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How to go about this...
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Author:  bigdog225 [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 8:11 am ]
Post subject:  How to go about this...
Okay so I met this nice girl, and I'm in a LTR with her, and we just made it a official a day or two ago
Now how do I go about setting boundaries, and finding out if she still communicates with any of her exes, or what she considers cheating, and how many guys she's dated while she was at university, because she's told me she has dated some guys while living on the dorms, now she seems to be a good girl, but I do know looks can be deceiving, and I'm kind of worried I don't have the full scoop, and later on down the line my balls will burst, I've had this scenario happen many times, where I didn't ask all the questions.
Now looking at my situation, common sense tells me ask her these things, and then move forward, but I don't want to come off as insecure, and needy, but I really don't want to get fucked on this, and I don't mind breaking it off with her, if there's something I can't put up with... hmmmmmmmm I just don't know :?
How do I ask these things without sounding insecure?
Author:  Wal [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 3:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to go about this...
When you enter into a relationship, i.e. when you have that discussion about going exclusive, that is your best chance to bring up what cheating means, and what exclusivity means, and that sort of thing. Since you lost that opportunity, I'd say just find a chill moment where you can define those things, if you must.

One the other hand:
Do you think that this is a "real" problem? Do you think that telling her, "I don't want you sleeping with other guys now that we are exclusive," will stop her if she is so inclined? And, if you believe that you need to have that conversation to get the point across (like somehow that isn't obvious), why would this person (who doesn't automatically understand exclusivity) be someone you'd be exclusive with?

(The above questions border on rhetoric... I'm not necessarily looking for answers to them; consider them as a sort of thought-experiment; if you want to answer them, feel free, because I'm curious as to what you think)

The other questions are irrelevant. You have no business telling her not to communicate with, or stay friends with, her exes. If you can't handle that, so be it, but take that upon yourself to say, "I can't handle that" (not "you aren't allowed to do that"). Also, why do you care about how many guys she has dated? Did you want be the boyfriend of a swamp-donkey, or the boyfriend of a girl who has plenty of options and chose you over the rest of her lame dates?

I understand the feeling of being worried that you don't have the full scoop, but take my word on this: you never will. Why sweat it?
Author:  bigdog225 [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah that's true man, I'm kind of feeling the same way, I should just let it be, if she wants to cheat, and sleep around she definitely will, whether I tell her she should or not, and she hasn't given me a reason for me not to trust her yet, so I'll probably just let it play out, but yeah thanks for the advice, I appreciate it man.
Author:  Wal [ Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
To clarify, I'm not suggesting to roll over and let your girl walk all over you. You can have clear boundaries and stick to them. Just make sure your boundaries are reasonable, and at least somewhat universal. I've met a whole bunch of guys in relationships, on every level from complete chode to the absolute man.

The chodes won't let their girlfriends out of the house. They think this is reasonable. The absolute men will give their girlfriends just as much leeway as they expect for themselves. They also think this is reasonable.

But guess which guy has to fight with his girl all the time, to "explain" the reasonable boundaries, and wonders why his girl doesn't get what he believes are universal boundaries? And which guy rarely (if ever) has these problems?

And Guess which girls are happily going home with their boyfriends tonight, and which ones secretly wish they were brave enough to leave?
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Wed Jul 20, 2011 12:24 am ]
Post subject: 
how is it a LTR (long-term relationship) if you just made it official two days ago?

i'm confused, lol.

to me, a LTR relationship is years AFTER making it official...

anyway, just remove trust from the equation.

i have zero expectations from women now.

no expectation, no letdown.
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