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| How to avoid becoming an "emotional tampon" https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=88420 |
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| Author: | vestrideus [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | How to avoid becoming an "emotional tampon" |
I was wondering how not to end up as an emotional tampon in an LTR; like, i know there are times when you have to maintain comfort and trust and pursue that deeper rapport (since i'm going for an LTR). However, when should you pull back to prevent yourself from being just an emotional tampon? And also, in terms of when do you think it's appropriate to start talking about emotions/slight problems stuff like that (i know after a full close) but, say, how often is alright and not becoming like a shrink? Yeah, i know you have to deal with that kinda stuff in an LTR otherwise there's no rapport or emotional foundation for that. And of course, unless you want to be friend-zoned, never become an emotional pillow for someone when you're single/ I heard some quote thing once about how “when women want to talk about something, they don’t actually want any advice or comments per se – they only want someone who they can talk with to understand how they’re feeling”. So having an emotional connection is essential, and being there when she needs you most is probably necessary in any LTR. Juggler wrote this in his book: Quote: When a woman tells you her problems she doesn't really want you to fix them. Memorize this phrase; "I have confidence in you that you will be able to take care of this yourself."
So yeah, of course, if I ask my girlfriend if anything is wrong, and something is wrong, I’ll first listen and try to empathize. (maybe bring up some parallels that happened to me before – but not bitch about it; more like, “yeah, I totally understand how you feel, because I totally had the same thing happen before blah blah…” then let her talk more about it). I’ll set aside for a bit the fun/playful vibe as to create a stronger empathetic connection for the first bit after she talks about it. After that, it’s all about calibrating (is it something big or just something minor) when I bring back a more positive emotional vibe (not to consciously cheer her up, but happiness is infectious ). Yet how often/how far should I go each time? or is it simply a matter of calibration? Because i don't want to become an emotional tampon; at the same time, I don't want to seem apathetic or a shallow playboy. (keep in mind this is for LTRs) Also, I'll never purposely bring negative vibes up, unlike some needy/jealous/possesive AFC's. Personally, i sort of use something like a punishment/reward system where you basically reward good behavior with hugs and positive body language, and unfavourable behavior with negative body language and withdrawing a bit. Basically, this subconciously lets her see how you react, and prevents from needy/high maintenance girls from always clamouring for attention . For instance, most AFC's will pay more attention if their girlfriend starts bitching all the time, and this only reinforces her to bitch more to gain attention. I guess what i'm saying is when I listen, i try to maintain a neutral body language system, then when she starts cheering up, I reward with positive body language; that way, I don't encourage constant attention-bitching. |
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| Author: | Anon7022 [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
This is a very good question. Something I've also been wondering about slightly. The way I would go about it is similar to what you have said. Since you are in LTR you definitely don't want to ignore it completely because she wants to know you are someone she can trust and turn to. I would only talk with her to the point where you are actually giving good advice and it is worth while. I wouldn't let her just keep talking and talking, complaining and thinking you will waste your time sitting there. Make the advice short and to the point. Realize that what she is going through is tough but at the same time it is not your problem. You are not going to let her problems consume you and take your time. Good Luck |
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