The Background
I've been with this girl, exclusively, for about 1.5 years. Things are still exciting for both of us, which is odd, because all my previous relationships got pretty boring after a few months... in any case, we click well, and we both agree we are ready to move in together, come hell or high water. To the death of me.
My idea was to move to a city about 2-3 hours away, and at first she accepted. It was a good plan--I wanted to move to this particular city to boost my band's exposure and just generally try something new, and she just graduated college and always talked about moving away from our current city to see more of the world. A move to a city a few hours away works in both ways, in that it gives me a better shot with my career goals, and it gives her a chance to explore without getting too far away from the family.
The Issue
She was, initially, very excited about this plan. A few weeks pass by, and all of the sudden, she begins to have doubts. We talk about it and she calms down. We go another week without any issues. Then, I get another bit of resistance, seemingly out of nowhere. We talk again, she calms down again, and we go five days. Repeat. Three days. Repeat.
This brings us to the present. These episodes of doubt about the plan are becoming more explosive, enough that I actually had to leave her at the bar one night with her friends because I couldn't handle any more of it. We are down to every couple days, if that, where she has some new problem that just occurred to her that means she can't come live with me.
The complaints I haven't been able to address adequately are that she does not feel involved in the decision making process, that she is coming along on my ride of fulfilling MY goals, and that she is just following me around. I don't really know how to address that, though, because as far as I can tell she has no alternative plan.
I'm lost here. I see the huge red flags. It is obvious to me that she does not want this, but she will not actually provide any alternative when we talk about it. I understand what it is like to finally graduate from college and be financially responsible for yourself for the first time, and be scared of that. I also know the fear of being totally free to do whatever and go wherever, that fear of impending failure, but I don't know how to handle this. It seems as though, when we discuss it, she either simply agrees with me in order to end the discussion, or she is so indecisive that all it takes is one slight nudge to convince her.
At this point I've stopped discussing it with her when she brings it up, just because I don't want every day to be an exercise in, "Convince someone else that this is a good plan." I just say, "You have to decide what you want to do. I have told you what I want. What do you want?" Do you guys have any ideas? What am I missing?
