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Second chance with coworker
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Author:  wingman7 [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:05 am ]
Post subject:  Second chance with coworker
I work in a big company, and I meet new attractive colleagues daily.
But I have for years followed the rule "don't shit where you eat", until now, when I could not resist to ask one of the girls out, after working with her for the last days.

The date was a failure, I treated her like a colleague with no kino and bombarded her with questions.
I asked her out on a second date, she said yes, but later bailed.

Not to screw things up more I left her alone for a few weeks until I ran into her at work. I could feel the tension and that she was avoiding me.

So I sent her a text. Told my reason for asking her out was because I had a small crush on her. But I wanted things to be cool between us at work.
(This was no attempt to get her interested again, I just wanted to remove the tension).

She replied that she was also interested but afraid since we are working together and things could be complicated, and that was the reason she bailed on me.

Now I feel I must give this a second chance. How should I continue?
Author:  Dragula [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Girls also apply the "don't shit where you eat rule" so there are no guarantees.

Working in companies, there usually a few parties, gatherings, get some alcohol in her and flirt away and she might break her rules.

Pick up Isnt about obtaining every woman. It's about being good with women. Read my sig link
Author:  wingman7 [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Thanks for your reply. Read your post and point taken.
I succeed mostly because they think that I'm a good partner. Honest, taking care of my self and have good job, etc, and not because I can go after any girl I like. I don't have enough experience for that.

To meet up for a party would be ideal. But there is nothing like this at the horizon.
So either I go for a direct approach and tell her that I don't mind that it can be complicated and ask for a second date, or something less threatening, let's be friend and then escalate from there?
Author:  R.C [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
Thanks for your reply. Read your post and point taken.
I succeed mostly because they think that I'm a good partner. Honest, taking care of my self and have good job, etc, and not because I can go after any girl I like. I don't have enough experience for that.

To meet up for a party would be ideal. But there is nothing like this at the horizon.
So either I go for a direct approach and tell her that I don't mind that it can be complicated and ask for a second date, or something less threatening, let's be friend and escalate from there?

Never lets be friends and escalate from there. Because it almost never works (for good reason mind you) and it's also pathetic. Think about it for a second.

Anyway, the reason she bailed isn't because she doesn't wanna shit where she eats. If that were the case she wouldn't have gone on the first date with you to begin with.
She bailed because she lost intrigue due to the failed time spent together. Her explanation was just a polite way of turning you down.

When I started working I've had the same ideology of not shitting where I eat. That only lasted about 3 months. Maybe less. I've been doing it ever since, but if you're not a masochist to some degree or not very good at handling drama and defusing situations, you probably should stay away from it.
It's a guilty pleasure of mine, but it can turn ugly in some cases.

That being said, I don't think there's much you can do to get a second date with this girl. And asking her out will most likely turn things back on awkward mode. But it's your call.
Author:  wingman7 [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
Never lets be friends and escalate from there. Because it almost never works (for good reason mind you) and it's also pathetic. Think about it for a second.

Anyway, the reason she bailed isn't because she doesn't wanna shit where she eats. If that were the case she wouldn't have gone on the first date with you to begin with.
She bailed because she lost intrigue due to the failed time spent together. Her explanation was just a polite way of turning you down.

When I started working I've had the same ideology of not shitting where I eat. That only lasted about 3 months. Maybe less. I've been doing it ever since, but if you're not a masochist to some degree or not very good at handling drama and defusing situations, you probably should stay away from it.
It's a guilty pleasure of mine, but it can turn ugly in some cases.

That being said, I don't think there's much you can do to get a second date with this girl. And asking her out will most likely turn things back on awkward mode. But it's your call.
Thanks, Yes, I think that you are right. She have responded well to my direct approach up until the date. To change behaviour would just be strange, and like you wrote, she is willing to date a coworker. I just failed.

I didn't mention that she in her reply asked me if I'm aslo free right now (long weekend Thursday to Monday). Might be an opening, or maybe I'm grasping at straws :)
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 3:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
I didn't mention that she in her reply asked me if I'm aslo free right now

"We should do breakfast together! Should I call, or just tickle you?"
Author:  wingman7 [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 4:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
"We should do breakfast together! Should I call, or just tickle you?"
Great. I will go for a direct approach :)

Maybe I'm just stupid, but I think it's time to be more alpha. So what If she flakes.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Hey man, you know the situation best, I'm just working with what you give me.

Like I said, if you wanna do it, do it.
Author:  wingman7 [ Fri Sep 11, 2015 8:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Thanks for help.
I asked her out again. Casual asked about her day and if she want to grab a coffee tomorrow.
She was busy but had the hole Sunday free. So it's a date. Of course there is always a risk she bails.

I will throw in a Bob Marley Quote for myself. :)
“If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy.”
Author:  wingman7 [ Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Update.
We went on our second date, and this time I had prepared my self so much mentally.
She was nervous, and me as well. But my nr 1 goal was to be relaxed around her, then make it all about her, and slowly get to the kiss. I succeed with all of it. :)

I think it was powerful to be direct about my feelings instead of beating around the bush. Then ignore her explanations that it will be difficult since we are working together etc, and still ask her out again.
Author:  R.C [ Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Well done :)
Author:  wingman7 [ Sun Sep 13, 2015 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
Well done :)
Thanks, It was more than a kiss, making out. :)
Feels great to "loose" and then rise back up again. I'm happy now :)

Thanks again R.C for not letting me go into wuss mode (let's be friends) with this girl. :)
Author:  wingman7 [ Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
I asked X out this weekend to for an event at a club.
But no reply in two days.

I'm really bad at taking crap from girls. I tell them directly. Not in a rude way, but just explaining that I don't accept their behavior. It works really well when I'm in a relationship. But now when I have not yet have sex with the girl, I have to bit my tongue, and don't really know how to behave.

So I sent her a message asking if she chicken out again? :)
(A sentence she used on me the first time she flaked).

She replied with smiley faces almost directly and apologized for being slow.
I agreed that yes she is slow.
She apologised even more, and told me that in her mind she already answered me.
I told her that I don't know her that well to read her mind yet.
She replied that soon I will. And that she is like an open book.
Anyway, fun conversation.
She had plans earlier during the night, but would probably join me later.

During the night she flakes. I reply short with it's cool, good night.
Instead I ended up spending the night out with two other girls I met at this event.
Funny thing is when I was walking out with my arms around these two girls, I met a colleague. I later realized that the last time I said hello to this guy was one week ago when I had my arms around X on our date. Now I was standing there talking to him while one of the girls continue to cling on me. He must think I'm such a player. :)

The day after I asked X about her night and told her about mine.
Then asked if she wanted to hang out tomorrow. She replied that she was free in the afternoon.
So I sent a message with time and place, but for 14 hours my message was not delivered. Sure it was late, and she might be sleeping, but since when have a girl been away from her phone more than 1-2 hours? :)

I'm used to date younger girls, and I see how they just keep collecting guys, reply when they feel like it.
They have so many options. They like the attention. My last girlfriend was working at a big reception and she used to show me all the messages she got daily from new guys. I understand that for X I'm just one of her guys, and she have no problem to keep me on hold.
So before she had the time to read my message I canceled the plans. Gave excuse I was too quick yesterday, forgot that I already have other plans.

Hopefully my flake knocked her little bit off the pedestal.

Now she replied that I own her one.
Author:  TouchOfDeath [ Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
I'm used to date younger girls, and I see how they just keep collecting guys, reply when they feel like it.
They have so many options. They like the attention. My last girlfriend was working at a big reception and she used to show me all the messages she got daily from new guys. I understand that for X I'm just one of her guys, and she have no problem to keep me on hold.
That was eye-opening. I subconsciously was aware of it, but actually hearing it, wow!

A/w keep it playfull and don't let her think of you as granted! Your last response was a very good damage control, but never admit to be sorry!
Author:  R.C [ Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Second chance with coworker
Quote:
but never admit to be sorry!
Lol, what?
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