Hi,
I don't have enough posts to make a topic of my own, so I wanted to know if i could post my issue here for the people to analyze and hopefully help me with?
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| Girlfriend and her guy friends https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=86235 |
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| Author: | Grindhouse [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Girlfriend and her guy friends |
Well I may just be paranoid, but my girl used to hook up with her one guy-friend up until about the beginning of January, same time I ditched my fuck buddy as well and starting getting serious with this current girl. Thing is, she still hangs out with this dude and was telling me how she was with 3 of her guy friends all cuddling and hanging out and I just jokingly go "orgy?" and she gets kind of defensive and goes "NO! we were just on *guyfriend's* laptop!" all the time she'll just bring up stories about one of these guys..and it doesn't help the paranoia that when I went down on her the other night (right after we became an official LTR) I got a hair in my mouth..a dark head-hair. Now she has long dark hair, I have shaggy dark hair, but I dunno...I trust her completely now that we're together, I just really want to know if she had hooked up with anyone while we were just in the going on dates and hooking up stage. But I know asking would be AFC although I was going to phrase it as "so...just to let you know...I had been seeing hundreds of girls before we became a real couple...how about you?" or I'm crazy and shouldn't say anything. I have a tendency to overthink. |
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| Author: | Roz [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 6:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Girlfriend and her guy friends |
Quote: I trust her completely now that we're together, I just really want to know if she had hooked up with anyone while we were just in the going on dates and hooking up stage.
Why does it even matter who she hooked up with before you two became serious? You say you trust her completely now ... so, stay in the now. Focus on the now, and just enjoy it.-Roz |
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| Author: | Grindhouse [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 6:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Girlfriend and her guy friends |
Quote: Quote: I trust her completely now that we're together, I just really want to know if she had hooked up with anyone while we were just in the going on dates and hooking up stage.
Why does it even matter who she hooked up with before you two became serious? You say you trust her completely now ... so, stay in the now. Focus on the now, and just enjoy it.-Roz ...yup. it's definitely all in my head. |
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| Author: | Wal [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Girlfriend and her guy friends |
Quote: she thinks one slip-up mistake "cheating" just once is forgivable...
Whoa! Do you think it is forgivable? If you don't you need to make it clear that if this happens you'll walk. Anyway... I agree with Roz's assessment. You can't hold her accountable for her fidelity when you're not exclusive yet. |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Everyone's made some good points on fideity. But I would NOT trust this chicc! It cannot be as simple as Roz or any other poster saying to just trust her! Maybe there's more details to this we're not getting. But trust should come with time-as time passes. You dont meet someone today and trust them tomorrow. You should not meet a girl today then trust her 4 months down the line. She would've still been a stranger 4 months in the relationship. We dont even know how long Grindhouse's LTR has been going. So it's premature for anyone to trust another withing a 4 months span[if that's how long the LTR's been]. Trust or mis-trusting reveals itself as you get to know someone. I'v been with my MILF gf(or ex gf)for 2 years and 2 months now. That's sufficient time for me to know her on every level and what she's capable of. You cannot be with a girl for 2 months then trust her,when you dont know here yet! The strange-pubic hair scenario would have me thinking!! In fact,as I re-browse your post,you've only been with this girl since January!! What are you doing bro'!!? You do not know this person!! Im shocked at Roz for advising you to trust this girl who you've only been with for not even 2 months!! Hell yea she's still banging her guy friend!! Why would'nt she? She has no true obligations to you since she doesnt know you. One could know another for 10 years prior. But enter an LTR with that same person you've known for 10 years,and you'd be amazed on how different he/she is. LTR is a different ball game than friendship. Dont trust this girl;you'd be a fool to. And Im disappointed at Roz for her advise. Perhaps she missed the part about only getting with the girl since January. |
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| Author: | Roz [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 9:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote:
And Im disappointed at Roz for her advise.
Hey! Correct me if I'm wrong, but the OP said he found the hair when he went down on her RIGHT AFTER they became "official" :Perhaps she missed the part about only getting with the girl since January. Quote: when I went down on her the other night (right after we became an official LTR)
Meaning? Meaning that if she did fool around with another guy, even 5 minutes beforehand (which by the way I find to be a ridiculous assumption based on a piece of hair) then she still would not have been "in the wrong", seeing as they were not together. In any case, I don't believe I used the word "trust" at all in my response.. I did however refer to him saying that he trusts his girlfriend now, and what I said was to concentrate on what is right now; why should he be worried about who she hooked up with before she got with him? However, I do happen to be the type of person that trusts people right off the bat.. I do give people the benefit of the doubt. Always. It's also worth mentioning that you have a jealousy issue here Grindhouse. This has nothing to do with her, and her actions, her past actions, the guy friends she hangs out with, or even that silly hair you found. This has everything to do with you- how secure are you in yourself? You feel threatened by the other guys in her life, and the guys from her past; why? If you saw yourself as a man of value, you wouldn't be worried/paranoid about this sort of thing. It's because deep inside you deem yourself inadequate that you feel this way... and so you will always find reasons to not trust women. You will always find a piece of hair as "evidence" of their deceit... always always, until you fix this problem with YOURSELF. I've seen too many relationships go down because people don't give each other the benefit of the doubt; they consume themselves with worries like "oh! What if she leaves me for him! What if she's cheating on me RIGHT NOW?"... and it's these exact fears and INSECURITIES that drive the other person away. -Roz |
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| Author: | Wal [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
k-loc, I appreciate your point of view but nobody said he should blindly trust her. My point was that the OP had fildelity concerns of a time frame during which he was not exclusive with the girl. So let me be more explicit: Quote: I just really want to know if she had hooked up with anyone while we were just in the going on dates and hooking up stage.
This is irrelevant.Does that make sense? |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 11:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
@Roz-Thanks for the clarification. True,the OP did find the hair prior to being official. In fact,I dont mean to be a rhetorical asshole here,but I dont believe the OP meant he literally fount the hair 5 min.before being exclusive. He obviously meant they were already official days or weeks prior;not minutes. And that goes back to 1 of my elusive point:when 1st becoming exclusive with someone,it should be common sense to believe that he/she still maybe sleeping with their ex,or whoever they were banging prior. After a while,that person may become exclusive and only sleep with his/her spouse. That time hasnt elapsed yet with the OP & his gf. His gf is most likely still banging another guy despite her saying she's in a new LTR. No judging from my case,but when I 1st got with my gf,she was still banging her ex while being semi-exclusive with me. I expected that,and I was still banging my fuck buddies up until 2-3 months after being exclusive. It could most likely be the case with the OP's gf. I get your point also about not dwelling on the person's past. But it's natural to guess & wonder. If I find out that my gf used to bng my father,brother,or was a hooker-she'd be dumped in a heart beat. Maybe harsh but it's only natural to ponder. Grindhouses' jealousy issues is quite normal here. If my gf had(many)male friends-I'd be a bit leery too & perhaps insecure. I'd have trust issues also. Especially with a girl you dont know. So I think it's quite normal for any guy to feel funny about his gf having guy friends. @Wal-Good point-one should not have fidelity issues over the past. You're right about the OP wanting to know if his gf was sleeping with others while they were just dating. But guys(Roz & Wal),let's be honest:ppl just dont drop other in heart beat of meeting another. Example-my point of view:girl meets new guy. Girls still banging about 2 other guys. Girl gets exclusive in an LTR with new guy and starts sleeping with him. Girl still enjoys being laid by her ex or male-fuck buddie,thus she withholds having a(new)bf from her 2 fuck buddies. It's becoming obvious that girl has secret bf,so she reveals it to her 2 fb's. Remind you,this' a month in her new LTR. That's the way it goes. No one meets a new person then totally shuts down her fb's in 1 day of being exclusive. So Grindhouse shouldn't be fooling himself. |
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| Author: | Mr_Amazing [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 9:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
k-loc is right. No one is gonna just drop the fuck buddy overnight. there`s still gonna be that week and a half grace period. On another note: what the hell is with you dudes and eating pussy before fucking? It must be you young guys doing that...Personally, I ain`t going down there before hitting it. I gotta put some milage on her before the tune up. lol |
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| Author: | poet1234 [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 10:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I just really want to know if she had hooked up with anyone while we were just in the going on dates and hooking up stage
You want to know? Well, this ain't no oracle. Nor are we some supernatural gurus, so we can tell from the cues you give us.Think about this for a second...if somebody told you "trust her" or "dump her", you would quickly realize that person doesn't know shit about what happened. But I can give you some pointers... Quote: my girl used to hook up with her one guy-friend
Quote: she still hangs out with this dude
From my limited experience, transitions from fuck buddy to friends do not exist.
Quote: Now she has long dark hair, I have shaggy dark hair, but I dunno
Well,if you posted this on forum and it's not just a random impression...I guess it was her dog right ?
Quote: I was going to phrase it as "so...just to let you know...I had been seeing hundreds of girls before we became a real couple...how about you?"
No.
Quote: what the hell is with you dudes and eating pussy before fucking?
That must be too much porn.
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 4:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
@Mr.Amazing-Lol,basically,you took the words out of my mouth;grcae period. Exactly where I was getting at. No one just drop the ppl they're banging over night. They will most likely continue banging until some weeks or even 1 month or so goes by. That time has barely came yet with the original poster's gf. You cannot be with a girl/guy for less than a month and believe that she's exclusive-no matter what she says. She cannot be trusted-especially if she admits to laying with guys but she doesnt sleep with them. Lmao @ Mr.Amazing not going down first. I usually go down first(lol),but that's another issue. @Poet1234-Lol,yea we're no psychics here. Only Grindhouse would have the true sense of this girl. So true about ppl not transitioning from fb's to friends. So it'd be real crazy for anyone to think that a girl's gonna remain strictly friends with an fb who she still hangs out with. So Grindhouse has rational concerns here. Dog hair!!? That was a low blow Poet. |
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| Author: | Grindhouse [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 4:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
so...I learned something when I was with her last night. She told me the ENTIRE story of the guy friend cause she asked about my last fuck buddy from early January a couple days before her. She had ended things with this guy a good month ago (and as for the grace period, they hooked up one more time a week later...same time I hooked up with this girl for the first time and same time I hooked up with my fuck buddy for the last time), they are JUST friends now cause he "gave her whiplash and acted like the biggest girl" so honestly...as I figured, I was completely unfounded in everything I thought and as Roz pointed out, I do need to keep my jealousy in check, but I do attempt to keep it under control. I don't get angry (rarely get angry at anything, just let it slide off or confront it...i used to be that passive-aggressive bitch), when she tells me about her guy friends and everything I don't care to be honest cause she's mine, and...well...she told me she hadn't been with anyone else while we were seeing each other. Now, I've known her since October, not a particularly long time but I believe her, although to be honest, I could care less whether she did or didn't after seeing her last night. Roz is right entirely, she's mine now, I'm a man and none of those boys she runs with can compare. I used to be very jealous in high school but I realize she's with me cause she chooses to be with me and no one else, I DO give her the benefit of the doubt and honestly the hair thing was a VERY stupid thing to be hung up on in retrospect. Anything I missed? Thanks for the advice though everyone. |
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| Author: | Wal [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 6:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Cheers! And props for handling this like a man after all. |
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| Author: | Grindhouse [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 6:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Cheers! And props for handling this like a man after all.
Thanks man cause she's an amazing girl and I don't want to ruin it cause I'm a jealous AFC. She told me she likes me cause she's always happy when she's around me and I'm just "very cool" and she didn't want to let that get away. So...yeah...disregard my first post. Screw my inner AFC, he can STFU.
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| Author: | IamGuru [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hi, I don't have enough posts to make a topic of my own, so I wanted to know if i could post my issue here for the people to analyze and hopefully help me with?
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