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mindfugging issues?
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Author:  the reporter [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:04 pm ]
Post subject:  mindfugging issues?
fucking breakup with her. FUCK IT
Author:  Psych3r [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: mindfugging issues?
Quote:
but what i realise is i must have more power in this relationship.. should i just ignore her? how do i resolve this?
Power does NOT equal control.

based on what you wrote, it seems like you are being controlling. That will only push any girl farther away (and perhaps back into her EX's arms).

People don't own each other. You can't stop her from going back to a club. All you can do is hope that all the value building and relationship work you've done to make her happy keeps her from making mistakes. If you are an awesome dude that she adores, seeing her EX at a club may make her rethink the past a little, but most likely not act on it because she is happier now than then.

If however you are paranoid that she is going to leave you, or jealous of this ex, or any other insecure behaviors, she is most likely only tied to you with a thin thread. One easily broken anyway and certainly if she goes back to familiar turf. Face it, when shes promised you she wouldn't go back to a club it was her convincing herslef she was over it - but not actually. When she wanted to go back, it was her own test to see how she felt. The right move would have been to support her in it.

If she was going to cheat on you, she would do it anyway, what would the harm have been? Now you are just viewed as a controlling, jealous and angry person. You will most likely loose her unless you change your stance and be more supportive.

I'm not saying cower to her will, but I'm saying be strong and don't let it phase you. If she asks your opinion, state it clearly like a man. "I think you are only going back to test yourself around your ex". That is a fair statement. if she gets all defensive you knew you were right. If she see's your point she will respect you for it and most likely won't do things like that knowing you are right.

hope that helps.
Author:  the reporter [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
yes i did support her when she wants to go club.. she told me in advance that she's going.. is this considered good? then i told her that i trust her and i believe you know what are the things that should/shoulnt be done.. upon reaching home she msg me back to tell me that's she safe home.. but now the main thing is the cold war.. how should i resolve this war.. she didnt msg me at all for 1 day and i am feeling rather terrible here. i dont know about her.. i personally dont think i am controlling it much.. is this a bad thing?
Author:  the reporter [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
should i just set a date.. and tell her if by this date u are still not over the ex. im gonna leave you. would this be appropriate?
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Psych3r is completely right. Power is not control.

And right now, you have neither.

Your insecurity is coming across desperate and needy. You need to demonstrate that you actually are not these things. I'm not sure about your situation 100% from your short posts, but the words "I'm sorry" may be a little strong, and put you in an even worse situation.

I would tell her that you've rethought the whole thing, and if she wants to go back to her ex, then that's fine. She shouldn't be wasting her time with you. If she wants you, then she needs to spend time with you. You are not a booty call that can be expected to answer to her whim.

Don't force her to choose between the two of you, just let her know she has the final say, but she should SAY something, rather than just playing you like this.

In other words, don't set a date for her to choose between you. That's SO AFC. Choose a date, and say "hey, baby, we're getting together at this time, and we're going to have an AWESOME time."
Author:  camus154 [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Personally, I'd end things the moment there was any hint she wasn't over an ex. It's one thing to have some residual baggage or general issues from a past relationship, but quite another if she's confused about any lingering emotional attachment, which seems to be the case here. I know life isn't always that black and white or that it couldn't work out, but why invest time and energy in a woman who is already confused?

I feel that if a woman actually tells you she's conflicted about an ex and asks for "time" for her to figure it out, she's essentially giving you a very clear chance to break up with her. Maybe she doesn't have the nerve to do it herself or maybe she's just truly confused and can't decide, but she's giving you everything YOU need to make that decision for her. A woman who was *really* interested in you wouldn't come close to giving you that opportunity.

If you really dig her and want to continue dating, I'd suggest doing so from a more detached standpoint. Don't stress when/if she texts you, become a hell of a lot less available, and try reframing your relationship with her as just one of possibly many women you may want to date.
Author:  Psych3r [ Thu Jul 14, 2011 9:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I feel that if a woman actually tells you she's conflicted about an ex and asks for "time" for her to figure it out, she's essentially giving you a very clear chance to break up with her. Maybe she doesn't have the nerve to do it herself or maybe she's just truly confused and can't decide, but she's giving you everything YOU need to make that decision for her. A woman who was *really* interested in you wouldn't come close to giving you that opportunity.

If you really dig her and want to continue dating, I'd suggest doing so from a more detached standpoint. Don't stress when/if she texts you, become a hell of a lot less available, and try reframing your relationship with her as just one of possibly many women you may want to date.
bullseye. If a girl is telling you she is thinking about an ex, create some distance and let her figure it out.
Author:  the reporter [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:18 am ]
Post subject: 
so i should just let her settle it herself? give more space and dun bother about her?
what about texting and all? i ask her for a meetup she told me she will do a meet up when she's ready.. what does that mean? im getting so mind fugged.
Author:  Chief [ Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:25 am ]
Post subject: 
EDIT: I made a mistake!
Author:  the reporter [ Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:04 am ]
Post subject: 
any ideas???
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Sat Jul 16, 2011 4:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sounds to me that she HAS made her decision and is too non-confrontational to let you know. Some girls just send you hints so that they aren't "rude" and expect you to pick up on them, which is actually ruder. You're done here, so go find a better girl. She clearly doesn't want you nor has respect for you. This may sometime down the road change, but don't be the idiot that waits for it. ;)

Happy hunting!
Author:  Psych3r [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
any ideas???
Yeah, put her out of your mind and go fuck 10 other girls.

Have fun and be awesome. That way if she ever does look back she can kick herself for choosing meh over awesomesauce. Then and only then will she consider working it out with you. Or at least letting you fuck her on the side. Sometimes that's all ya get, but at least it's win/win.
Author:  Wal [ Mon Jul 18, 2011 11:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
choosing meh over awesomesauce
Life's greatest lesson: learning to separate the awesomesauce from the meh.

Oldest trick in the book (The Book?). :)
http://bible.cc/luke/3-17.htm:lol:

Seriously, reporter, don't delete your original posts... it makes it hard to help.
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