Erasmus exchange student programme

Me and her, different nationalities, in another foreign country for both of us

She arrives, she meets me, she has few friends (she's new, i had a BUNCH of friends).

She likes me, 100% clear. 2 weeks with couple of dates. we end up in bed having sex.
all good, more sex later. not so much because of logistic reasons.

She's really into me. Really really.

After say 1 month it changes. She's more distant. She's more the "friend". Less contact, but always saying YES when i want to see her. Still we spend all time, but more as the "friends".

I didn't do any different. I have a lot of friends. I'm high status over there, in special master program, have a study grant, a lot of DHV. A bunch. I came a bit insecure since i observed the situation changing. But not too much. I didn't check up too much on her. She went out alone sometimes with friends.

How can she loose attraction to me SO quick?

She's not the type to fuck all dudes around, i know that. She takes always pretty much time to get to know the dude first and she's like kind of choosy for a BF i observed.

However, it was clear i wanted her as my girlfriend. While she wasn't really into that i saw.

She just wanted to hang around with me as friends? But why then was there attraction first and it went away all of a sudden??

Don't get it.

Thanks guys.

Probably too needy for her.

But actually, i only went a bid needy when i felt the situation was changing.

But the very start of her behavior changing was before that. I just don't get it.

I mean, after months, yes. But so quick?

We didn't had too much sex, that really went down. She didn't initiated anymore too, but we had major logistic problems.

Chelios: this is all to be framed in the same story - you know - she's my "ex" from now. Saying "LJBF" " i like hanging out with you" and "i feel i'm not in love with you" and the "i don't care about him" behind my back to a girlfriend of her (from her homecountry) over facebook. Also "after this year we probably don't meet again"

But WTF WHY WHERE YOU SO IN TO ME IN THE BEGINNING THAN??? Can you really lose all interest in a dude so fucking quick? She just wants to have fun? But why she would just not use me for sex too then? All attraction fade away?

My plan: no contact with her untill i go back to the city where we life together. I go back beginning january. Then try to set up a meet and be super-dominant, happy and fun. Kino again... If she was attracted to me, purely physically, in the beginning, it can work again, no ?

women are so weird, sometimes it really isn't your problem, it's hers.

Fellas, read this statement over and over until it sinks into your soul. Guys automatically think it's something THEY did if things go south. It is never her fault. Bullsh*t.

This is why it is so important to control the frame from beginning to end. If things go bad, SHE needs to be thinking what could she have done different. Dig?
Learn how to gain the upper hand in your dealings with women.

Women's biggest disadvantage is their insecurities and constant need of attention. Learn how to manipulate these weaknesses and they will become puppets at the end of your strings.

My apologies for the rant.

Question in general:

When one is not "in love" with you, can it change? Can it come back?

Thanks.

Your right. One of my not so great points when a girl likes me and I like her, or when in an LTR, is, how do you manipulate their weaknesses? How do you gain that mental control. I've tried different ways, and failed more times than not.

How have you tried to gain mental control in the past? Can you give me a few examples?

I am 99.9% sure you are familiar with the tactics to keep a girl hooked. For example, being a challenge, not being needy, acting confident, and so on. The problem I see with most guys (and maybe this is where you are missing the target) is their ability to follow through with these tactics when they have strong feelings for a woman. It is easy to be cocky and funny with a girl you have little interest in, but if are hooked on HER scent, it becomes very difficult to keep your composure and do all the things to keep her attracted.

Check out this quote…
“When a guy has low IL, he does everything right” …read that a few more times. IL stands for Interest Level by the way.

Guys tend to fall hard for women when their attraction is high. They shower women with attention and start doing all the sappy stuff that kills attraction.

Girls on the other hand do a much better job keeping control. This is why women control the frame in 90% of their relationships. How do women manage to keep control? Options, they know they have options. They have guys constantly chasing them. If you don’t spark her attraction and keep the IL high, she will move on to the next guy. This gives them an incredible amount of confidence.

But here is a valuable piece of information. It is very easy to crack a woman’s confidence. You can throw a woman’s confidence off track with a simple comment or two.

Me: hey sweetheart, where did you get that hat?
Her: why, you don’t like it?
Me: well, it’s o.k. I guess

Done, her confidence level comes down a couple of notches. It really is that simple. I used this on an HB9 a while back. She spent the rest of the evening searching for my validation. And she is married!

Men on the other hand don’t have a problem holding on to their confidence once it is set in place. Why? Because men are not swayed by what other people think and we don’t need validation to feel good about ourselves. Women are the complete opposite, and this makes them weak.

I often hear guys say that their weak point is maintaining the girl once she is hooked. My response is, keep doing what worked in the beginning. A relationship is different from a pick-up, so certain tactics may need to be tweaked, but it all comes down to one word, CHALLENGE. Keep her challenged, keep her on her toes, never let her get settled.

I have been in an LTR for a very long time with an HB9 and she NEVER knows what I am going to do next. She is never bored, and THAT is the key to keeping a girl hooked. I will shower her with attention one day, the next day I'm off doing my own thing with friends and family having fun. This not only shows her that I have a life outside our relationship (very important), but it also gives her a chance to miss me.

I know when a guy has low IL, the girl wants the guy more, because he is a challenge for her, right? She wants to win him over, she's assuming he has other interest, that's why his IL isn't high.

yes sir, that is correct.

We get on well, speak so much everyday

Careful, you do not want to over do it. If you don't want to mess things up with this girl (that's a wussie mindset by the way), this is the quickest way to do it. Giving her 'to much' attention makes your VALUE go down.

I want to avoid fucking this up, because she's nice, and to learn, and break past this, as maintaining has been a barrier in the past.

O.k. bro, now you are heading into wussie mode. Shake it off and do what you KNOW.

be who I am, the person who she fell for, and enjoy myself, in and outside of our relationship,

Amen bro, good luck!