PUA Forum :: The strangest feeling, so irrational, am I crazy?

Quote:

sometimes she gets off earlier than me (more often than not).

That's what she said!

Excuse me...
Her personal safety when drunk is of concern, but the rest of it is irrelevant. (I realize you understand that from the tone of your post). Ignore it. A little jealousy is natural and, most girls think, cute; too much is blantantly insecure. You've already said too much when you told her to not tell you about it.

You can't police this. Two things:

1. Do you think someone will magically get her to sleep with him because she is drunk?
2. Would you feel positive about the relationship if your girl was this insecure about you having chick drinking buddies?

If your answer was yes to either of those questions, you're in trouble.

Author:	phaseshift [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:31 am ]
Post subject:	The strangest feeling, so irrational, am I crazy?
So I have been dating this girl for almost 6 months now. She likes to drink, and I do not nearly as much. My job requires me to work a ton of OT, and sometimes she gets off earlier than me (more often than not). And so she hangs out with her friends. Thing is: 1) She has a bunch of male drinking friends, and due to the nature of things, she hangs out with only one friend at a time, (hard to organize more than one). 2) she gets pretty drunk Now, i feel uncomfortable whenever she does this, so I've told her that if she does do this in the future (drink one on one with a guy friend, and gets drunk), that she does not tell me (cuz for some reason I feel extremely uncomfortable when it happens), and only should tell me if she needs me to pick her up. Why is it i feel so uncomfortable when this happens? I mean, i know the guy is just a good friend, and she tells me that he liked her at one point but doesn't anymore. Is it jealously I feel? and how should I approach things? I just really dislike it when she drinks with her male friends, and its always 1 on 1. Help please. Thanks!!!

Author:	Wal [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:21 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: sometimes she gets off earlier than me (more often than not). That's what she said! Excuse me... Her personal safety when drunk is of concern, but the rest of it is irrelevant. (I realize you understand that from the tone of your post). Ignore it. A little jealousy is natural and, most girls think, cute; too much is blantantly insecure. You've already said too much when you told her to not tell you about it. You can't police this. Two things: 1. Do you think someone will magically get her to sleep with him because she is drunk? 2. Would you feel positive about the relationship if your girl was this insecure about you having chick drinking buddies? If your answer was yes to either of those questions, you're in trouble.

Author:	phaseshift [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:
While the answer to ur question is no, the answer to ur2nd one is I don't know...because I have never tried to. What I do know is that this 2nd question is something I have brought up before indirectly n she mentioned that she thinks she wont be comfortable about it. So I think she knows that I feel uncomfortable about it. To make things worse she texts me saying how much she enjoyed herself. So I guess it feels bad because it seems one sided...how should I get myself to think to get over this?

Author:	PUASA [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:45 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: sometimes she gets off earlier than me (more often than not). That's what she said! Excuse me... Her personal safety when drunk is of concern, but the rest of it is irrelevant. (I realize you understand that from the tone of your post). Ignore it. A little jealousy is natural and, most girls think, cute; too much is blantantly insecure. You've already said too much when you told her to not tell you about it. You can't police this. Two things: 1. Do you think someone will magically get her to sleep with him because she is drunk? 2. Would you feel positive about the relationship if your girl was this insecure about you having chick drinking buddies? If your answer was yes to either of those questions, you're in trouble. Ihave a similar fear about the girl that I'm with. We're in an open relationship though and although I'm ok with her hooking up with other guys, I cant STAND the thought of one of those guys being a friend of mine or someone I know!

Author:	poet1234 [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:13 pm ]
Post subject:
People who drink too much are usually easy influenced. They also respond to value more than others. That's not when she's drunk, that's her character all the time. It is not unusual for someone to have trusting issues when his gf is drinking on a constant basis. I don't know about you but the people I appreciate(both girls and naturals) don't need drinks to feel good about themselves. Quote: so I've told her that if she does do this in the future (drink one on one with a guy friend, and gets drunk), that she does not tell me Your mind only wants to see the good in her, and refuses to see the reality. Would you change for her ? Would she change for you ? And it's not a change in character, but a change in actions we're talking about. Try talking to her.... I don't know what advice to give you(I mean....I do...but it's gonna be ignored unless you see things from my perspective)

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Author:	phaseshift [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:21 am ]
Post subject:
sorry poet, can you please proceed and tell me what you think, I am all ears.

Author:	poet1234 [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 12:28 pm ]
Post subject:
What I'm trying to say...is this relationship may not be for you. Try to be open minded for me on this one... Quote: She likes to drink, and I do not nearly as much. It is better to keep a light investment before you know a person in a relationship. You don't have to be a psychologist, I'm just saying you have to know her at least on a surface basis, that and certain social awareness which you gain through past experience and books, should be main factors when starting to invest in a relationship(for example, most afc jump on the first girl that would fuck them, ignoring everything else around them). Now...you may not have noticed some things, certain things you could be blinded to see initially. Happens to us all. That's why it's good to keep an open perspective in a fresh relationship such as yours. You can talk to her, but she will probably not change. If she wants to change, she cares a lot about the relationship. If she does not well it's your choice whether you will continue to be uncomfortable every time she goes out or find some girl who just doesn't drink that much. Some people are gonna say you're creating your own suffering. While I understand their point of view , I cannot really agree, because I know I wouldn't like to hang out with such a girl. I once dated a girl who drank a lot. So I went out one day with this friend of mine, a popular guy in town, the kind of guy who knew everybody. When I told him my gf's name, the first thing he said is "i know her, she drinks a lot". Can you imagine how i felt ?

Author:	MrLe [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:05 pm ]
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You're not crazy, I know where you are coming from. I had the same issue in the past. I wasn't able to make her understand she was drinking too much, she was getting literally fucked up, and drinking until she passed out. That's ugly, I can't deal with that anymore, If a girl can't control her addiction this is bad... Next ! On top of that, I don't trust other dude if I'm not here to take care of my drunk GF. Have core values, a women with addiction(s) is something I don't tolerate anymore. It has too many side effects on me. She need to fix her issues. You are hiding the problem by asking her not to tell you. The issue is her drinking problem, talk with her about that. Can you stay with a girl that drink too much ? Why is she drinking so much ? On top of the trust things she will age faster, and it's not healthy for you. Think about it... If you love her, you should help her to fix that. On the long run she will appreciate your help. Good luck.

Author:	bvanevery [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The strangest feeling, so irrational, am I crazy?
Quote: Why is it i feel so uncomfortable when this happens? 'Cuz she has a high probability of screwing around with someone when her inhibitions are lowered, and you are not an idiot. Really, what do you expect? The woman has low self-esteem, so she drinks. She drinks to avoid whatever she doesn't want to face about herself, and that can include her sexuality. Any man who can make her feel better about herself while she's drunk stands a reasonable chance of getting laid. Can't tell you what to do about it, but I can tell you to face the truth about the circumstances. I'd never put up with a heavy drinker, personally.

Author:	Wal [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:
It appears there are varying levels of sympathy regarding your situation, phaseshift... everything from reasonable doubt to manic paranoia. What are you going to do? How about this... If, after a few days' reflection about the nature of this dilemma, you can't handle the idea your girlfriend having male drinking buddies, bail on the relationship. Then, find a girl who doesn't have male friends and/or doesn't socialize. Then again, that's a delusional and extreme knee-jerk reaction, in my opinion. It is a last resort for something that is all in your head, if you will.

Author:	MrLe [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Wal, there is a difference between having some male buddy drinking ( that's fine ) and getting very drunk with a dude that use to hit on her ( not good ). don't you think ?

Author:	Wal [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 6:29 pm ]
Post subject:
MrLe, 1) Do you have any female friends who you gained as friends because they liked you--and you two became "just friends" because you had no romantic interest in them? And, if so, 2) would you sleep with them (friends for whom you have no romantic interest) if you were committed to a monogamous relationship? For me, the answers are 1) yes, and 2) no. I'm a proponent of this idea because, whether valid or invalid in this particular case, it is the only way OP gets to be calm about this whole thing, not overthink the issues at hand, and not stick his foot in his mouth by saying something silly out of sheer jealousy.

Author:	AFCmack [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:
even if its a little insecure to worry about her drinking with dudes its bothering phaseshift so id pull her up on it straightup in a calm controled "you should know i dont trust your creepy guy mates yet and drinking with them" or whatever in your own words, plus if she can tell he dosent like it but can pickup hes too wussy to say anything or trying to act cool she will lose respect for him and that can be deadly to a relationship even if she has ZERO interest in the guys. perhaps another thing is to look to see what her close friends are like are they loyal or are they slutty if theyre cheaters then it will make it easier for her to justify aswell. The feeling you have is probably because you dont feel in control of the situation and its currently forcing you to act in a way that isnt congruent to how you feel so your trying to turn a blind eye praying 'its not happening'. This situation is exactly what my housemate went through he rolled up to the pub when she was drinking with a guy mate who used to like her ,picked her up and she probably thought she was coming to his house but he told her his disaproval then dropped her off to her house and fcked off home, he pretty much had to train this girl from scratch like training a dog reward and punish so there was a few nights where a bit of dog training went on...theyre still together 4years later and happy together.

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