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| Lightbulb Goes On/Alpha Moment https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=97847 |
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| Author: | camus154 [ Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Lightbulb Goes On/Alpha Moment |
Hey all, I had what I'd call an "alpha revelation" today that I just thought I'd share. I lurk here off and on and am still learning a lot about being alpha and a better man in relationships period, so this was defintely an "ah-hah" moment for me. My girlfriend is moving in with me at the end of the month. An old school friend of hers just went through a bad divorce and wanted to come out to visit and stay with us for a few days, which I was absolutely fine with. He knew she was moving this month but booked his flight for the same weekend as the move, without checking with her about dates. Needless to say, my gf wasn't happy about this and told him it was a bad weekend, but she said he was going to get a hotel instead of staying with us. Now, I wasn't happy either because both of us are excited about living together and the heart of it is, that weekend belongs to us and I don't want to share it with others, besides the practical matter of having to entertain guests while getting stuff squared away. Now here's where the lighbulb goes on. Normally in situations like this, I'd be wishy-washy, not wanting to be the bad guy and tell her friend he has to reschedule, but then I would have been mad at my gf for not saying no and having that weekend spoiled. This time, though, I decided it was simply non-negotiable. Having that weekend to ourselves was going to be a reality. When I called her, I told her very calmly that he had to bite the bullet and pay whatever extra to rebook flights because it was too important to me to have our first weekend together. Honestly I was half-expecting an argument at this point, but to my surprise she said she was thinking the same thing....and then she really surprised me by saying how I was good for her, that she needed me to be matter-of-fact in making these decisions. Anyway, that's it. I've concluded this worked so well because I asserted my boundaries, and I did so in a way that demonstrated she, and us, are important to me. The result was relief, no arguing, and getting what we want. I don't know if this story helps anyone else, but I think this was definitely being on the right track. |
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| Author: | TheFreshPrince [ Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Awesome. Congratulations! The phrase PUAs spit out for a situation like yours (at least the closest I could think of), is "you have to risk losing her to really get her". Now I don't think in this case there was any chance you would lose her, but she could have been really upset with you. Instead, you took that chance, and things are not just better because of the practical situation, but also relationship wise because she thinks you guys are a good fit. Nice work. |
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