PUA Forum :: He is losing his swag and no longer NEGS me

Hey all

I have been involved with Robert for almost 14 years. Lately I feel like he is losing his swag and is no longer on point. He also hardly ever NEGS me anymore wished he used to do consistently. Because of all this, he is become less desirable to me. Any suggestions on what I should do?

Date me, I'll neg the shit outta you.

That is not fantastic! That is like a passive aggressive NEG. BOO!

Thank you so much sir for your reply as it had lots of good information in it. The two points that really hit home is the part about him still being attracted to me and his change in vocal tones. I feel like he is losing his inner game and maybe even a part of his spirit.

Again, Thank you!

I get the feeling that when you say 'neg,' you actually mean playful teasing and flirty banter, because I can't imagine a person actually enjoying a nearly two-decade relationship with a partner who continually works her insecurities in an attempt to make her seek validation from him.

If you do, there are probably issues you need to address inside yourself before worrying about your boyfriend.

Your boy,
870

Quote:

When I say "neg" I do not mean playful banter and flirting. I am sorry you can't imagine this but yes I do want to be negged by him. I am not going to say I enjoy it but it feels comfortable and arn't we all just creatures of comfort? I never said this was a healthy relationship! #dontjudge

I appreciate your honesty!

Quote:

Maybe you need to start flirting a little, more sexual touch, grab his ass(or whatever sexual touch your relationship has). I'd say you need things to be more intimate and sexual. What did you use to do that he liked? I still think you should blow him or something sexual, need to get his juices going. Sex is a big part of being happy in a relationship, it's a primal need and if you guys aren't doing it 2-3 times a week this is your first step, he will find you more attractive if he finds yous sexier. More sex=you sexier.

What are the changes in vocal tone? Apathy, anger, sadness, etc. How are you talking to him? We tend to reflect the energy of the person talking to us so if you are frustrated with him and talking to him with a negative tone then he will reflect that energy. It'll be that "well here she goes again" tone.

Thank you again for the quality reply. Robert is incarcerated and has been for the past 5 years so our communication is limited to 15 minute conversations once a week, and letters. I do visit him once a month but I can only give him a hug and kiss good-bye. So after reading what your reply, the verbal tone is what keeps coming up. That is what is bothering me. He usually has a really strong voice and is really aggressive and lately he has just been kind of lethargic when we talk. I just know it is causing me a lot of anxiety ( panic almost) with him not being on point with his game.

Author:	MsNoca [ Sun May 27, 2012 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:	He is losing his swag and no longer NEGS me
Hey all I have been involved with Robert for almost 14 years. Lately I feel like he is losing his swag and is no longer on point. He also hardly ever NEGS me anymore wished he used to do consistently. Because of all this, he is become less desirable to me. Any suggestions on what I should do?

Author:	Teamwerx [ Sun May 27, 2012 10:31 pm ]
Post subject:
Date me, I'll neg the shit outta you.

Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Sun May 27, 2012 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: He is losing his swag and no longer NEGS me
Quote: Hey all I have been involved with Robert for almost 14 years. Lately I feel like he is losing his swag and is no longer on point. He also hardly ever NEGS me anymore wished he used to do consistently. Because of all this, he is become less desirable to me. Any suggestions on what I should do? There are dozens of reasons your relationship can be having issues and while relationships aren't my thing(I recommend going to the relationship section), your analysis of the relationship is very one sided. Is he attracted to you still? (I'm not trying to hurt your self-esteem but you may need to spice things up). Why are things stale? How often are you guys having sex? Do you perform oral sex on him? Is his libido weak right now? Are you flirting with him? Do you guys fight a lot? What kind of faces to you guys makes at each other? Vocal tones towards each other? Without knowing your guys' behavior it's impossible to understand what you guys would need to do to repair things. I will say this much sex, flirting, touching, attraction, and kissing are very important when it comes to maintaining a strong relationship. Here is a 3 day list you can write down to make you appreciate him more. Day 1 Write down all the things you do desire about him(at least 10). Day 2 Write down the things he does that make you happy(at least 10). Day 3 Write down the reasons you are thankful you have him(at least 10). Make sure to read them when you go to sleep and when you wake up so that you realize why you do want to be with them, rather than don't want to be.

Author:	MsNoca [ Mon May 28, 2012 6:02 am ]
Post subject:
Thank you so much sir for your reply as it had lots of good information in it. The two points that really hit home is the part about him still being attracted to me and his change in vocal tones. I feel like he is losing his inner game and maybe even a part of his spirit. Again, Thank you!

Author:	MisterRon [ Mon May 28, 2012 6:24 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Date me, I'll neg the shit outta you. . lol fantastic sir

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Author:	MsNoca [ Mon May 28, 2012 6:39 am ]
Post subject:
That is not fantastic! That is like a passive aggressive NEG. BOO! [/quote]

Author:	MisterRon [ Mon May 28, 2012 6:42 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: That is not fantastic! That is like a passive aggressive NEG. BOO! [/quote] bitches aint shit but hoes n tricks

Author:	MsNoca [ Mon May 28, 2012 8:51 am ]
Post subject:
Better. But not personal enough.

Author:	870 [ Mon May 28, 2012 11:13 am ]
Post subject:
I get the feeling that when you say 'neg,' you actually mean playful teasing and flirty banter, because I can't imagine a person actually enjoying a nearly two-decade relationship with a partner who continually works her insecurities in an attempt to make her seek validation from him. If you do, there are probably issues you need to address inside yourself before worrying about your boyfriend. Your boy, 870

Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Mon May 28, 2012 3:50 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Thank you so much sir for your reply as it had lots of good information in it. The two points that really hit home is the part about him still being attracted to me and his change in vocal tones. I feel like he is losing his inner game and maybe even a part of his spirit. Again, Thank you! Maybe you need to start flirting a little, more sexual touch, grab his ass(or whatever sexual touch your relationship has). I'd say you need things to be more intimate and sexual. What did you use to do that he liked? I still think you should blow him or something sexual, need to get his juices going. Sex is a big part of being happy in a relationship, it's a primal need and if you guys aren't doing it 2-3 times a week this is your first step, he will find you more attractive if he finds yous sexier. More sex=you sexier. What are the changes in vocal tone? Apathy, anger, sadness, etc. How are you talking to him? We tend to reflect the energy of the person talking to us so if you are frustrated with him and talking to him with a negative tone then he will reflect that energy. It'll be that "well here she goes again" tone.

Author:	MsNoca [ Mon May 28, 2012 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I get the feeling that when you say 'neg,' you actually mean playful teasing and flirty banter, because I can't imagine a person actually enjoying a nearly two-decade relationship with a partner who continually works her insecurities in an attempt to make her seek validation from him. If you do, there are probably issues you need to address inside yourself before worrying about your boyfriend. Your boy, 870 When I say "neg" I do not mean playful banter and flirting. I am sorry you can't imagine this but yes I do want to be negged by him. I am not going to say I enjoy it but it feels comfortable and arn't we all just creatures of comfort? I never said this was a healthy relationship! #dontjudge I appreciate your honesty!

Author:	870 [ Mon May 28, 2012 5:59 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: I get the feeling that when you say 'neg,' you actually mean playful teasing and flirty banter, because I can't imagine a person actually enjoying a nearly two-decade relationship with a partner who continually works her insecurities in an attempt to make her seek validation from him. If you do, there are probably issues you need to address inside yourself before worrying about your boyfriend. Your boy, 870 When I say "neg" I do not mean playful banter and flirting. I am sorry you can't imagine this but yes I do want to be negged by him. I am not going to say I enjoy it but it feels comfortable and arn't we all just creatures of comfort? I never said this was a healthy relationship! #dontjudge I appreciate your honesty! In the end, honesty is all we have. If you ever decide you'd like to seek out a healthier relationship or address the misguided internal beliefs that cause you to be comfortable with that kind of behavior, know that there are a wealth of people on this forum who would be glad to help you with both goals. Until then, I'll keep my comments to myself. Good luck! Your boy, 870

Author:	MsNoca [ Mon May 28, 2012 6:46 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Thank you so much sir for your reply as it had lots of good information in it. The two points that really hit home is the part about him still being attracted to me and his change in vocal tones. I feel like he is losing his inner game and maybe even a part of his spirit. Again, Thank you! Maybe you need to start flirting a little, more sexual touch, grab his ass(or whatever sexual touch your relationship has). I'd say you need things to be more intimate and sexual. What did you use to do that he liked? I still think you should blow him or something sexual, need to get his juices going. Sex is a big part of being happy in a relationship, it's a primal need and if you guys aren't doing it 2-3 times a week this is your first step, he will find you more attractive if he finds yous sexier. More sex=you sexier. What are the changes in vocal tone? Apathy, anger, sadness, etc. How are you talking to him? We tend to reflect the energy of the person talking to us so if you are frustrated with him and talking to him with a negative tone then he will reflect that energy. It'll be that "well here she goes again" tone. Thank you again for the quality reply. Robert is incarcerated and has been for the past 5 years so our communication is limited to 15 minute conversations once a week, and letters. I do visit him once a month but I can only give him a hug and kiss good-bye. So after reading what your reply, the verbal tone is what keeps coming up. That is what is bothering me. He usually has a really strong voice and is really aggressive and lately he has just been kind of lethargic when we talk. I just know it is causing me a lot of anxiety ( panic almost) with him not being on point with his game.

Author:	davidlov [ Tue May 29, 2012 5:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: He is losing his swag and no longer NEGS me
Quote: Hey all I have been involved with Robert for almost 14 years. Lately I feel like he is losing his swag and is no longer on point. He also hardly ever NEGS me anymore wished he used to do consistently. Because of all this, he is become less desirable to me. Any suggestions on what I should do? PLEASE READ THIS AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR ANSWER HERE. (ITS A GREAT ARTICLE CALLED "HOW I LOST MY SWAG") http://writermeetsworld.wordpress.com/2 ... 5-reasons/

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Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Wed May 30, 2012 2:31 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Thank you again for the quality reply. Robert is incarcerated and has been for the past 5 years so our communication is limited to 15 minute conversations once a week, and letters. I do visit him once a month but I can only give him a hug and kiss good-bye. So after reading what your reply, the verbal tone is what keeps coming up. That is what is bothering me. He usually has a really strong voice and is really aggressive and lately he has just been kind of lethargic when we talk. I just know it is causing me a lot of anxiety ( panic almost) with him not being on point with his game. Hmmm.... I actually am not sure how to boost his confidence with such a limited amount of time with him. Especially considering how all of his time is spent. I really wish I had a good form of advice but with limited touch, sight, and time it's hard for me to say anything will work. Your best shot is likely strong eye contact and to reach for him so he knows you are there to support him, perhaps give him some laughs and joke to give him some positive energy. If you have kids with him perhaps telling him some stories about the kids to see if you can get that sparkle in his eyes.