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How to ask out girlfriends friend?
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Author:  mefo [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:58 am ]
Post subject:  How to ask out girlfriends friend?
So here's my situation: I've been in a relationship for a long time now, and it's the first girl I've been with. I've finally decided that while the relationship is good, we're not the best match for each other.

One of her friends from college is a good match for me, and I'd like to date this girl. The girl is fairly shy but comfortable with me. I'm sure she see's me as a physically attractive and brilliant guy, so if I were single I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm gonna get a chance to talk to her in a gathering next weekend, and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this without it exploding in my face. Any ideas?
Author:  Chief [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Why not break up with your girlfriend first?
Author:  mefo [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:10 am ]
Post subject: 
A couple reasons. One is that this gathering is a wedding that I'm invited to mainly because I'm dating my girlfriend, though I do know the bride well enough to joke otherwise. I don't want to fuck things up prematurely.

The other reason is that girls tend to like guys that are taken, and I'm not willing to screw up my chances with other girls for this one case. Besides, I do still like my girlfriend and don't want to throw anything away prematurely.
Author:  Energy_ [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
A couple reasons. One is that this gathering is a wedding that I'm invited to mainly because I'm dating my girlfriend, though I do know the bride well enough to joke otherwise. I don't want to fuck things up prematurely.

The other reason is that girls tend to like guys that are taken, and I'm not willing to screw up my chances with other girls for this one case. Besides, I do still like my girlfriend and don't want to throw anything away prematurely.
Man, seriously. You need to change your perspective on the situation.

The chances of preselection working in a situaiton like this are very small.

The girl you are intrested in are FRIENDS with your current GF.

Why would she risk that friendship and her rep just to be with you?
Are you that fucking awsome? ;)

Another note. You say this is your first girlfriend. Sounds to me like you need
to realise a thing about women.. there are lots of them!
No need to start of with gaming girls allready in your social circle!

Do the right thing with your current girl.
Then get out there and have some fun.
Author:  mefo [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 6:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Why would she risk that friendship and her rep just to be with you?
Are you that fucking awsome?
Well, they were not super close friends at the time, and now never see each other. It's not a whole lot to risk. And honestly, I am pretty awesome. Still though, it's not something I'd just expect to work easily, so its not the only option I'm considering.

Most pick up approaches discussed here make it pretty obvious (even if 'indirect') to pick up on the intent, so it adds to the challenge to work while maintaining plausible deniability. Currently the plan is to build comfort/attraction and set up opportunities to meet in the future, and only make intentions clear once I clear things up with my current girlfriend.

Quote:
Another note. You say this is your first girlfriend. Sounds to me like you need
to realise a thing about women.. there are lots of them!
No need to start of with gaming girls allready in your social circle!
There are indeed lots of women. While they all come with a functional vagina, very very few come with a brain that is up to my standards (and are attractive as well). "Go to the bar/mall!" doesn't work. You can meet hundreds of girls at any old place and even with 100% success rate, you'd come home with none that meet my criteria. It sucks, but that doesn't change the fact that I either need to figure out an awesome filter (suggestions welcome), or I need to work with small numbers.
Author:  Kensei [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm surprised you even got into game at all! Why bother when there's no chance you'll find a girl intelligent enough for you even after 100+ approaches?

I love the "I'm picky" excuse being used by guys to stop them from going out and finding women. I have no idea how they expect to be picky if they have even less girls to pick from... Not every woman in a club/mall/bar is a high school drop out, you can find all types if you just go out and talk to them!
Author:  mefo [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Why bother when there's no chance you'll find a girl intelligent enough for you even after 100+ approaches?
There's a difference between the percentage of girls who meet my standards and the percentage of girls that I approach that reach my standards.
Quote:
I love the "I'm picky" excuse being used by guys to stop them from going out and finding women. I have no idea how they expect to be picky if they have even less girls to pick from... Not every woman in a club/mall/bar is a high school drop out
Pshh, it ain't stoppin' me! I just have to be smarter about it :). I do plan on going out to the standard places and meeting girls- but that's just practice for when it counts!

As I said before, my threshold is far above "not a drop out". The girls you think are "very smart" just aren't smart enough, for real.
Author:  bits [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
As much as I like your selection criteria (brains in a girl are important), you may want to reconsider your situation:

You have a girlfriend on which you want to cheat because a friend of hers maybe is a better match.

I see 3 issues:
1) Cheating never is a good option. Among the things that are attractive to a guy, are honesty and loyalty. Now when the word gets around that you have cheated on your girlfriend, girls don't want to hook up with you because you demonstrate that you are willing to dump her for a better girl (and I don't want to be with someone who so easily dumps me). Also, cheating is a sign of untrustworthiness.

Even though you may want to break up with your current GF first, that won't change the situation. Take a look at the timeline:
LTR - short period of being single - LTR
Inevitably, somehow the word will get around that you had feelings for girlB while being in a LTR with girlA, which signals that you only broke up because you didn't want to cheat on girlA, although you already had feelings for girlB.

2) The girls are friends (although you say they're not so close). After a break-up, the ex-GF will always be emotional and angry. Her female friends will support her in getting over it, thus sharing the emotions of anger against you. Although girlB may not be involved in supporting girlA, the girls may have some common friends. All these common friends have to choose sides: Do they support girlA and distrust you, or do they go with girlB and trust you?
GirlB probably realizes this, and may want to keep the situation under control: No love for you, no problems with her friends (and no reputation problems)

3) You think she may be a good match, but how well do you know her? What is a good match? How flexible are you, and why are you already looking for the one? Why is brains so important, and why aren't you looking for a girl with a fun personality, perhaps with an IQ less than 110? If you go with the brains, I wish you good luck since there probably aren't much girls around who are as smart as you want her to be.
It's not that brains aren't important, but I think they're just an aspect of someone's character. I find a girl's overall character more important than only the brains, and I let her know that.

Pickup is not about getting that one girl. It's about getting all the girls, so you can develop yourself and then get that one girl. One attractive quality is 'showing the willingness to walk away'. That means selecting girls based on the qualities you look for in a girl, and showing disinterest in girls you do not want. For that to work, you need to meet more girls than that single girlfriend you have now. And with meeting I mean more than only saying hi because you already have a girl in your life of course.

You now try to get this new girl by being smarter than all the rest. Instead, I want to advice you to internalize the game. Only using your brains as some kind of robot, is incongruent with the rest of your personality. It just says that you love the new target already, and she can't miss with you, which is boring for her.
Remember that girls have a nose for incongruency (it's why they test us), and they will not be attracted to an incongruent guy.
Author:  Stetson [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why are we here trying to pressure a guy to stay with his gf? No matter what the excuse is, he clearly wants to explore some more of the fish in the sea.

Didn't you read? It's the first girl hes together with for christs sake!


Like chief said, why not to break up with your GF first. Do it maturely though, and if you are lucky, the girl is mature too and she won't hate you.
Author:  mefo [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
I appreciate the thoughtful response, bits.

I see how it came across that way, but there are a few misconceptions you have about my outlook towards this. I agree that character is important, but it turns out to be less important to prefilter for. I have met girls with bad character, but it turns out that all the smart and hot ones seem to have good character (probably has to do with having nothing to prove or be bitter about).

Brains are important because I want to be able to respect the girl and have her not be intellectually submissive. It's actually more of a rationality requirement than an IQ requirement, but it's hard to teach rationality to a brick.

I'm also not that focused on this one girl. There are some other paths I'm exploring, I just didn't feel the need to emphasize that, since I can handle that on my own.

I get the difficulties involved, which is why I came here to see if there was a clever way around it. Since it really isn't the case that I would be breaking up with girlA because of girlB, it should be doable even without deception. The obvious way is to put it on the back burner for a while, end this relationship in a way that maintains our friendship, and come back to it later if nothing else pans out.
Author:  The Designer [ Fri Sep 10, 2010 1:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Be careful, mefo.

Cocky can be attractive, displaying elitist character is rarely if ever attractive (unless the woman also has that same distorted frame of mind).

I share your sentiment for intelligent women. To me, it's a massive turn on. However, seeing as you are seeking an intelligent partner, you must also utilize your own intelligence and not corner yourself into a sticky situation.

If I were in your shoes, I'd work on getting GirlB VERY sexually attracted to you. The beauty of the human body is that it very often betrays our better sense of judgement and logic (in even the most intelligent among us).

Break things off with your gf. And if you did the attraction part right, she will come to you. And there's potential for something to come of it.

I do share the other guy's sentiment regarding using PU at such an early age for the sake of serial monogamy.
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:59 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I get the difficulties involved, which is why I came here to see if there was a clever way around it. Since it really isn't the case that I would be breaking up with girlA because of girlB, it should be doable even without deception. The obvious way is to put it on the back burner for a while, end this relationship in a way that maintains our friendship, and come back to it later if nothing else pans out.
Not exactly fair to your girlfriend.
Author:  bits [ Sat Sep 11, 2010 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I get the difficulties involved, which is why I came here to see if there was a clever way around it. Since it really isn't the case that I would be breaking up with girlA because of girlB, it should be doable even without deception. The obvious way is to put it on the back burner for a while, end this relationship in a way that maintains our friendship, and come back to it later if nothing else pans out.
Not exactly fair to your girlfriend.
I suppose it's better than cheating on her?
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