Neediness - The Real Reason To Why She Doesn't Stay In The
Conversation And What To Do About It
Hypothetically, let's say 2 homeless people approach you for a dollar.
First one jumps at you and says, "Hey man, I need a dollar really bad, give me
a dollar - hey, where you're going, come back here..."
The other approaches you and says, "Hello, I would really appreciate if you could
spare a dollar. If you don't, I understand. But if you can spare it, I would l be
forever grateful."
Be honest now, which one would you rather give a dollar?
There is just something that feels right about giving the dollar to the second one,
who didn't show like he NEEDS it.
He wanted it, he asked for it, but he wasn't attached to it. And that's why you probably
felt much more willing to give it to him, while you felt REPULSED by the first one and wanted
to run away.
And it's the same with women. Women can smell if a guy is needy from a mile away...and
they feel repulsed by it.
If you show up needy with a girl, you basically kill any kind of chance of EVER
hooking up with her.
What I see most guys do, especially in Mid-Game, right after they start a conversation is
turn into these needy, insecure little wusses which makes women want to eject
a conversation immediately.
Then guys are left scratching their heads, thinking, "Why can't I get women to stay in
the conversation?"
And in this article, I want to explain to you why women run from neediness, the 2 causes of
neediness and how you can stop being needy once and for all.
So let me begin with the first reason for neediness:
1. The need to POSESS
The first cause of neediness is the need to possess. When we see a beautiful woman, we
want to HAVE her, make her OUR woman.
And it's this "I need to have it" that ignites our neediness.
I see guys do this all the time.
Most guys start a conversation, and then immediately go into their head and say
to themselves, "Ok, I got one! Now I just have to keep her here long enough before I pull the trigger!"
But this is INSANE.
The feeling that a woman get's when you do this is the same as you first homeless person
above.
She feels PRESSURED, she feels REPULSED and she wants to get AWAY.
So if you're doing anything similar, just stop it.
Next time you find yourself in a conversation with a girl, don't try to possess her.
LET HER GO.
How?
4 simple words:
"I let her go"
Right when you're talking with her, and you start thinking "How can I keep her here?" say
"I let her go. If she wants to leave, she can leave."
There is an immense power when you consciously say, "I let her go."
When you say it, you will have to go through a process of imagining letting her go in your
mind - which will set the stage for you letting her go in real life.
It's an immensely freeing feeling. Finally you can stop trying to control the world around
you, control the women and just BREATHE and take it in, without possessing it.
You'll go from tense and rigid and in your head, to relaxed, poised and confident.
You'll communicate that you have many options, and that you don't really need her
there.
If she wants to stay, she's welcomed to.
But if she needs to go, you are holding the door open.
One of my favourite quotes comes from Osho. It says this:
So if you love a flower, don't pick it up - because that kills the flower. Instead, APPRECIATE
the flower, ENJOY the flower, and ALLOW the flower to live on.
It's the same with women. When you see a beautiful woman, don't try
to possess her.
Appreciate her beauty, her body, her look, her smile, her eyes...but don't try to make it YOURS.
Just APPRECIATE it, and let it go.
Practice letting her go. Let go of your need to possess, your need to hold onto her like
your mom's tit, and just let go.
Say the words "I let her go".
You can STILL talk to her, you can still ask for her number - BUT, you don't ask from need,
but from a place of "You know, if it happens it happens, if not, I'm still OK..."
versus "Give me your number because I really need it and my life will end if I don't get it..."
Make sense?
Let's go to the second reason for neediness. It's simply this:
2. Feeling EMPTY
Now I think this is the biggest reason for neediness.
When most guys approach a girl, they approach her from a place of feeling EMPTY inside.
And they see the girl as something that will FILL in that emptiness.
But a woman is NEVER the thing that is suppose to fill in that emptiness.
It is the MAN's job to fill it up.
I want to share with you my best thinking on this. After thinking about it for YEARS, I've came
to understand this in this way.
The reason why men feel empty inside, is because they
don't feel any MEANING in their life.
They live meaningless lives.
They go to work, they pay off their cars, pay their rent, eat food, pay for the stereo they
bought last month...but they don't have any true MEANING.
Most men are not truly living...they are just surviving.
To truly live, a man has to feel that his life is something beyond his mere survival.
A man needs to feel that he is doing the thing he has been sent on this earth to do.
Each of us has a special mission in life - for some, it's to be the best business man.
For others, it's to sky-dive. For some it's climbing mountains - but it's our unique mission.
If a man doesn't find his mission, he will remain empty. And he
will go out trying to fill in that void through women.
But it won't work.
"What do I REALLY want to do?"
When I asked myself this question, the answer FREAKED me out.
At the time, I was working as a financial advisor. I had the next 10 years of my life planned
in advance.
But when I asked myself that question, the answer scared me because it said,
"Quit your job".
That wasn't something I read in the latest "Follow your passion" book. That came out of the
deepest part of my HEART.
It was the thing I needed to do, if I was to actualise my REAL mission.
What was my mission?
I knew that I wanted to help people in more ways than by selling them some financial plan.
However, that thought was just a whisper, nothing more. I never stopped and acknowledged
that voice in my heart, because life was happening all around me - business deals, clients, goals,
I mean, who has time to think about meaning?
Anyhow, eventually I did quit my job, and threw myself into coaching.
Was it scary?
It was the scariest thing I did till then.
Did I feel insecure and in the dark about how I will do it?
Totally. I had no idea where to start or how.
But I followed what was in my heart.
I started living my life.
And I never again approached women to fill a void. I approached women from a position
of feeling FULL, not empty.
And I wasn't needy ever again.
What about you?
Now, in your case, it doesn't have to mean a change of career. It may be that you need
to travel the world.
Or it may be that you need to do some crazy things, like go sky-diving and bunjee-jump.
It may be that you need to go and read to orphan kids every Tuesday.
What ever it is, I want to encourage you to ask yourself this question:
"What do I REALLY want to do next in my life?"
And be prepared for the answer to scare you - to FREAK YOU OUT.
But be true to that answer. It is coming from the depth of your heart, and because of that,
honour it and TRUST it.
And when you throw yourself in following your heart, your life will be filled with meaning.
It will feel right inside of you, in your knowing that when you wake up in the morning, you
are connected to doing what you've been born to do.
I want to leave you with an Arab proverb, that sums what I just said.
Throw your heart in front of you, and then run ahead to catch it. Live your life like that, and
I promise you won't regret it at the end.
Till next time, stay true to yourself,
Phantom