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I changed while in LTR. What now?
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Author:  mcare [ Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  I changed while in LTR. What now?
I'm in my first LTR (8 months now) everything is ok. We're doing fine etc.

But it took me 6 months to figure out just how I changed.

I'm 22. I am very well off. I own a couple businesses and make good money. I don't work. I'm quite good looking, have basic natural game etc.

I used to have very dinamic lifestyle. I spent my days with different girls, playing poker, racing cars, traveling (or living in different countries for months), hanging out with my close friends, making deals just for the fun of it, playing golf etc. Good times :) I was very active and was (as a result?) Alpha. Everyone wanted to be around me, girls were lining up for me, when I talked everyone listened etc.

A few weeks after I started dating this girl I moved to different country to spend my winter there, she visited me few times. I was there for two months. After I returned I moved in with her and started spending most of my time with her.

Now 8 months in LTR I notice that I havent done any of the things I did before (except hanging with friends) for almost two months. I also noticed how it affected me. I became more passive (just chillin for most of the time; also making me more Beta), spending most (if not all when she's not at work) time with her.

Problem? I'm starting to miss my previous lifestyle (including girls but I think that is just because I'm associating that with other things). Strike that; I miss the person I used to be. It also made me quite a Beta. I'm waiting for my girl to come off work and have no idea how to spend time with her (what would you like to do today honey?) cuz' it's just not my thing not to have my days filled with activities. And she notices that I'm not the guy she first met.

She's not forcing me into anything but my life sudenly revolves around her. It's (fundamentaly) because I want so but it has affected how I and other view myself. I used to tell her what I'll be doing and she went along. Cuz Mcare told so.

What now? Should I just start doing the things I did before (she wouldn't mind) in an attempt to get back in my old daily rythm? I don't mind my current lifestyle but it had massive negative efect (being Beta, passive, loosing social circle and general High-Value I had).

P.s: right now I'm sitting on my porch smoking cigar, drinking scotch and waiting for her to come home from her get-together with her friends. Fuck-my-life.

Summary: I don't like what I turned into (by choice). I sudenly feel like I didn't accomplished anything in past few months. I feel like I'm "just living". I don't miss any activity (or I go out and do it). I miss the need to do it.
Author:  chandlerbing [ Sat Jul 30, 2011 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I changed while in LTR. What now?
i think that change have made people around you.maybe she makes u to be Beta.i used to be more active as well,then i moved out of my country to UK and people around me are just not that what they should be.so social life has changed.so im thinking go back just because of this.i havent been Alpha,but i had alphas style,and it did work.now im f*** Beta.
you could try have more time for you.she will miss you more than now (coz u r together all the time) and u will get back on your alphas feet.
Author:  Apocalyptica [ Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
The price you pay for being in a LTR. You naturally have to give up some of your time which you would otherwise spend by doing random stuff. Now you spend it with your GF.

If you prefer to be single again, as you say, be single again.
Author:  astartes2 [ Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah man get an LTR won't feel real unless both of you are putting your hearts into it. When one of you are not doing so the other will feel it.
Author:  intrigued101 [ Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The price you pay for being in a LTR. You naturally have to give up some of your time which you would otherwise spend by doing random stuff. Now you spend it with your GF.

If you prefer to be single again, as you say, be single again.
I agree with this. I have been struggling with something very similar myself recently. I am a perpetual travelling and follow my love of extreme sports. I feel a desire to be in a relationship but that threatens my freedom to do what I love.

If I found a perfect girl I would make the sacrifice but I wouldn't do this lightly. I realised that I am in a unique stage of my life, young, money, freedom, no responsibilities. Ultimately we do the relationship, living together, family thing for a long time. Why rush to do that now? Make the most of your freedom whilst you still have it. I know I won't want to live like this forever so I am making the most of it right now. I'm getting it out of my system :)

If you decide to stay with the girl then you need to still keep your identity. If you loved to travel you still need to do this, albeit shorter less crazy trips. If you loved racing cars continue to do so. It's like you can't be that full crazy single you but you can keep some of the elements and have a LTR. Surely that is the best of both worlds?
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