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She says I don't talk about my feelings with her
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Author:  Checkfigure1 [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:31 am ]
Post subject:  She says I don't talk about my feelings with her
My girl told me out of the blue tonight that she's upset I don't tell her how I feel. It is true that I don't reveal 100% of the way I feel about everything to her. Being open about my feelings is something that I have greatly struggled with in my life. I always found it hard to open up to anyone close to me in my life. During the past few years, I thought I was doing well on expressing myself. I really try to let her know how I feel in certain situations. Then she goes and tells me she thinks I don't tell her stuff.

She thinks that when I am being quiet that i'm mad at her. Most of the time I am not talkative is when she has her annoying friend hang out with us. I told her one time how it pisses me off that she has to hang out with us, then she went ape shit on me. She accused me of being a controlling partner and how I don't want her to spend time with her friends, etc... So one time I told her 100% how I felt and she blew up.

How should one handle this type of situation? When is it appropriate to express yourself and when should you not reveal how you feel?

Thanks :D
Author:  TheLastWolf [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Have you told her that you have a hard time opening up? If not, do so. If she doesn't understand, then you aren't with someone who truely understands you.
Author:  poet1234 [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She says I don't talk about my feelings with her
You will find it more easy to open yourself towards some persons,to others you will not.Usually the persons who you open to are the ones who naturally express themselves more easy.But there is more to it,I think it's mostly related to the values you share.
Now I don't know much about this gf of yours,but from her reaction
Quote:
She accused me of being a controlling partner and how I don't want her to spend time with her friends
well i would myself find it hard to open to her,since she doesn't encourage this behavior (from the contrary...)
Quote:
During the past few years, I thought I was doing well on expressing myself.
That's good,you keep improving yourself.
It's not your fault that you can't express yourself so much,you do it through actions anyway,it's her insecurity.So don't reassure her,rather turn it on her "why can't you trust me ?"
Author:  Checkfigure1 [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the replies :D

"Have you told her that you have a hard time opening up?"

I have told her many times that it is very difficult for me to express myself. I was conditioned as a kid to not be able to be open and expressive. I have a very closed off relationship with both of my parents. We get along for the most part, but I have a hard time opening up to either of them.
My girl gets mad at me when I don't tell my parents things. I try to explain to her that I have a hard time opening up to them but she doesn't believe me. It is very frusturating.

It is like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. She wants me to tell her how I feel. But when I do, she can't seem to take it.

I agree with poet1234 that she is very insecure. One of the biggest problems with her insecurity is her needing to cater to her annoying friend. She is worried that she will loose her. When I confront her about it, she says that she is just being a good friend or that i'm trying to control who she can hang out with. It drives me nuts the way she acts.

Overall my girl is really great, it is just this reoccuring problem that does not seem to go away.

Is it okay to be blunt about the way I always feel, or should I reserve some of my thoughts?

Thanks :D
Author:  poet1234 [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 4:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
That depends on you.
This might help you a bit :
onion-theory-vt30938.html
Author:  Johannes11 [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 6:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
You do know that women love it when a guy is all tough on the outside but then just reveals his cute, soft side to her. It's kind of a weird fantasy that girls have. She probably wants that from you, not to know about all your problems, just reveal your weaknesses and insecurities little by little and it lets her satisfy that maternal instinct.

If that's not what she means, she probably just wants you to be more honest because she's not sure what you're thinking.
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