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Girfriend leaving for a year ..
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Author:  Koffertgutten [ Mon Dec 06, 2010 9:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Girfriend leaving for a year ..
Hey guys!

Well, today.. My girlfriends finally decided; She's leaving to study abroad for a year, - She's leaving in 5 months. We've been dating for a year and 7 months now. The relationships been great for theese years.. But this is truly tearning me apart.

Now, she wants to keep on being exclusive, but i know for a fact that it won't work; We're both 18, and let's be real.. Without sex for a year.. On my part, cheating would be a fact.

Now, an open relationship is the only real option i can think of, but.. I'm not sure if she's comfortable about me fucking other girls, and i'm not sure how i would've coped with the guilt..

So my question to you guys is; Do anyone have experience with an open-long distance relationship, or an exlusive long distance relationship for that matter? How do you guys make it work?
If i'm not going to end the relationship, is it humanly fucking possible to keep the attraction over the phone - Webcamera and facebook? I don't wanna hold myself back for a year only to discover that she's not interested in me anymore..

Normally i'm quite calm about theese things, and manage to find a solution to the problem.. But for once i'm feeling truly hopeless, as far as i can see, no matter what i do will hurt us both.

Any advice appreciated, and please do ask if you need additional info..

- Koff out
Author:  deSouza [ Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
there's many ways for you to cope with a long distance relationship, but ultimatedly theyre all a watered down version of what a real relationship is like. You'd have the worst time of your life for a year, specially if neither of you travels to see each other.

Been there done that.

I wouldn't reccomend, but if you think shes worth the trouble...
Author:  camus154 [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:00 am ]
Post subject: 
I was in a long distance relationship with a woman for 9 months, and we did manage to make it work, but there were some pretty big differences from your situation (I was 30 at the time, we had been together for several years before the move, and she wasn't overseas, so we managed to see each other about once a month).

Honestly, I think your only two options are to end it or suggest the open relationship. You're way too young to hold off for someone for a year, and neither of you are going to be the same persons a year from now. I applaud your honesty about not being able to do that either, that's just being realistic.

Good luck.
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey guys, and thanks alot for the feedback, this really helps me clear out my mind

Today we had a long talk.. And we both agreed that we should start being realistic, and consider all options..

She also told me that the bureau she's traveling with recomends only about one hour on the phone / SPAM / facebook a week, she's rule-follower, so.. That basicly means that we won't have much time to even talk together.

I'm starting to realize that there's three possible scenarios here, and the chance of any of 'em working out are slimming down..

1: To have an open relationship, will cause us both to distance ourselves even more, (and maybe even fall in love with a new person if we fuck up) chance that when she comes back home either me or she is not attracted anymore, and we'll end up going through a one year hell only to see a breakup coming

2: To have an exclusive relationship, will cause one of us, or both of us to cheat, (and maybe even fall in love with a new person if we fuck up) chance that when she comes back home either me or she is not attracted anymore, and we'll end up going through a one year hell only to see a breakup coming

3: Ending it. Risking that it might have worked out, and that i'm losing a girl i truly means alot to me..
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, the point of having an open relationship when she's that far away.. Would be, for my part to realize if it's worth to wait for her for a year, or if it's simply better to stay single.. If i'd realize that it's worth it, i wouldn't even bother reaping the benefits of the open relationship..

Now, the right one.. I'm 18 years old.. I'm not even sure what love is to be honest, all i know is that she's like a bestfriend that i'll always love being with, and that i'll always have good feelings towards no matter what, and .. Well - that she makes me fucking horny, now if that's love, i don't know, who does?

But thanks again.. I'm tilting towards that decision too, Hobbit. Now breaking up with her.. I don't even know how to do it, nor how to manage to go from LTR mode to gaming mode, and at the same time.. avoiding to make a mess out of myself, and her for that matter.. Right now.. I just want to stall it till the last damn day with her! But if i'm going to do it in five months.. Why not do it now, and avoid investing in something that's going to end anyways?
Author:  deSouza [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, means it was meant to be.









Poetic, amirite?
Author:  deSouza [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
I managed to keep a LDR for one year. Im in brazil girl was in denmark. I dont regret one second, even though it ended when we were about to see each other again.
I lost countless opportunities with hot girls that will never come back, but we had some quality time online.

I swore myself I wouldn't get in a LDR again and I'm currently in one, which is going downward real quick.



Talk, talk, talk more, see what both of you expect of this relationship and what you think its going to happen during that year, be realistic, look inside yourself to see if you can cope, etc etc.

I've seen cases pretty similar as yours of people who went to exchange programs and broke up during it just to get back together later on. I've seen cases of people who didnt break up and managed to make it work. I've seen horrorstories in those situations. In this really rich dude's 18th birthday he had a massive party, and his girlfriend could see it through SPAM or something. Image projected and such. The dude's father hired a celebrity to be his escort during the night, and the gf had to see it all. Not one of the prettiest scenes, amongst other stories.

So it could go either way, make sure you know what youre getting into if you go forward with it.
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 4:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks alot for the reply..

Yeah.. If we're deciding to keep it going, and not to break it up.. Well, then it has to work, i'm not going to waste a year of my life..

And.. In the event that we'll keep it going, we'll rely on a open relationship..

And, as far as i can remember young girls tend to lean on guys for security.. And there's no doubt she'll be insecure in a brandnew country, with new people - and culture.. Take into note that she's a good 9.. What will most likely happen is her being gamed by every guy on campus, eventually fucking some dude, maybe even start to get feelings towards him.. And even if that doesent happen, and that she develops no feelings towards anyone, with only talking to her once a week, for what, AN HOUR? The chance of the attraction that we have will vanish over night are quite huge in my opinion..

And me, on the other hand.. Well, the same goes for me, i'd fuck all the girls i havent been able to fuck while dating her, possibly developing feelings for one of them.. And with only an hour on the phone per week.. The attraction towards her will fade away quite fast, i believe..

Thanks again guys, it's truly great being able to clear out my mind here, and getting some help and advice.. I'll have to hit a decision within the coming weeks..
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, the point of an open relationship, as far as i can see is to divide the love and sex parts of the relationship. You can have sex outside of the relationship because you still love your significant one. It's far from the same as a break up. An open relationship can still involve strong feelings between the two parts of the open relationship. Or have i completely misunderstood the concept of open relationships?

EDIT: misunderstood completely, of course, in my case it's the same thing, no doubt, i never really viewed it like that, but it's true.

But, yeah, Hobbit,- You are right, i'm scared shitless of breaking up with her. It'll be like turning my life upsides down, it'll be like asking for a hard time in my life. I'm afraid of that, no doubt.. But the one thing i'm the most afraid of is, simply, seeing her with another guy, feeling the jealousy, thinking that "Damn, i should've never have made it over" So yeah, i think you hit the nail on the head with " Maybe this is your fear? She will move on and you won't? "
Author:  camus154 [ Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
I tend to spend a lot of time in my own head, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think you're starting to over-analyze this.

If the two of you really are as good of friends as you are lovers, then why not just take things as they come without having to define things so rigidly? Why not simply be friends while she's away, see what happens with both of you, and figure out where you're at a year from now?
Author:  Carmo [ Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Listen to Hobbit, he speaks the truth.
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks alot guys!

I've never ever experienced a place where it's possible to get so much good advice and support.

I've decided to go through with this, and end it all either on this saturday or sunday..
Havent really realized that i'm going single again, the thought is new new, hopefully my charm isn't completely gone when i'm meeting new chicks either..
Author:  Kestrel [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  reflect on it
Maybe this thread is dead but it looks like you still have a few months left.

As a stand up comic I see relationship dynamics like audience-performer dynamics in a lot of ways. I have two pieces of advice:

1) look closely at this relationship. Is it balanced? is her decision to leave one that's absolutely right and really the only option for her career? these tough trade-off decisions happen more today than any time in history so it could be that. but if you have to ask yourself if you'd do the same thing - be willing to walk away like she is. if you find that you wouldn't then you may have a balance problem in the relationship anyway and you should think about that.

2) The most important / memorable time is opening and closing. This is where the stage experience comes in. People remember the middle but not as vividly. End strong, especially if this is something you hope to pick up again down the road. Read up on some relationship game and make her swoon :)

For what it's worth, i don't believe long-distance works (especially in this stage in life and the relationship, from how it sounds) and I think it's a recipe for misery. just enjoy the now and be ready to let go[/quote]
Author:  Kestrel [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:19 pm ]
Post subject:  reflect on it
Maybe this thread is dead but it looks like you still have a few months left.

As a stand up comic I see relationship dynamics like audience-performer dynamics in a lot of ways. I have two pieces of advice:

1) look closely at this relationship. Is it balanced? is her decision to leave one that's absolutely right and really the only option for her career? these tough trade-off decisions happen more today than any time in history so it could be that. but if you have to ask yourself if you'd do the same thing - be willing to walk away like she is. if you find that you wouldn't then you may have a balance problem in the relationship anyway and you should think about that.

2) The most important / memorable time is opening and closing. This is where the stage experience comes in. People remember the middle but not as vividly. End strong, especially if this is something you hope to pick up again down the road. Read up on some relationship game and make her swoon :)

For what it's worth, i don't believe long-distance works (especially in this stage in life and the relationship, from how it sounds) and I think it's a recipe for misery. just enjoy the now and be ready to let go[/quote]
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