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The end- How I feel, what I've learnt, what not to do ....
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Author:  Chelios [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:49 am ]
Post subject:  The end- How I feel, what I've learnt, what not to do ....
Hey guys, haven't been around for a while, been so busy with work, and had a girlfriend for the last 3 months or so, which is now finished, and I have to be honest (as I always am on here) I'm dissapointed. I liked the girl a lot, had some feelings for her, comes from a great family, is nice and lives close, but she has her problems. This may be a long-ish read, but I'm going to share what I learnt from this.



I'M almost 22 she's 19. Everything was fine, until last week, we had a few arguments, I said something to her out of frustration really, when she was getting annoyed with herself on a regular basis over that last week. I said stop stressing, she went on and on at me I then said, "you wont find anyone else like me" as the argument went on, petty really, I wish I never said that, as soon as I did, I knew 'mistake' right there and my PUA head came back alive.

Thursday (1 week ago) I went to her parents for a meal second time, after we sorted out our arguments, friday we then went for a meal, took her home after, then comes saturday, tried to call her, no answer, then receive a blackberry message saying " I can't see you anymore" We are too different". In my opinion, is complete bullshit, because apart from that last week, everything was fine.

Obviously I tried to speak to her, she wasn't having any of it. I think, my biggest mistake was then telling her how I feel, anyone agree?I care about her, etc, because maybe it just gave her the upper hand, or am I being to PUA like minded here?

I sent 2 messages, no reply, so sent none since, only reason I did, was to try and find out what's up, because it is odd. Maybe her immaturity, unsure. Just strange, we used to speak so much every single day, no problems, then bang, this happens.

So to break it down.

I feel like I've learnt a lot from this and in future I wont tell a girl how I feel, until like half a year atleast goes by maybe even a year, when things are dead serious.

- Maybe not suggest going out as much

- Definitely not to say " You wont find better than me" -that makes me sound extremely big headed, when I'm not, I was just frustrated by her being down on a regular. That sticks in a womans mind, and kI think they try to prove a point after from it.

Things happen, how we deal with it matters. Back to the PUA lifestyle now, and I wont leave.

All thoughts, comments and opinions appreciated.

Chel
Author:  DanijelG [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:23 am ]
Post subject: 
nice from you that you share this
people can learn from you mistakes!
Author:  Chelios [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
nice from you that you share this
people can learn from you mistakes!
Of course. We all learn from our mistakes!
Author:  new2game [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Ouch I sympathise with you mate :(.

Biggest thing i learnt when ending is; Dont try to fix things and beg for a 2nd chance ( did this as a teenager in my 1st r'ship).

I've also learnt that you need to keep a cool head. Don't bitch and moan. Just move on. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't, but you still have your integrity
Author:  Chelios [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ouch I sympathise with you mate :(.

Biggest thing i learnt when ending is; Dont try to fix things and beg for a 2nd chance ( did this as a teenager in my 1st r'ship).

I've also learnt that you need to keep a cool head. Don't bitch and moan. Just move on. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't, but you still have your integrity
Of course. Don't ask for a second chance, past that stage, I'm more of the type of person who just wants a reason, but I guess that reason, and the reason they wont tell you much is their power to come back to you in future, well atleast what they think, anyone agree?

She just randomly text me saying, "I don't wanna be with you, think it's best you look for someone else, nothing matters anymore, we're over and that's that"

Funny really, like she can dictate me, haha, or like I'm going to hang around for her, some women, they think they're God's gift, she doesn't realise I'm a PUA, bitch!
Author:  Builder [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think you're reading into this too much, people grow apart and that's all there is to it. Don't be a dick or anything to her, just accept things as they are and move on. It's fine to tell someone that you care about them after three months, if a girl has invested in you for that long I think that she'd mighty disappointed if she wasn't getting anything back.

I know you don't want to hear this and I could definitely be wrong, but my first thought after reading that was that she'd found someone else. Either way, accept it and move on.

Good luck!
Author:  Carmo [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you put your toys down softly you might get to play with them again.

All you can do is end it and make a clean break with integrity. Trying to logically convice a girl to stay is pointless, so is asking her for the "why" as you will hardly ever get an honest opinion.

Recently i was in a similar situation with you. Dated a girl i really like dfor 3 months, i am 30 and she is 21 so that obviously became an issue. After about 3 months i told her i was starting to fall for her. She just responded with "well thats good" hahah pretty cold but that was the writing on the wall. A week later we split and haven't spoen since. Ive learned that no contact is the best policy, dont giver her any reason to justify her decision. Good luck!
Author:  Chelios [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Carmo, definitely a similar situation and I agree. I wouldn't try and convince a girl to stay with me, what's the point, relationships are something that are either wanted or not.

- Builder, your right, but I haven't been a prick, and in all honesty, I can move on, sure I think of her, and she will of me, because we had good times. I can get other women, not a problem.

People do grow apart. If she's found someone else, kool, I'm not in love with her and the grass isn't always greener on the otherside, I know that from experience, I haven't beed an idiot or immature about it anyway, that would just add fuel to the fire, this way, just getting on with things, my pride is stil intact, and I have no regrets!

Thanks guys.

You learn something new everyday, and from experience.
Author:  Dr. Gruuve [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 6:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
...i am 30 and she is 21 so that obviously became an issue...
Why did age become an issue? Just curious...I'm 44 and my girl is 29, and we've never had and issue that was age-related. (We've had other issues...LOL...but nothing to do with age.)

Gruuve
Author:  Carmo [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Doc,
I think 44 and 29 is more managble than 30 and 21. just by the fact that at 29 she has matured and is most likely well into her career. It was an issue for me because she was still in college, never had a real job and was wanting to go to the bar and get drunk most nights. Different wants and expectations from the relationship was the main problem. I wanted a more stable relationship and she just wanted to have fun(cant blame her) but there it is.
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry to hear you broke up, but it's probably for the best. As long as you realise your mistakes (i.e. that comment you made), you'll be fine. You can game other women and be more successful with them knowing what you know now and, who knows, maybe you'll see her again ;-)
Author:  Chelios [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Sorry to hear you broke up, but it's probably for the best. As long as you realise your mistakes (i.e. that comment you made), you'll be fine. You can game other women and be more successful with them knowing what you know now and, who knows, maybe you'll see her again ;-)
Agreed mate, who knows, not banking on hearing from her, and my mentality now is, I don't really care. Most women I've been with and then split, often try to come back into my life at some point, not because I'm superman, but because I am down to earth, I like to have fun, I'm not bad looking, and I wont be immature and start cursing them. So leave it as their regret not mine, especially when they call the relationship off.

Roll on the weekend I say!
Author:  Dr. Gruuve [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 5:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Doc,
I think 44 and 29 is more managble than 30 and 21. just by the fact that at 29 she has matured and is most likely well into her career. It was an issue for me because she was still in college, never had a real job and was wanting to go to the bar and get drunk most nights. Different wants and expectations from the relationship was the main problem. I wanted a more stable relationship and she just wanted to have fun(cant blame her) but there it is.
Ah, very good points, you are indeed correct.

Dr. Gruuve
Author:  Roz [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 6:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The end- How I feel, what I've learnt, what not to do ..
Quote:
Obviously I tried to speak to her, she wasn't having any of it. I think, my biggest mistake was then telling her how I feel, anyone agree?I care about her, etc, because maybe it just gave her the upper hand, or am I being to PUA like minded here? [...] I sent 2 messages, no reply, so sent none since, only reason I did, was to try and find out what's up, because it is odd.
If you ever, ever want a chance at getting the girl back after being dumped, walk away. Just walk away- she says it's over? You say "Ok" and you WALK AWAY. Walk away from her, or the phone, or the computer or whatever she used to break up with you, because no message or response will convince her to change her mind. Don't yell at her or plead, or even ask her "why", because the less affected you seem by it, the more it will bother her. "What! That's it? Just 'ok'" ? That's what she'll be thinking.


Anyway, the best way to get over a woman is to get under another ;)
Now go out and have fun.


-Roz
Author:  Chelios [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The end- How I feel, what I've learnt, what not to do ..
Quote:
Quote:
Obviously I tried to speak to her, she wasn't having any of it. I think, my biggest mistake was then telling her how I feel, anyone agree?I care about her, etc, because maybe it just gave her the upper hand, or am I being to PUA like minded here? [...] I sent 2 messages, no reply, so sent none since, only reason I did, was to try and find out what's up, because it is odd.
If you ever, ever want a chance at getting the girl back after being dumped, walk away. Just walk away- she says it's over? You say "Ok" and you WALK AWAY. Walk away from her, or the phone, or the computer or whatever she used to break up with you, because no message or response will convince her to change her mind. Don't yell at her or plead, or even ask her "why", because the less affected you seem by it, the more it will bother her. "What! That's it? Just 'ok'" ? That's what she'll be thinking.


Anyway, the best way to get over a woman is to get under another ;)
Now go out and have fun.


-Roz
I agree, and thanks for your post. I've just walked away, I no longer want her after this. I've sent no messages to her, just me in my own direction. I have a fancy dress party to go to tomorrow, should be fun ;)
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