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text game: critique my work pls
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=134&t=80568
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Author:  redman [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:35 am ]
Post subject:  text game: critique my work pls

bros,

here's the lowdown:
her:Red, our quiz tmw is just abt quelle heure est il and a quelle heure right? :)

me: Hi sleepyhead! I'll tell ya but first give me the password =D else ye shall never know muahaha

her: I dont even know that a password exists :lol: cmon i was just making sure. Spill! Hahaha :P

me: Aww c'mon just try! Don't be a killjoy now. :wink: Plus you just might win a trip to the zoo or whatever you kids do nowadays lol

her: I am great! :) so tell me! Haha!

me: Wrong! lol but it's ok i like your confidence! Yeah it's about that only sleepyhead =D you owe me now though :wink:

her: Hahahaha well :) ok then. Its solely abt the a quelle heure and quelle heure est il only tho? I hope its easy like what we do in class :lol: what do owe you now? Haha. Thanks btw!

me: Yeah just that don't worry about it you'll be fine lol. I dunno, what do you have in mind? :P

her: Okay yaay! :lol: huh well i really dnt know, youre the one who said i owe you one :lol:

me: Okay then, you asked for it.. You shall find out.. Tomorrow.. Muahaha>=)

her: Dont take advantage, my ques was just simple! :-\ hahaha see ya :)

me: What do you mean? all i wanted were some shots lol. maybe throw in a g6 too. My, what a dirty mind you have! ;P

her: Ugh. Haha. Thats not what i meant :-\ I meant that whatever i owe you should just be of abt equal value as my ques.

me: Well i charge a really high fee. :P don't see why i should change it now. lol j/k

her: Feeling naman [hard to translate with the same connotation, but i guess it's something like, "cocky aren't you"]. Hahaha joke. Okay foine :lol: see you tmw then!

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i see two errors.

1. i didn't end on my terms (e.g. i shoulda been the one to say goodbye)
2. maybe i shouldn't have said, "My, what a dirty mind you have! ;P" ?

sorry dunno if this was the appropriate subforum, but there's no place here for text/phone game like the other pua forums.

any and all comments appreciated

Author:  On A Rampage [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:55 am ]
Post subject: 

When she asked you what she owed you, you gave her the control.

I would have liked something along the lines of 'now you owe me a chocolate ice cream' initiating a date and something that everyone enjoys. guess it depends if its summer/winter there and if you like chocolate :)

the other errors you have already mentioned, but all in all i think you did well and she has some interest fo shooo

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