so, you have told her how you feel more than one time now and she hasnt changed her unacceptable behaviour
why?...simple....because what she is doing is still working for her...she is still gaining from it...and not losing anything..you told her you dont like it, but you are still 'accepting it' therefore she doesnt yet realise it's unacceptable behaviour
examples of what motivates this behaviour/how is she gaining:
- she feels popular with all the boys texting her
you know she is popular and desirable and you could lose her at any moment
you have asked her not to do something and she is ignoring the situation - she is letting you know that you need her more than she needs you
she is controlling the situation not you
i dont think you should ask/tell her again, its clearly not working, in fact to the contrary every time you ask her please not to do it, it reinforces the message to her that you value her attention but nothing will happen if she ignores your request.
time to put her on the naughty step: remember to ignore the unacceptable behaviour you want to discourage and reward the behaviour you want to encourage
next time and each time she does this, do not comment on her texting behaviour at all. ignore it. wait until she has finished, then let her start talking about something interesting to her, then whilst she is literally mid sentence, abruptly but calmly do one of the following:
- -get up and walk away/go outside/talk to someone else about nothing important without saying a word of explanation then return and sit down about 3 minutes later as if you hadnt gone anywhere - when she says where did you go, just say, oh nowhere special
-find something to read or look at and study it intently, completely ignoring her
get out your phone and start writing a text, ask the textee to text you back in a minute about the thing you are asking them about
- if necessary leave where you are altogether, just look at your phone, tell her 'i'm just popping outside for a minute to make a call', then text her from outside, you are going to be a few minutes, then after 10 minutes text her 'somethings come up, i've gotta go, see you soon', and just leave without further explanation
whatever you do, do not apologise,explain or excuse yourself at any point or in any way or use the word 'sorry'.ie dont say 'sorry i've got to go' or excuse me i just need to go to text my mate/check something on my phone'
its very important that you must also reward the behaviour you want to encourage. this means that if she doesnt text back or pick up her phone, again dont mention the text itself, but give her some small extra attention - a kiss, a hug, pay her a compliment...whatever
its important that she learns a consistent lesson from you so dont weaken
if you try all this for a decent length of time, and her behaviour isnt improving, and you really want to take control rather than dump her, then when her phone beeps and she answers it, take it out of her hand, turn it off, put it in your pocket, and tell her she can have it back at the end of the lesson if she is a good girl, but for now you want her full attention.
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