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Being a Beta Male is Paying Off. Help!!!
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Author:  JKill5 [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:40 am ]
Post subject:  Being a Beta Male is Paying Off. Help!!!
My roommate (and best friend of 20 years) has been dating this girl for 6 months. They are both 26 years old and they met through a mutual friend. She is hot – I’d say HB 8. He has never really had a serious girlfriend before, let alone ever been with a girl as hot as his current girlfriend. She is also very nice and intelligent, and has good social skills. He is not the smartest guy, but is extremely genuine nice guy who everybody likes and enjoys being around. Overall, they seem to be a very good fit for each other and I am happy for them both.

However, I have noticed since day 1 that he is the most supreme beta male provider type I have ever seen. He takes her out to dinner nightly, and was doing so long before he f-closed her. By the way, it took him 3 weeks to F-Close and he was paying for her dinners and taking her to fancy places since date #1. On top of all this, he has completely neglected every other aspect of his life. He does not hang out with his friends anymore and literally spends 95% of his free time at her place. He comes home, packs a bag, and stays at her apartment for 3 or 4 days at a time. When he is not with her, you can tell he is distracted and thinking about her and looking to leave to go meet her as soon as possible. I don’t blame him for wanting to hang out with her and fuck her all the time, but he makes plans with his friends and doesn’t even bother canceling – he just doesn’t show up and instead hangs out with his Girl. In other words, she has become his everything and, who knows, perhaps He has become HER everything.

To take things further, about 2 months ago, (4 months into their relationship) he mentioned that he was going to marry her by that time next year (May of 2012). He literally lives and breathes every moment with her, caters to her every need, supplicates unlike anything I have ever seen, yet it seems to be working to perfection. Everything you would expect out of a Beta male is exactly what he is doing. For one, I am simply awestruck by all of this. However, I don’t want to see this end badly for him as he has literally been living his life all for her for the past 6 months. He got a new job because she kind of looked down on his old one, he will be moving in with her in 5 months, and he’s already talking marriage. All the signs point to him putting setting himself up for a huge meltdown if she ends up being like 99% of women out there who want a confident alpha male and not a beta provider. I truly hope they end up marrying each other and living happily ever after, but in my experience (yes, I have been in his shoes before and it’s great when it’s good but it sucks more than anything when you are let down) this will not be the case. Sooner or later, the nice guy, beta male will lose and the alpha male will have his victory. How can this be? Is it too soon to tell? Do betas even win sometimes? I really am concerned but it is not my place to tell him and he wouldn’t believe me because right now, she is reciprocating. Should I suggest that he find some sort of balance between Alpha and Beta and wean her off the beta male that she has come to know or would that be detrimental? I really just don’t want to see him have a breakdown
Author:  lazyfare [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Being a good provider will get you the girl. The problem with that is it will get you ONE girl because for most people it is hard to provide for a ton, and if you are a true provider and do not have any leadership/alpha skills, the girl is likely to stay with you and cheat on you with high quality males (this is especially the case for HB7s or HB8s who know they cannot get a good provider and a good alpha, so they use the provider, subconsciously, to take care of their immediate needs and use the alpha to have stronger, more attractive children that will carry better genes.)

David DeAngelo actually has a great guest speaker who is an evolutionary psychologist talk about this. Forget what the video is called but you can find it on youtube, I am pretty sure he only has one or two with an evolutionary psychologist.

Anyways, I would not bring it up to your buddy saying "you are beta, and you are likely to get cheated on when you least expect it." Right now I doubt he's in much danger because she still has secured his financial support totally (although she's probably starting to feel like she needs more than just this.)

Instead, I would ask him "How much time do you have for your friends?" Whatever he answers he is likely to stick to, because once people commit to something they hate going back on it. And if he does waffle like he has been, forget him.

Apply your PUA training to your friendships, too, and you will see that the good friends are not going to ditch you like that. Even if they were hooking up with Megan Fox.

You would not stay friends with a girl (even one you were not interested in physically) that would ditch you for her bf.
Author:  JKill5 [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
A lot of what you said makes perfect sense. However, I really don’t think she is the type to cheat. She is a genuine and honest person who is also pretty religious (Christian) and I really don’t see that happening. That’s not to say it WON’T happen.

Also, I don’t write off friends because they become love-drunk. I try to be understanding and when (if) the shit hits the fan with his woman, I will try and offer advice. It just feels like watching a car wreck in super slow motion because you know it’s gonna end badly but there’s really nothing you can do.

The whole thing is actually fascinating to me and I want to learn from all of this as well as help him learn from it should it come crashing down.

Thanks for the insight.
Author:  afc__atticus [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 2:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, don't ditch your mate, he's your best mate! At the start of a good relationship with a girl you really care about your priorities change significantly. If you're a beta your world begins to revolve around her.

From past experiences I'd say she will loose interest for him. They could be meant for each other and will get married, have 3 kids, grow old together blah blah... although in most cases this doesn't happen. At the moment they're still in the early stages so everything seems perfect however I'd put money on her loosing interest with all the attention he's showering on her. He needs to try and find more balance in his life, hang out with his mates and spend time apart from her. Having a life outside of your relationship is key to a strong and lengthy relationship. Plus if he is hanging out with his mates more and she breaks up with him at least he'll still have all his mates.

And yes beta's win sometimes for sure, think of all the guys out there married to babes, not all of them can be alphas. Don't tell him to be more alpha, just suggest he try get a life outside of her, it will benefit him and his relationship.
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Sat Jul 16, 2011 5:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Girls can definitely go for a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy). But there are two considerations here:

1. Being a SNAG is like being a PUA, in that you have to find a lot of girls, because you will be "rejected" so often by being put in the friend zone. And this is a friend zoning after having put a ton of effort into this "relationship". Not pleasant.

2. Is he really happy taking the back seat like that? I mean changing his job because of a girl he's known for only 6 months? If he is happy, though, more power to him. =)

Remember that MOST guys are beta. Yet there are tons of guys in the world happily married. Being beta works for some. For others, you'll feel better knowing that you're Alpha, and that you are really as in control as one can be. ;)
Author:  Dr. Mooney [ Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:59 am ]
Post subject: 
Bro, tell this guy what is up..He is absolutely whipped. Set his a$$ straight.
Author:  paznoz [ Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
He's been suckered. Dammit. It reminds me of myself sadly
Author:  8thStreetS [ Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:54 am ]
Post subject: 
I know someone who was just like this guy and ended up in this same situation a little less than 2 years ago. I havent seen him in a little over a year but just a couple weeks ago I heard how he was doing. This girl who he was with and was ready to marry broke off the engagement mainly because he made her the center of his life. He moved back in with his parents who live in a different and smaller city than the one he was living in before and hopes to win this girl back. I think he is like 27. This is the problem if you have never been in much of a relationship before which is during your first relationship I believe there is a tendency to make that person the center of your life. Doesnt matter what age whether it is 15 or 30. The problem is is that when this most likely falls through it's going to damage other areas of his life which by his age he should have at least a couple areas up and running without issue. I know I was a mess the first time I got dumped by a girl I liked. Fortunatly I was 21 and had plenty of time to recover without peoples judgement. At his age I think it will be harder. If I were you I would pull him aside and make him aware of what is going on. He can become aware of it because you let him know or he will become aware of it when it happens. At least telling him early on he can save the relationship.
Author:  zelectron [ Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:38 am ]
Post subject: 
I went through that and I worry for your friend. The problem with this kind of situation is that you feel you live something special and also above anybody else's way of thinking "they cannot understand", "this happiness is so unique"...
My ex-girlfriend didn't cheat on me but started to be friend with an idiot hitting on her. She as a woman always said that she loves sensitive men and hated players which makes it more difficult for me to accept. This woman refused her femininity as much as I refused my masculinity. I saw myself so much hurt by her disrespectful and humiliating behavior that I decided to be disconnected emotionally towards her which led to a lack of feeling and lack of desire, I started desiring other women so decided to break up. To my surprise, she was hurt by that and blamed me for not loving her anymore. I only told her the real reasons of my feeling change a year later and seemed to deeply regret it especially when this guy made a business deal with her and ruined her. What was interesting is that she recognizes that her behavior was wrong but couldn't explain why she acted like that with me. (my interpretation today after reading women psychology, is that her ideological an intellectual models fight the female animal in her, I represented the intellectual call (sexually though, I was a good lover :)) but the animal in her was looking for that alpha male. Because of this artificial conflict she went to the wrong alpha that caused her so much trouble)
After my break up, I wanted to enjoy light relationships, but being a beta-AFC and not knowing how to approach women makes it difficult and creates frustration. I managed to have only one girl that I slept with only one time and gave me herpes (despite the full protection during sex).
I'm 35 now, went through a depression and seeing a psychologist trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
In conclusion, your friend needs to be careful and in touch with his needs. Even if she is not the kind of girl that cheats (like my girlfriend was) she still can act in a humiliating or hurtful way, and being a beta will force him to accept the unacceptable from her

good luck
Author:  GeorgePH [ Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have a friend in a similar situation. Him & I used to pick up girls together back in the day, and got into relationships around the same time, but now I think he slips up too often and is on his way to becoming a full-time beta male.

All I can say is, you shouldn't try to get between him and his girl. Most likely you'll just force him to remove you from his life to a bigger degree. What you can talk about is his shitty behaviour, like not even canceling when you agree to hang out. That's between you and him, and it's just really disrespectful.

As for the girl, the best thing you can do is talk to him about the situation when he brings it up himself. Once again: by forcing your opinion down his throat, you'll just create a distance because he's into the girl too much.

There's a saying in my native language I really like: If you're afraid to lose something, you will. A man's life should be centered around his own goals and needs, not a woman. Once you forget that, you're doomed. It might happen now, in 2 years or 10 years, but relationships like that only work if a girl feels like you're the center of her universe too - and that almost never happens.

In my own relationship, I always focused on myself first and knew in my heart that my life would still kick ass without my ex. When the time came to break up, I wasn't crushed or destroyed because only one aspect of my life changed: not something I base my whole life on. I strongly believe that that's the right attitude to have.

Hope that helps.
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