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How to act on a date with ex?
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Author:  awexe [ Sun Jan 25, 2015 1:03 pm ]
Post subject:  How to act on a date with ex?
Hey!

6 months ago I split up with my ex. 2 months ago I made a topic on this forum about advice how to get back with her, or should I even try. I did not ask her out then, decided to let it go.

I have dated a few girls since then, had a few one night stands, never moved past 2-3 dates, because I just did not feel enough attraction.

I seem to get much more attention in night clubs now. When I went to one a week ago, I had 3 women just approach me and start dancing with me. I guess dance lessons have made me more comfortable. I did not really like any of them. My ex was there, watching me quite a bit as my friends told me. I had a good time, did not talk with her, besides the "hi".

I have greatly improved my confidence. Last month I sang solo in 4 concerts, something I would not have done half a year ago. I have improved my quality of life, have much more to talk about.
Generally, I just feel much better about myself.

Anyway, 2 nights ago I went to a nightclub again. My ex was there... again. I saw her and thought - she just looks to good for me not to do anything. I approached her, we danced. She was impressed by my dancing skills. I made her laugh, said she is quite clumsy because of her dress. I laughed about her, about myself, it was going smoothly and I felt no pressure. She made some flirty jokes, like, would I want her to undress. I said - not here and now, but sure ;)

I figured It was not a situation to go for a one night stand. So i asked if she wants to meet me some day. She asked would we meet as friends or will it be a date? I said it's gonna be a date. She agreed. It did not sound like she was 100% ecstatic about it, but she definitely was interested.

So, I have arranged a date with her on Tuesday. I plan to have a meal at some cafe, since we'll both be after work. She will be hungry, I know she doesn't get time to have proper meals at her work. After that I plan to take her to a movie, sci-fi thriller. Not the most obvious choice, but I feel she would enjoy it. Tickets in the last row, of course.

A few problems:
#1
I expect her to be not in a good mood, she'll probably be exhausted after her work. Like, I am trying to imagine how things would go on the date, I see her in a bad mood and not reacting well to anything I do.

#2
My flat is being repaired, I expect to move in in ~2weeks. Until then I am living at my grandma's house and there is no chance I could/would bring the girl here.
We did not get to sex when we dated last time, despite 7 dates. I was simply too passive and araid of moving forward... I want to show her that is not a problem anymore.
Should I try to go to her place, if things move well? Suggestions on how to do that?
She lives alone.

Thanks!
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Sun Jan 25, 2015 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to act on a date with ex?
Quote:
#1
I expect her to be not in a good mood, she'll probably be exhausted after her work. Like, I am trying to imagine how things would go on the date, I see her in a bad mood and not reacting well to anything I do.
Why even go out then? This doesn't sound like a recipe for a good date. Plan it on a weekend when she won't be in a miserable mood if you think this is how it's going to go down.

On a side note: She sounds lovely.

Quote:
#2
My flat is being repaired, I expect to move in in ~2weeks. Until then I am living at my grandma's house and there is no chance I could/would bring the girl here.
We did not get to sex when we dated last time, despite 7 dates. I was simply too passive and araid of moving forward... I want to show her that is not a problem anymore.
Should I try to go to her place, if things move well? Suggestions on how to do that?
She lives alone.
So you actually haven't slept with her yet? Escalate confidently and then yes, of course - if things are going well, move things back to her place.

During the date try to find a reason to mention you're having your place re-done and all the great stuff you're doing to it... makes it easier to parry around inviting her back to your place and then suggest hers as an alternative.

"I'd invite you back, but like I said, my place is getting re-done, so I'm couch-surfing for the next week or two..."
Author:  awexe [ Sun Jan 25, 2015 1:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to act on a date with ex?
Quote:
Quote:
On a side note: She sounds lovely.
I feel sarcasm ;)

When we were dating, it was often me in the bad mood and her cheering me up. I want to show I can cheer her up when she is feeling down. Besides, maybe she will be in a great mood, who knows.

Tuesday night is not perfect, I know. But waiting for a whole week could kill the momentum.

Another thing, should I bother with texting her until then? I have never been into texting. I feel it can complicate things and lead to misunderstandings. And I don't want to appear in-confident.
Author:  Miami_J [ Tue Jan 27, 2015 3:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to act on a date with ex?
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
On a side note: She sounds lovely.
I feel sarcasm ;)

When we were dating, it was often me in the bad mood and her cheering me up. I want to show I can cheer her up when she is feeling down. Besides, maybe she will be in a great mood, who knows.

Tuesday night is not perfect, I know. But waiting for a whole week could kill the momentum.

Another thing, should I bother with texting her until then? I have never been into texting. I feel it can complicate things and lead to misunderstandings. And I don't want to appear in-confident.

Don't text if you don't have to. Just try setting up a date on a day that work for both of you, not after work..
Author:  awexe [ Thu Jan 29, 2015 3:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to act on a date with ex?
Report:
When the date time had come, I messaged her asking at what time she is coming. She wrote that she has finished work and is very tired. I called her, she said she did not want to meet anymore.
I actually felt relieved. The initial impression I had of her had been declining all the time. And not even bothering to call me to cancel the date, that was just childish.

A bit later she called me to apologize. I was calm, explained that I dislike such attitude but don't feel offended. She asked if we can stay friends. I said no and that I will tell her hi when I meet her.

I had a good night, a nice meal in restaurant and went to cinema, too.

I have another girl on my horizon, let's see what I manage to do.

Thanks for the advice, gentlemen.

Do I regret asking her out? Nope. I wanted to do that, so I did. I feel better now and realize there is nothing special about her.
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