PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Urgent help - did I screw up?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=85373		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  fearless123 [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 7:52 am ]
Post subject:  Urgent help - did I screw up?
I went out with this girl I have been tlaking to for a few weeks tonight. We held hands and kissed (that's all we've ever done) and tonight she told me out of the blue she doesn't want a relationship. I found this odd because it was so random and I know she has feelings for me which I told her she did lol (and she agreed) and I told her I do too. I don't understand why she would say this so I challenged her and she told me she has no confidence in her self and doesn't want one and just wants to be friends.

I told her well if you like me why do you have to analyze the relationship? We enjoy spending time together and we like eachother why can't we just continue what we've been doing and she said I don't want to lead you on.

After that I drove her home, on the way home she held my hand. I told her again I don't understand where she is coming from. She told me she wants to hang out next week. I told her if it is as strictly platonic friends I'm not interested and she was like I don't know. When I got to her house I said well what if I was to kiss you the next time were together would you? She seemed unsure. I said well ok I'll kiss you now and she said thats it I'm leaving now to prove a point and gave me a hug and left. I was visibly upset but didn't say anything. I just drove away.

She had told me that it was all or nothing, so clearly she wants nothing even though we both like eachother. I know I have oneitis but I like her. Did I mess up?

I really care about this girl and if she is true in saying she has feelings for me why won't she go with the flow as opposed to analyzing the situation? I want to spend time with her romantically and if she has feelings for me what can I do to assure that happens again?



Where can I go from here?
Author:  Mr Leek [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Forget about her. She aint the only pebble on the beach you know.
Author:  cedius [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I said well ok I'll kiss you now and she said thats it I'm leaving now to prove a point and gave me a hug and left. I was visibly upset but didn't say anything. I just drove away.
Way too needy! You have a very slim chance in trying to make this work...you best bet is start over with someone else. Forcing her to do something that she doesn't want is one thing, you can try playing the "I don't give a shit either" card and that may turn the tables for you...but you getting mad at her because she won't comply...that just sets you back even further.

She seems to be interested if she wants to see you again later in the week, but you trying so hard to seal the deal, not good. Perhaps she really justs wants to be friends...if you can't handle that, let her go.
Author:  fearless123 [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:59 am ]
Post subject: 
She clearly has issues with herself. I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship and but I wanted to know where you stand. I'm upset because I invested a lot in this girl, time and money and it pisses me off she has these issues. I told her she was taking things too fast by telling me she doesn't want a relationship. I guess she rather suppress her feelings. I was simply trying to show her she should live in the moment and do what felt right at that time. I was the sweetest guy to her throughout. There has to be a way I can salvage this. Should I contact her and apologize or wait to see if she reaches to me ?
Author:  bigdog225 [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 1:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She clearly has issues with herself. I told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship and but I wanted to know where you stand. I'm upset because I invested a lot in this girl, time and money and it pisses me off she has these issues. I told her she was taking things too fast by telling me she doesn't want a relationship. I guess she rather suppress her feelings. I was simply trying to show her she should live in the moment and do what felt right at that time. I was the sweetest guy to her throughout. There has to be a way I can salvage this. Should I contact her and apologize or wait to see if she reaches to me ?
If I were in your feet. I would not apologize to her, I'd play it cool, and then meet up with her the next week, maybe she really does not want a relationship, and she let her feeling lead her too far. Maybe you can be her FB dude. Either way man, relax, and take it easy, and don't overreact like you did. Don't reach so hard for an outcome like you did, there's a difference between reaching and leading, and when you start reaching you become needy. Anyways good luck man, and keep us posted.
:wink:
Author:  poet1234 [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Since I am very bored tonight,I will micro analyze everything like a geek :
Quote:
We held hands and kissed (that's all we've ever done)
That's what 14 years do.Now,assuming you're not 14,you probably wanted more but you were forced in a "should not escalate/will not escalate" kind of pattern.Now you can see what happens when you repress your instinct.
Quote:
and tonight she told me out of the blue she doesn't want a relationship
Out of the blue ? It's never out of the blue mate.I don't want you to become depressed or anything,but look closer at your behavior patterns during the last month.
Quote:
I found this odd because it was so random and I know she has feelings for me which I told her she did lol (and she agreed) and I told her I do too.
Yes,that's why I cannot really blame the girl.In the first weeks,their major bad behaviors(ego based) should be quite hidden if they exist.So in your case,I wouldn't put the blame on somebody else.
Quote:
I told her well if you like me why do you have to analyze the relationship?
That's what you should be asking yourself
Quote:
she said I don't want to lead you on.
If I understand correctly,she was mostly put in a position of lead which she dislikes,because a man should have that position.A man who is overly needy cannot hold that position.
Author:  fearless123 [ Sun Feb 13, 2011 2:18 am ]
Post subject: 
She just texted me saying she may be able to better explain herself now that she more comfortable around me

I told her Ok and she said she deserved the reaction that she got

I told her I didn't follow her and then mentioned if you still want to have some omre good times than we can.

She said ok but I always worry so I told her to relax and if shes that worried to explain in which she said no it's ok
Author:  fearless123 [ Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Does the fact she texted me mean anything? I'm afraid as to what to respond because I don't want to appear to needy.

We had made plans for Tuesday before any of this happened should I ask her if we're still good for tuesday?
Author:  cedius [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 9:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
She is texting you because she wants you...but you appearing needy will not keep her around much longer.

Regarding tue...just ask...you will anyways...just do it in a subtle manner.

"Hey...are we still on for Tue" and wait for a response...no response...do you own thing...you don't need her to complete your life...your life should be complete without her...if it's not...you have work to do my friend!
Author:  fearless123 [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 3:46 am ]
Post subject: 
UPDATE...

You're right Cedius she did want me. Over the weekend I did F Close her.

Now I'm in a bit of a funny situation. I really like this girl... pretty bad oneitis still. I know she has at least some feelings for me but continues to insist that she sees me as just a friend!!!! It is so irritating. I know she doesn't sleep with all of her friends lol. She told me, and it seemed sincere that she loves to be held by only me, that she can lay with me forever, and shows me so much affection. However, she insists she can't be in a relationship because she can't take care of herself and that she sees me as a friend.


I can't be in the friend zone if she has a sexually romantic relationship with me. I am honestly beginning to think that this girl is simply disfunctional mentally or was so seriously hurt in a previous relationship she wants to take things slow.


Since the weekend I have contacted her probably less frequently than usual and haven't made any plans to see her again because I am afraid I will come on too strong and scare her off.


Has anyone been in a similar situation or could give me advice on how to make a girl realize she needs to take a chance with me or simply fall deeper for me?
Thanks
Author:  IamGuru [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 2:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Here's the thing, and don't feel bad, i also had to learn this the hard way. You can't make her feel or realize anything, you can't change her and you shouldn't want to. I believe, and this is my opinion, that you are inlove with the thought of having her to yourself. You might truely love her, but i think the majority of your emotions are being government by your insecurities(please don't take offense, this is only my opinion). She doesn't want a relationship? SO WHAT! Move on. The fact that you're clinging to the idea of having her as a girl friend is only giving her negative signals. You're showing her that you're needy, insecure( because you need recognition of her love for you), that you're obsessive because you can't let the fact go that she doesn't want a relationship with you.
I really liked this "Forget about her. She aint the only pebble on the beach you know." And, i think you should apply it to your life, thats the only way I think you'll be keeping her. Ofc, taking something to the extreme is never good, keep the balance. And maybe try build her up for a while, treat her, compliment her. I'm not saying become a bank, just make her feel special. Listen to her. Thats very important.
Just don't try control her. Thats crutiall, you can't make her love you, miss you, need you, want you or make her wear pink panties. Deal with it.
And, if she can't do the things you expect her to do,analyze yourself, are you being reasonable? If you are, then maybe she isn't the 'one', and move on.
Author:  fearless123 [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Guru, THANK YOU!


You're exactly right. I got out of a four year relationship about 4 months ago and I miss this girl like crazy and to be honest I am personally not even ready for a serious relationship.(And I will admit that this girl doesn't seem stable enough to be a good prospect for one anyway) It is as if I am desperate for validation despite my feelings for this girl (the subject of my posts). Besides, I have a girl here who wants nothing more from me than to be my friend, hang out once a week, and screw around on the side. It's not that bad......


I just need to relax, go with the flow and whatever happens happens as opposed to forcing an outcome and putting pressure to push things to another level. If it is meant to happen it will happen organically by me being myself and us being comfortable with eachother.

Thank you, I was afraid that was the truth but couldn't come to grips with it. I'm beginning to get it. I didn't even know what I wanted

:shock:
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/