to get it so that I could knowingly do the right thing all the time. I need to mention also that this usually, when successful, ended awkwardly because I didn't know what to do next, so these were minimal successes. So to understand what was happening... here is what was going on. I was approaching girls I didn't know, saying things to them that they were not expecting to come from me, a relative stranger, and in doing so I was suddenly catching their interest. That much I knew. But why? It's not that they're turned on by being insulted, or impressed by ego-maniacs who walk around expecting everyone to do as they say because they are god's greatest gift. I learned that by trying those approaches. What I was actually doing was giving them a glimpse of someone who walks up to beautiful girls and talks to them in a fun way, as if they were already a good friend or a girlfriend, and by doing that there never was any hint of awkwardness between him and her, because the way he's acting isn't awkward, it's fun and it's comforting. Because I failed at the time to understand that this is what was happening when I did or said those things, that glimpse would simply cease to be after my initial success. So knowing this, how do I do this consistently? The biggest problem most guys will face is being consistently fun throughout the interaction. The solution is sooo amazing simple and it is all over this forum, yet at the same time is just not grasped/applied accurately. The solution to being consistent is by being indifferent. Mind-blowing, I know. Now let me clarify exactly what I mean when I say that. What I do NOT mean by that is this attitude - "I'm the shit, if she leaves or is a bitch oh well she's a bitch I don't care." I am not going to say that mentality never works, because it occasionally does, but there is another indifference that is much less cynical and you will find is much closer to what you want. I am talking about the social indifference that you share when you are alone with your close friends. Now I am going to explain why it is so empowering to you if you have this in the company of strangers... and you better believe me when i say that ALL successful natural guys have this instinctively where ever they are - whether they realize it consciously or not. This is what makes a natural. I don't know about you, but I'm assuming this is also true about you - when you're sitting down spending time bullshitting with your close guy friend, there is never a time during the interaction when you are afraid that something you say will make you look stupid, or make you lose respect in that person's eyes. Likewise there is never a point where your mind is consciously judging how well the interaction is going between you and your friend. You don't have to worry about losing your friend because things got weird. Who the hell thinks like that? You do. As soon as you get around a girl. If you acted that way around your friend, too, guess what? That shit would become awkward... real quick. In other words, this indifference that everyone talks about isn't a method, or a trick, it is a necessity... because anything else is unnatural. I really hope that I have explained it in a way that gives you an "I see...." and at the same time a "Duh. Why didn't I think of that sooner?" The reason we don't get it sooner is because we are so worried about 9 million other complex things when it comes dealing with attractive women, often times we completely lose ourselves, and negative emotions come into play at that point that play hell with who we are and leave us feeling helpless in the end. If you have been paying attention and really analyzing what I am referring to in this very long post, you'll begin to realize that the problems you have YOU have created yourself, they were not there to begin with. Be consistent in how you deal with others. If you were interacting with women the same way you interact with your friends and girlfriends, these women will think of themselves as your good friends or girlfriends... and I guarantee that if they are having the same amount of fun with you, it will be the second much more often than the first. This is exactly what women and naturals are referring to when they say "Just be yourself." They just don't have time to write this article explaining it. I know this will help a few of you. It's what I learned the hard way, and it works for me. Thank you for reading!

Author:	Dangerboy [ Wed Sep 09, 2009 10:02 am ]
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Great post man.

Author:	Don_k [ Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:07 pm ]
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Nice post man

Author:	tret [ Sun Sep 20, 2009 4:21 am ]
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good post. Like most larger posts in this section, this too is informative and inspiring.

Author:	Exerio [ Sun Sep 20, 2009 5:43 pm ]
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There is always much more then a single piece of the cake, but I like the effort you did by going through one of the major concepts in general interactions. If just most people could master this it would be a lot more fun to meet strangers:) - Exerio

Author:	The_Mighty_Gonzo [ Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:04 am ]
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Excellent post man.

Author:	wildchild [ Fri Sep 25, 2009 8:39 pm ]
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I see where your coming from, but in many ways I have to disagree. My friends are my friends because of the experiences shared previously. Even in the case of my closest friends (both male and female) my first encounters were usually at least something of an awkward dance. Time, circumstance and shared experience bridge that gap - and I for one am incapable of just skipping this process & going straight to complete familiarity. It also ignores the fact that human nature is that certain people bring out different sides of my personality. The jokes I use around one friend will be different to those used around another - My relationships with others are unique (hence their inherent value) The 'awkward dance' I referred to above is where both parties calibrate themselves to the other - Do I act like loudmouth, hyper comedy-Mike around a new person or do I present my more quiet, reflective side? Both are 'Me', but at first I'm trying to find which, if any, will connect. I've been trying to decide, as a newbie, on what exactly I think PUA is and what do I want from it. Writing this post has allowed me to articulate something of a mission statement: I can't skip the 'awkward dance' - but I can learn to make it a lot, lot more fun. (On a complete unrelated note, cause I just noticed it, what the fuck is the smiley supposed to express? 'I'm having a seizure'!?)

Author:	Grape [ Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:40 pm ]
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Nice post over all. I agree with not being an asshole, being the guy who treats everyone as a friend, etc. Also, very nice with mentioning not to care about what others think and being indifferent. But this is very very very broad. How do we become indifferent? How do we uphold our emotions to really not care? Well.... we can't really help being offended. but we CAN change focus so we think POSITIVE. A way to focus on positive thoughts is through a motivation for HAPPINESS. If you are focused on being happy instead of 'scoring chicks', you will honestly not even think about rejection and anything that YOU THINK IS FUN will be fun. Also, many naturals DO care about how others see them. Otherwise they would be complete antisocial, non-adapting freaks. Instead, they are witty with the way they COPE. When someone is mean to them or hurts their feelings, they of course are offended. But instead of being insulted by his words, he's rather insulted because the person wasn't giving him the attention and respect he wanted. So he understands it like this "That person's just a complete jerk. No one likes him. I know this for a fact because he insults people. Insulting is very immature and simply not cool." I used to think Indifference was key too. Until I realized "wait.. there's a few flaws in here.. what's the real answer to my success?" and I found Happiness to be the best answer =]] <33 Grape

Author:	Knuckle Bomb [ Sat Sep 26, 2009 4:26 am ]
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I definitely get what you're saying when you talk about indifference being negative... though I think maybe that interpretation was just a tad too literal. What I referred to as indifference above is not the same as exuding apathy overall. I should have gone a little more in detail on that. What I am talking about here is possessing an indifference to the thousands of tiny worries we can all cook up in our minds as soon as we're interacting with a beautiful woman. And as also stated about this earlier by another, anxiety isn't something most people can simply turn off and it magically disappears. The only way to address that issue is by taking pride in yourself and your unique abilities... to believe that you are truly an individual unlike any other, and as such you are at the very least equally valuable as any other member of society. Without realizing that you are interesting and that you have interest in (insert ANYTHING here) and also that you are uniquely talented when it comes to (insert ANYTHING here), a person will always be mentally afflicted with "Am I good enough?" "Will they like me?" and 900 other doubts that we have when we fail to see the value in ourself... and if you are not aware that you are worthy of respect and admiration, or (even worse) believe that you aren't, it is with absolute certainty that I tell you that others will see you exactly that way. If it's at your core, you can't hide it, you can't fake it, and your body will subconsciously communicate it to everyone you interact with. On the other hand... if you have finally realized that without a doubt in your mind you are an individual who is : intelligent, humorous, creative, determined, interesting, respectable, talented, inspiring, attractive, mysterious, bold, passionate, compassionate, or just downright believe in ANYTHING about yourself (and I know that every single person who just read that list has at least one of those qualities, so I am calling you out and robbing you of your innate ability to ever doubt yourself again) then guess what? Your body is going to communicate your belief in yourself as a person of value to everyone you interact with. You worry less of what others might be thinking of you on a level that doesn't even matter. You may not be superman, and you may from time to time encounter a negative comment stemming from someone that perhaps you attributed just a little too much unwarranted value to, and you may feel hurt, but when in that situation you react accordingly as a person of value and either: A)find a way to take it as a compliment, regardless of your being certain it wasn't intended as one, or B)smile to yourself because your familiarity and understanding of how society works just told you that you encountered someone who became insecure of themselves due to the confident energy you are putting off, and had to resort to being negative because THEY were intimidated by YOU. And I promise you... that's not just some phoney feel-good positve way of looking at bad situations mumbo jumbo, that is exactly what has occurred, because it is how humans naturally function... when we are feeling somehow threatened or intimidated, we resort to our last natural line of defense - ugliness... or violence. Both are characteristics and strong indications of insecurity. Thank you for all the comments. I hope this, too, offers some degree of explanation and understanding.

Author:	~Finesse [ Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:34 am ]
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Good post. Good responses too. knuckle Bomb's view of this is similar to mine. But initially, it is quite hard to do the 'indifferent' thing too well, but I find this is because you are expecting an outcome. You are waiting for a sign that your 'indifference' is paying off. This is a bad thing, because it stops you from reacting naturally etc. I think thats a common problem newbies [as myself] have or will have. Like when looking out for IOI's i think thats the whole problem, you are too focused looking out for signs and confirmation that what you are doing has worked, that you arent giving yourself the freedom to just be. Im not sure how that comes across to people on the outside, but on the inside [especially if you are the type to think too much] it can become a major problem, and Im guessing majorly affect your game/the way you are. ~Blend

Author:	Knuckle Bomb [ Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:01 pm ]
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Liquid you are absolutely right... that being said, when I was first starting out I looked for evidence that people were reacting differently to the way I was carrying myself, and the evidence was there, and in seeing it that only solidified my ability to feel confident even more. In fact, I still do that from time to time, just to get that feeling of "Yeah... she wants me." lol. So while I agree with you 100%, it CAN be a useful tool for building yourself as well.

Author:	~Finesse [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 12:38 am ]
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This is also very true,. I feel it is most likely important, if not its will most likely hsppen anyway, when youm are begginer. I cant even remember what was said or whatr the thread was abour now, I have also provavly typed this so incredibly shit. p.s: is drunk ~Blend

Author:	Calliber [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 4:13 am ]
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This is really profound man, thanks.

Author:	Sharplin [ Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:01 am ]
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Great post. You put into words the solution to a problem that has been hanging just beyond reach for so long now. Thanks for the enlightenment.

Author:	jonge [ Sat Oct 10, 2009 9:58 pm ]
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good post

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