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So I just broke up with my first exclusive girlfriend..
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Author:  Nihro [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  So I just broke up with my first exclusive girlfriend..
I've been doing this PUA stuff for around 9 months now and really it has been one of the best moves I've ever made with my life. I started out because of a oneitis like many of us and somehow managed to go from 0 to 11 women in about six months. Around month three I met this girl in a club, beautiful intelligent and outgoing, just my type. Naturally we ended up going back to her place on the first night, yet did not have sex because she had a rule about not sleeping with guys on the first week. The next morning I was greeted with the sweet scent of eggs and bacon, and as I left her room to enter her kitchen I arrived to a woman cooking eggs in the nude. It was truly an awesome experience.

Anyway so long story short we ended up having an open relationship for about three months until I finally realized I was tired of sleeping with all of these other women when all I really wanted was her; and finally after a night of hot awesomeness she brought up the idea of making us exclusive and I went with my gut and agreed but with one term: we could not become the kind of couple who stops going out and having adventures as soon as we took the step. I did not want to go from the kind of guy who went out and had fun meeting new people to the kind of guy who sits around watching movies all day with his girl, I mean that's fine if its your thing but I like having fun.

So we were closed for three months, it was amazing. I actually admitted for the first time in my life that I was in love with a woman, and the sex was great and very frequent. We went to the beach with her parents two weeks ago and had an amazing time, and everything was going great. Then, not even one week later, I threw a party at my place and she couldn't come because of work (I live an hour and a half away from her so it was complicated). No big deal I thought, but last night when I arrived to hers she seemed distant all of the sudden. Finally she broke and told me she cheated on me Saturday because "she was drunk and I wasn't there" she was crying and kept apologizing and begging me to stay but I was instantly enraged and decided to leave.

Fuck so today I broke up with her, cheating is a no go. I went over to her house and she was naked though, and I shouldn't have slept with her. God the sex was great it always is/was. After it was over I told her we were done and not to call me and I left. Overall it was a great almost six months I'm grateful for the experience but I don't understand how you can go from being in love to fucking some drunk dude in a frat party in under a week. I don't understand how something so amazing can turn to shit in one moment. Maybe if I was more experienced with relationships I could forgive it and move on or maybe cheating is and should always be an instant deal breaker. I deleted all of the pictures from my computer and phone along with her phone number. Whatever I'm going out with David~ this weekend, time to get back on the horse.

Does anybody have any tips on break ups? I could really use some insight.
Author:  870 [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: So I just broke up with my first exclusive girlfriend..
Quote:
cheating is and should always be an instant deal breaker. I deleted all of the pictures from my computer and phone along with her phone number. Whatever I'm going out with David~ this weekend, time to get back on the horse.

Does anybody have any tips on break ups? I could really use some insight.
You already have all the insight you need as you are doing exactly what you need to do in this situation. Major props for handling your first big breakup well.

It sucks now and will always suck to an ever-lessening degree, but you can take comfort in knowing that you did the right thing and stuck to your principles in a trying time.

Your boy,
870
Author:  Mrmonk [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:59 am ]
Post subject: 
feel for you dude but you did the right thing by ending it cheating is a no go my advice is dont even speak to her again dont be nasty dont be a friend nothing no nice or bad dont speak with the bitch again at all dont reply to texts or anything even if she makes you feel guilty she dosent deserve to know you dont let her

and meet new girls lots of them 4 or 5 new girls should do the trick
Author:  Nihro [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks, guess I just needed to vent or something. This is annoying as hell. I give it a week or two before I'm back to my old misbegotten ways. Shit happens, at least I gave it the go right?
Author:  Tundra [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:13 am ]
Post subject: 
I hate people who use alcohol as an excuse. I've been pretty messed up and had girls hitting on me who actually were a little hotter than my gf at the time, but I always drew a mental line. I wouldn't destroy her life if she got drunk and kissed someone, I would beat her over the head for it though, but I wouldn't abandon her. Sex is a whole nother story, sex is effort. Throw the cheaters back into the sea for the other chumps to deal with.
Author:  Nihro [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:09 am ]
Post subject: 
I just can't believe this fucking happened. I really shouldn't have slept with her this afternoon when I went back to hers to break up. It was so fucking hard though I mean she answered the door half nude fully done up. Good god. I got a number tonight though, shit I just need to go out and fuck women. I'm really not trying to sound bitter but good god I'm so frustrated right now. Especially by the fact that I really want to call her back, yet I gave myself my word that I will not. All contact is broken. It's done. We struggle so we can learn to adapt towards the real world right? Well shit guess it's time for my education to come full circle a bit. Her and her friend texted me like 15 times each tonight, I ignored both. It seems like her friend is hitting on me though it's fucking weird. She keeps saying I don't deserve that and inviting me out and stuff, wtf this shit is so sordid and messed up. Think I'll just completely cut ties with everyone she's friends with along with herself.

My first few pickups didn't go so awesome, maybe I was fooling myself in believing my first relationship would be different. I'm just trying my best to clear my head so I can get this over with and learn my lesson you know? Bah
Author:  ktime70 [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Sorry to hear things went south like that. I've been in the same boat.

a few tips for next time: breakup sex = be selfish. it can be fantastic sex, and relieve the frustration.

Keep your contact cut. good move. takes strength. but it will speed up the healing.

i noticed in another post you said "pick up doesn't have a place in a relationship".

unfortunately, you just learnt that it DOES.

she cheated not because she was drunk (alcohol only lowers inhibitions, it DOES NOT make people different to their sober mind), but because you were no longer the Alpha dog. sorry, but you DO have to stay alpha (the underpinnings of good pickup) in a relationship, unless you like the idea of tasting other guys cocks when you kiss her.

good luck finding your feet again.
Author:  Nihro [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:10 am ]
Post subject: 
You know what? I stand by everything I've said and everything I've done. Pickup has no part in relationships because the very word used to "pickup" a woman is gone after you accomplish your immediate success. People make mistakes she made a mistake and I'd forgive her for it if I could, but the fact is I cannot. Talking about this has helped, normally I put on that good old strong front to help others and so on, well back to my goal towards making the bangarang with 30 women my first year. 19 more to go hahaha.
Author:  ktime70 [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You know what? I stand by everything I've said and everything I've done. Pickup has no part in relationships because the very word used to "pickup" a woman is gone after you accomplish your immediate success. People make mistakes she made a mistake and I'd forgive her for it if I could, but the fact is I cannot. Talking about this has helped, normally I put on that good old strong front to help others and so on, well back to my goal towards making the bangarang with 30 women my first year. 19 more to go hahaha.
Break down the true nature of pickup, being that you are a high value male, i.e. alpha male, not being needy, and maintaining an interesting lifestyle... and that is what you need to maintain in a relationship...
Author:  Bimm3r [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:57 am ]
Post subject: 
The greatest thing you can learn in life is to forgive. Perhaps you will not learn it now. most people will never learn it.. It is hard, expecially for me.

I know that what i'm gonna say now will be very controversial for many of you.
But you gotta forgive this girl - it will help you to move on. You should stop having all this hate and regret towards this girl and all the things she is in (relationship, your life, your time, memories ect).

Try to forgive her..

And this doesent mean you have to get back to her, you can remain single. But just try.

(take my advice or not, but you also deserved to get another point of view.)

PS: if it seems weird, i can elaborate on my post if you want, but if you just gonna think im talking shit, i dont want to write two pages ;).. could also be you have no problem getting over her and forgiving her.
Author:  rocket87 [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well I have a few words that might help - and first, you posting here is a huge step for you to reach out because the posts above mine in this thread are gold for you (esp. bimm3r's regarding forgiveness)

I know how shitty it is when this happens and you know what, the resent/anger is completely normal - you should be happy that you are being honest with yourself about your feelings (Yeah, you're pissed off, you're going to be upset as hell) but what's important is forming a path to follow.

You have to keep yourself to a path and form it pretty quickly, although don't forget that the aspect/principle of understanding time will be your best friend. You could go weeks without anything new, simply because your personality is still reflecting that negativity (subconsciously if anything), or it could be a few days - either way, just remember that in the bigger picture (over a period of 1-3 months) everything is going to just chill out and be back to normal. You're a ridiculously better person that she'll ever be and you have the dignity and respect of your fellow peers, unlike her.

Back to the forgiveness thing real quick - I absolutely 1000% agree with no contact + ignoring her for good and definitely not getting back with her. even just for sex (the emotions you tie to it will fuck your mind even harder) cheating is not forgivable imo (and in your opinion too, which is why I think you should stick to your guns about it). I know that feeling inside and it burns real hard, if she gave a shit about you in the first place she wouldn't have cheated on you. Period.

So work on your path, read up some material, get back with friends you haven't talked to, call/text girls that flaked on you before, grab a new hobby, go out a little more than usual - you'll get right back on track man.

rocket
Author:  Nihro [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
You know what? I stand by everything I've said and everything I've done. Pickup has no part in relationships because the very word used to "pickup" a woman is gone after you accomplish your immediate success. People make mistakes she made a mistake and I'd forgive her for it if I could, but the fact is I cannot. Talking about this has helped, normally I put on that good old strong front to help others and so on, well back to my goal towards making the bangarang with 30 women my first year. 19 more to go hahaha.
Break down the true nature of pickup, being that you are a high value male, i.e. alpha male, not being needy, and maintaining an interesting lifestyle... and that is what you need to maintain in a relationship...
None of that was a problem whatsoever, and that's me being 100 percent honest. Also, does the true alpha male ever worry about coming across as an alpha male or does he just live off of his own desires without apologizing for what he believes he deserves?
Author:  ktime70 [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
You know what? I stand by everything I've said and everything I've done. Pickup has no part in relationships because the very word used to "pickup" a woman is gone after you accomplish your immediate success. People make mistakes she made a mistake and I'd forgive her for it if I could, but the fact is I cannot. Talking about this has helped, normally I put on that good old strong front to help others and so on, well back to my goal towards making the bangarang with 30 women my first year. 19 more to go hahaha.
Break down the true nature of pickup, being that you are a high value male, i.e. alpha male, not being needy, and maintaining an interesting lifestyle... and that is what you need to maintain in a relationship...
None of that was a problem whatsoever, and that's me being 100 percent honest. Also, does the true alpha male ever worry about coming across as an alpha male or does he just live off of his own desires without apologizing for what he believes he deserves?
If you/me/anyone on here was true alpha, we wouldn't be on here trying to improve our game...

if we were true alpha, we would KNOW how to do this shit.
Author:  Masterlock [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Nihro, Im sorry to hear about your situation; i have a similar problem, and i just would like to know how your handling it on your end, because from what you write it sounds like your ex is also remorseful for what she did...

What if she wants you back? Its fucking driving me insane. I love this girl just as you loved yours, and she wants me so fucking bad, to the point that I have to lock her out of my place. Do you compromise? Where do I go from here? I'm at a loss as of what to do...
Author:  ktime70 [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Nihro, Im sorry to hear about your situation; i have a similar problem, and i just would like to know how your handling it on your end, because from what you write it sounds like your ex is also remorseful for what she did...

What if she wants you back? Its fucking driving me insane. I love this girl just as you loved yours, and she wants me so fucking bad, to the point that I have to lock her out of my place. Do you compromise? Where do I go from here? I'm at a loss as of what to do...
only you can answer that.

can you move past the fact she was unfaithful.

are you willing to forgive her completely?

are you considering taking her back because you feel you can't do better?

have you worked out what drove her to cheat?
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