PUA Forum :: Extremely complicated situation!

Ok so there's this girl that I slept with a couple times last year, and then she got together with an ex... I also got involved with a girl and we ended up about a year later breaking up with our partners and within a month started sleeping with each other again.

Now we live together with a few friends and although we said nothing should happen, we quite often still end up sleeping together and spend a a lot of time together.

We get on really well and then one day she says we should stop sleeping with each other... I then tell her that I have some feelings for her and she says that she only see's me as a friend! Then a few weeks later, she comes and finds me in a club and we end up in bed together again.

She says she has no feelings for me but then also says that there's an attraction there and we have really good chemistry, and that if we weren't living together we'd be going out! But then she'll also go out and then get with other guys in front of me but then never anything more...

Anyone got any advice on how to make her more comfortable to the idea of us going out even though we live together? Cause I refuse to believe that we can get on so well and keep sleeping with each other and her have no feelings!

Author:	ldn8965 [ Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:39 am ]
Post subject:	Extremely complicated situation!
Ok so there's this girl that I slept with a couple times last year, and then she got together with an ex... I also got involved with a girl and we ended up about a year later breaking up with our partners and within a month started sleeping with each other again. Now we live together with a few friends and although we said nothing should happen, we quite often still end up sleeping together and spend a a lot of time together. We get on really well and then one day she says we should stop sleeping with each other... I then tell her that I have some feelings for her and she says that she only see's me as a friend! Then a few weeks later, she comes and finds me in a club and we end up in bed together again. She says she has no feelings for me but then also says that there's an attraction there and we have really good chemistry, and that if we weren't living together we'd be going out! But then she'll also go out and then get with other guys in front of me but then never anything more... Anyone got any advice on how to make her more comfortable to the idea of us going out even though we live together? Cause I refuse to believe that we can get on so well and keep sleeping with each other and her have no feelings!

Author:	AznPersuasion [ Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:55 pm ]
Post subject:
You live with her. Don't do it. Find another girl(s). I mean, even if you want to ignore my advice about NOT DOING IT. And you SHOULDN'T DATE YOUR HOUSEMATES, by the way. But if you must...hear this. Having other women in your life makes you more attractive on a subconscious level. Surround yourself with women. Even if they're just your friends it's fine. It's even better if you bring one or two of them home and close the door behind you. She'll never know what you did or did not do with them and you don't have to tell.

Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Extremely complicated situation!
Quote: Ok so there's this girl that I slept with a couple times last year, and then she got together with an ex... I also got involved with a girl and we ended up about a year later breaking up with our partners and within a month started sleeping with each other again. Now we live together with a few friends and although we said nothing should happen, we quite often still end up sleeping together and spend a a lot of time together. We get on really well and then one day she says we should stop sleeping with each other... I then tell her that I have some feelings for her and she says that she only see's me as a friend! Then a few weeks later, she comes and finds me in a club and we end up in bed together again. She says she has no feelings for me but then also says that there's an attraction there and we have really good chemistry, and that if we weren't living together we'd be going out! But then she'll also go out and then get with other guys in front of me but then never anything more... Anyone got any advice on how to make her more comfortable to the idea of us going out even though we live together? Cause I refuse to believe that we can get on so well and keep sleeping with each other and her have no feelings! I don't recommend you dating someone you live with unless you are at the point of co-habitation. With all the other girls in this world you should not be going after a girl you live with. You are going to make shit very complicated(even more then now), you seriously either need to move out or stop going for her. If something develops, let it I suppose, but I would push away from it. I had a buddy that slept with his roommate(I told him not to as well), that didn't last long, she moved out. Very few people are mature enough to carry out a feelingless sexual relationship, I do agree with that. Sounds like this girl cut it off because you were gaining feelings, I would have too in her situation. It may have started as friends with benefits then moved to more and she didn't want that. I'd agree with her, it's a huge mistake if shit gets dramatic(something YOU are doing now). She is very respectful, understanding, and mature, she was nice enough to hide hooking up from you when you were gaining strong feelings. She may have feelings as well, likely some as well if she has mentioned attraction and you'd be dating, but consciously she understands how bad an idea this situation is. If you want her to gain more feelings you'll have to find ways to raise the intimacy without it being weird, I don't know how you could work it. Holding hands and cuddling will be a bigger necessity now, staying close, however all of this stuff can come across as needy and clingy. Which is why it can be such a huge mistake to do any of them. I say back off, let it go. If somethings happen to continue and something develops good for you, but I don't think you should try to make this more. It would be a terrible fall out if things go badly.

Author:	Conan2012 [ Thu Jan 12, 2012 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:
I feel for you man, this is a really tough situation to be in. If I can provide any insight, it only comes from being the middle of almost exact situation to your's, and--trust me--it is such bullshit. I'm locked into my lease and am stuck with this girl (who frequently blows up my phone even over break) for another 4 months! My girl played me, this girl is playing you. Just because a person says something like, "oh we would be totally dating if..." really doesn't make it true. Otherwise, why would they be so callous in their playing you? Girls game just like guys, girls are players just like guys. This girl is playing you because this girl is a player. Best advice, cut the emotions out, keep her on the side, and play her too BUT if you can't keep the emotions out of it, just drop her. I tried the first and couldn't keep emotions out of it and she made a fool of me again--not fun. Keep your head on straight, man. I hope you come out ahead on this one.

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