PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Turning the tide in my relationship
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=70207		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Wed Jun 30, 2010 12:32 am ]
Post subject:  Turning the tide in my relationship
For those who havn't been follwing my other 2 related posts,Im going to give yall a brief run down.

I'v been in an LTR for a year and a half now.

It's been hectic oveer the past few weeks,leaving me jaded with many issues.

The prob' with my gf is that she wont commit to anything that'll make her invest time and work in this LTR[blame me for ceeding her the control].

I'v invested so much emotionally,pysically in this LTR that Im unwilling to break it off despite the major down spiral.

Sunk cost basically,where I'd put so much into this that I dont want to let it go.

On the other hand,my gf has shown willingness to walk away or break up,since she hadn't invested much as I did.

With all that said and done,I'd set out on turning the fucking tide and gaining the upper hand again.

I dont remember where I'd heard this saying,but it's real powerful,"The one who cares less in a relationship is better off".

That's so damn true. I cared so much about things in this LTR that it had me going crazy when shit wasnt a bit south,while my gf was all blazy & nonchalant about shit.

With all that said,I changed the script to this about a week ago.

Im seeing major-positive results on her part,but she still tests me.

I've adopted a care-free,dont-give-a shit attitude as she has.

Since she notices the change of attitude & my mind set(alphaness),she's been the one caring,inquiring,going crazy,arguing,etc.

She's now behaving like I was-like the woman(lol)!

It really feels powerful to take control of your life & relationship.

These are the changes I've made:

85% of times,I was the one to go see her.

I've stopped going by her so often,now making it up to her to met me at my spot.

Whenever she cooks,I usually go by her to eat.

Now,I have her bring the food to my crib.

I usually call her first during the day.

I stop doing it and she's now investing and calling more,wondering why I havent call.

Purpose of all this is to make her invest energy & time in this LTR.

Another one is,since we live fairly close,I usually walk her home all the time.

I've cut that shit out where I havent walk her home for the week.

She's pissed about the change of things and me gaining controls in this LTR.

I expect her to throw fits since she's used to me handing her the power.

I was always the one bitching like a beta-male,"come one babes,why is this and that a big deal".

Now,she's the one bitching,"are you really going to let me walk home alone"?

Guys,I feel a power shift since I've adopted the dont give a shit persona.

Before,I virtually had her as a priority in m life,and she took advantge of that,while she had me at the bottom of the priority list.

Since the change in my attitude,she seems to be putting me as a priority,calling me 15 times per day,bitching about not being able to get through or me not answering.

Before,I was the one bitching about not being able to reach her.

I love the power guys!!!

Advise & tips appreciated.
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jun 30, 2010 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Turning the tide in my relationship
Quote:
Sunk cost basically,where I'd put so much into this that I dont want to let it go.
Here is why you're wrong. If BP spent millions of pounds and thousands of man hours into developing robots that just made the problems in the gulf worse, should they just keep spending money and time and making more of them? Or do they cut their losses? Yeah, good for you, you flipped the script; I'm proud of you and you gave good advice that I could use on how you did it. But it sounds like you genuinely don't give a shit about this girl anymore and just stick it out because of your pride. It sounds like all you wanted to do was get your balls back. It sounds like your relationship has been broken for awhile and you need to cut your losses.

Otherwise, if you really like this girl, you need to give her back some of the power. For this to actually work, you do still need to to shit that makes her happy; like she's not just a booty call. Having her cook for you and deliver the food and not walking her home are not cool. At all. Do you think it's powerful being too scared to give your girlfriend any control?
Author:  easy_as_pie_100 [ Wed Jun 30, 2010 4:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Must say this is pretty much the exact same situation as mine SPAM... Not sure whether or not to try and do the whole power controlling shit tho. In all honesty i think u still need balance, otherwise the relationship will screw up.

As the guy above me posted - yeah i wouldnt cut the walking home, etc stuff off... These small things i found mean ALOT to the gf...
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jun 30, 2010 5:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, and opening doors for her and ordering at restaurants for her. Even wacky non-conformist girls eat that shit up. I think it's stupid, but I don't have to understand it. k-loc is totally on point about always meeting up at her place and working around her schedule. That does make you the girl; I know. You do have to find a balance, which means sometimes she needs to work for your ass and initiate sex, too. And you can't be the one who call/texts more than 50% of the time. That's the part that fucked me up.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Wed Jun 30, 2010 7:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for responding Jonobono & Minsok.

Well Minsok,I get your analogy about the robots.

Thing is,I genuinely want this LTR to work out but she had so much of the controls that she to advantage of it.

I did want to get my balls back and feel more like a real man after doing all the bitching in this.

But it's a balance as you's eluded to.

Im basically trying to teach her a lesson here in not taking me for granted.

Then whenever some drama starts,she's quick to cut her loses because she hadnt invested much.

Anyway,good advise Minsok,I'm definitely going to keep this balance and not go on an ego-trip because I feel more like an alpha now.

Hey Jonobono,I see you going through similar situation.

You should try the power-shifting concept that I did for over the past week.

Im seeing results with her investing more emotionally and all.

Before,I'd tell her to come see me and she'd be all like,"If I feel like it".

Now since I've flipped the script and act some-what cold,she' now initiating to come by me without me virtually begging.

But,I have to keep it civil and not get drunk off power(lol).

It does feel un-natural and a bit deceptive to act this way,and I think it's the AFC/ nice-guy mind set ceeping in.

I was a major fucking nice guy in past relationships and always got burned.

Im going to continue doing stuff like walk her home,etc.but not as frequent.

Lol,hey Minsok,I had to laugh when you said about working around her schedule makes me seem like the girl(lol)!

That's how I felt!!She never worked around my schedule-frankly because I never gave her the chance to.

You'r so on point Minsok when you say she working for me,meaning she initiating sex(never happened),etc.

It's a fucing relief to know that other guys on the forum are willing to admit being there.

I texted her first 95% of times prior to last week.

Now,I stopped doing it(it was a hard struggle-lol),and she's now initiating texting 85% of the time.

Thanks for the encouragement Minsok & Jonobono.

I'll seek a balance though.
Author:  minsok [ Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude, I had this relationship in February, I know how it is. She was a good girl, she was just busier than me. Yeah, make sure you keep her satisfied or she will make you pay.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Lol,I'll keep her satisfied.

Not to seem f'd up Minsok,but it's a relief too know that Im not the only one going through or went through this on the forum.
Author:  minsok [ Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude, most of the guys on here aren't playing the role of the man. Most of us have at one point let women rule us or latched on to every girl that gave us a little interest, even though she was low quality. This community and the game taught me what my father couldn't; how to be a man.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
For real,you're 100% correct about guys latching on to the first girl who shows them interest.

Especially when starting out in social dynamics as I did,I had major success with ONS(one nighters),major success in club game...

But I still at 1 point latched onto the 1st. chicc who showed me the most interest.

So I soon after reverted to AFC shit(lol).

Then that girl eventually cheated on me twice(years ago).
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/