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Need help with damage reduction, hb10
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Author:  lincoln86 [ Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Need help with damage reduction, hb10
Hey guys, new to the forum and could use a little advice from you master gamers. Im 22 years old and have pretty solid inner game, though I do have my afc moments, still learning. Here's my situation.

Anyway, I met an HB10 at the beach 3 weeks back. She was alone reading so I invited her to sit with me and my friends, from there I got her number and set up a second date. Had sex after the 3rd date. Since then we really hit it off. We've been on 5 or 6 dates and she calls or texts me pretty much everyday. I think we could both sense it getting serious.

Then saturday happened. Some of my friends called and wanted to play basketball at my house ( i have a half court bball court ) while she was at a friend's birthday gathering. I told her to come by after for a glass of wine and to hangout. She came over earlier then expected (mostly because her birthday friend was a no show so she left early) so we were still in the heat of a game. She sat and watched our game and seemed to be a little annoyed but no signs of discontent were glaringly apparent. Afterward we only talked for 15 minutes til she had to get home due to work in the morning, though all seemed good. We didnt talk much sunday til I called her on my break at work to see how her day went. We talked for a little then she brought up saturday night. She said she had fealt uncomfortable watching me play. I play very hard, cause i love the game, but it could have been interpretted as show offy or ball hoggy. She even heard some of my friends talking shit on me from the sidelines, which is normal with 10 competitive guys going at it, but could have been viewed different in her eyes.

Thats when she said, "I don't know, I think my feelings for you have changed" after watching me that night. I asked her if she was serious, and probably sounded a little shocked, cause I was. I simply wrote it off and said that were guys and we go at it and talk shit on eachother. She seemed to be passed it until she brought it up in our conversation again saying she "didnt know how she fealt" about me. At that point I started to get a little short with her and said I had to get back to work, leaving the conversation hanging a bit, though she knew I had a short break. I called her a few hours later with no answer and didnt leave a message.

She texted me back this morning apologizing for missing my call, and I dont know how to assess it. Should I call/text her back, or freeze her out til she's freaking out wondering whats wrong. I would like to know if there's anyway to to get passed the situation without it getting weird. What kind of damage control advice can you guys give me to keep her attracted. Any input is appreciated! Thanks.
Author:  mrjericho [ Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
"Look, I've got friends and a life. You can either accept me as who I am and be my #1 girl... or you can go your way and I'll go mine. But please don't try to change me."
Author:  MadTown Mayhem [ Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thats when she said, "I don't know, I think my feelings for you have changed" after watching me that night. I asked her if she was serious, and probably sounded a little shocked, cause I was. I simply wrote it off and said that were guys and we go at it and talk shit on eachother.
If you've started on a relationship and she's that flighty, that sure looks like a red flag to me. Her feelings could have changed because you more or less ignored her and was focusing on the game and/or male friends, who knows? Anyway, the reason isn't important, here is what is: she probably has a history of this. In other words, she probably has a history of controlling relationships with her "feelings." It appears to be working on you.
Quote:
She seemed to be passed it until she brought it up in our conversation again saying she "didnt know how she fealt" about me.
She wasn't passed it at all, in fact she probably can't (or won't) get over it until you change your behavior-that's how she sees it, anyway. It won't matter what you say, this will likely be an issue with her until you give her what she wants.
Quote:
At that point I started to get a little short with her and said I had to get back to work, leaving the conversation hanging a bit, though she knew I had a short break.
Probably a mistake. Getting emotional with a woman isn't going to do you any good, it makes you look weak and needy.

I'd recommend dropping the subject, and telling her that you are doing so. You'll never win her approval on this, even if she actually tells you what is really bothering her. Any attempt at appeasing her and her "feelings" automatically puts you in a weakened position. AFCs always try to win a HB10's approval and it never works. It's the same game with you, just one that started much further down the line compared to the average AFC who meets her in a club.

Another way to look at this is as an extended-date sh*t test, since most tests come much earlier. If this is truly a sh*t test, you aren't acting in a way that would beat it.
Author:  lincoln86 [ Wed Jun 27, 2012 8:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you very much for youre insight! It helped a lot. Here' s alittle update..

Any opinions about what I might be doing wrong and how I should approach it from here would be awesome.

I talked to her on the phone monday and told her that I didn't want to hangout with someone that was going to judge me by the way I play basketball. She immediately retracted and said its not me, shes been really indifferent lately, and that she still wanted to see me. So everything seemed back to normal, we chatted for while and she invited me to the beach the next day with her friends. I met her and her friends down at the beach and I hit it off with all of them. We went for a hike in the tide pools catching crabs and jumping off rocks. Everything seemed normal.

Then on the way back, we were hiking on some rocks and she started flirting with me, and I attempted to kiss her. She immediately turned her cheek and told me she doesnt do that, and we should talk about it alone. I acted liek it was nothing. When we did get alone in the water she told me she doesn't do those things in front of her guy friends (more specifically her guy friends that are stuck in the friend zone and are still crushing on her). I told her that's rediculous and Ill act however I please. She went on to say we arnt even boyfriend and girlfriend so why does it matter.

I interpretted this as she wanted to be my girlfriend, and was sending me signs. So I said "then be my girlfriend." She even agreed we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, she even gets jealous when Im with other women, and I know shes not seeing anyone else.

Right when I said it I could tell she was torn. She went on to reveal that a week before I met her she broke it off with her ex boyfriend who was her "first true love" and that she was not completely over him. THis totally caught me off guard and now that ive had time to think about it I feel a bit used. and pissed.

I acted like it wasnt a big deal but I told her I didnt want to invest my time and energy into something and someone that doesnt know what they want. and that her indifference was really just annoying. She then asked if that meant I wasn't going to hangout with her as much now. I simply ended it with a "we'll see". and we rejoined out group. We chatted with everyone for about a half hour til I had to leave.

I leaned over her towel to say goodbye, and she leaned back and kissed me...in front of all her friends...weird huh? I said "ohh now its alright?" and she said "no." I just proceeded to say goodbye to everyone and kind off ignored it. I know its just a little game.

Anyway Im pretty much over the girl, but I would like to know how to approach the situation after what I said and how I reacted to her. I wouldnt mind keeping her around (sex is awesome, and Id like something in return for being played) but I do find her a very desirable woman with a lot qualities I like. Plus I know she likes me a lot, she said it about 10 times in our conversation.

Would it be effective to freeze her out? It seems logical because I told her I wanted some separation. Just wait for her to call me and when she does, act like nothings wrong?

Or should I tell her I have a problem with being her shoulder to cry on and being played...that I deserve better, and that she should call me when her indifference goes away and she knows what shes doing.

Both seem like they would work, but Im no master. What do you guys think?
Author:  easel [ Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think the problem is she is not that into you. Everyone's attraction to others are fluctuating. She may suddenly lose interest and have the interest again.

I think you need to see her eyes that make you both feel each other's feeling.
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