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Physically aggressive GF (long post!)
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=68038		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Hawkin [ Tue May 25, 2010 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Physically aggressive GF (long post!)
Hey there guys, haven't been here in a while. Also didn't find something about this topic.

So I am in an LDLTR for 1,5 years with 3000km inbetween. My girl is from Russia and living in my flat right now for the last third of three months. We are planning to be together again from October for her studying in my city - which will be 5 years of living together. By the way we are both 20 and she is an HB8.

That's it about my situation, now my problem:
From time to time she turns violent against me if we have an argument, or if there are differences. It happens about once in one to two months which is rather unpleasant as I have bite and scratch marks on my body for the first time after another attack yesterday night.

I think she just loads with anger with time and after being full it discharges with the next little problem, so telling examples of these "triggers" should not be helpful, but sometimes one problem seems to be enough to enrage her:
  • When she was with me last year, on a festival I didn't want to buy her a small souvenir wristband because I think it's wasting money. She said it was very important to her to show love like this and so on and became furious when I told how stupid it is in general to buy souvenirs or flowers and all these small things to girls because of wasted money.
  • Within the 3 months of being with me now I can remember 3 and a half occasions. The first was when she arrived and saw that I had hung up several frames with photos on my room's walls. On of it was with a girl I have had sex with earlier (my gf and me were in an open relationship, but after experiencing it on her own (that I had other girls), I think she changed her mind about it being okay) which was a christmas present. So my girl arrived and 2 hours later she was like a hurricane. She even crashed the frame and threw it away.
  • The next time was a half. We and a friend was sitting in a bar and I gave that friend my phone. He looked at pictures on it and showed a funny one also with the girl I had fucked. My gf immediately hit the phone, almost throwing 400€ into a glass of beer.
  • The next time was when the room was messy again some weeks later and I told her I care about MY mess in MY room however I want, she didn't felt very home anymore. She then started provocating me with throwing things on my desk where I was surfing the net. I told her I will throw her out of MY room if she wouldn't stop. That's what I did. When I carried her outside against her will she attacked me again. When I made it and locked the room, she smashed and kicked against it for almost an hour.
  • The last time was yesterday night when she was lying in bed, me at the computer. I told her I will massage her a little when I come to bed. After she went for a pee I made the bed free for massaging, but when she came back she just wanted her blanket back because she was cold. I told her to lie on her belly but she insisted on the blanket. So I told her okay no massage then, I'm going to sleep. She was pissed. Later on after she finished watching a love movie, she wanted me - almost asleep - to hug her tightly so she could fall asleep. I ignored and moved away, and boom I felt hands and feet punching against my back pretty hard. After telling her that's not okay and of course NOW I will no way fall asleep with her in my arms, she was even more aggressive, started biting also and so on, claiming for my love and protection this night.
I didn't talk to her for 1 day now after this incident (which is pretty awkward if you live in the same room...) and still don't feel like it. I went to work normally and afterwards had met with a friend alone for some activity and chill, which I have also planned for tomorrow.

So today she had lots of time to think about what she did and she wrote me her thoughts in 5 pages, where she wrote about that her parents had forbidden her many things when she was younger and not received the love of her father that she needed. He was also violent against her which I knew before as it's rather usual in eastern europe countries. So she seeks my love even more and my protection because she was always "locked" away from many activities - her indipendency in doing things like going without me to shopping or disco is just masquerade she writes, in real she wants lots of protection and therefore hates it being pushed away or ignored by me. In general she is very affixed and focused on me, which doesn't matter so much to me when we agree to have alone-time. I also work, so I don't see her 24/7.

She writes that in such an aggressive situation she wants me to keep her very strong and kissing to make her calm instead of ignoring her, but I have been taught to keep my frame, and also personally I will never want to praise bad behaviour, she needs to learn that her actions cause reactions, it seems like I am raising a child stuck in some stage of adolescence. Or a dog. Am I right here or should I act as she tells?
She also points out in her text that she feels my harsh methods are like to children, but she is not one she tells.


The bad thing is I can not do anything verbally or any other way to calm her down, I usually keep her hands down (she's just a fly with 50 kilos/110 lbs) waiting for her to become more calm. I am in no way an aggressive person and never hit her or anything. I know that violence would also solve such situations, unlike people tell "violence doesn't solve anything", it solves many situations very good. But especially after being into game I am the guy that never ever loses his temper, and of course never becomes violent. Maybe because I have been raised with absolutely no violence.

So what's with my girl? Can she change that behaviour? I told her a year ago I will end the relationship immediately when she next time becomes violent like this, but hadn't had the balls to really do it or mention it anymore. I mean she is a very clever, beautiful, fun, extroverted girl to be with, other people around me also like her, she understands many things from evolution and psychology, analyzing situations and such that I had only learnt after getting into the game, reading books, forums, etc. Her traits in combination with her almost perfect waist:hip ratio tell me this must be the mother of my children. EXCEPT this trait. Her aggressive side drives me away, unattractive to the most. I can barely spend a tear for her in any bad situation for the last 8 months. Damn she hit my balls a bit some times. But she is really furious, she doesn't think when she is like this. If one time I am lying or standing in a bad way she will hit my crotch, my eyes, my throat, who knows.

I am asking for help, first I don't know if it's worth keeping her. I have never seen a woman that I would have wanted children with except her (no oneitis srsly here), strong character, yet caring a lot about other people, smart and looking to the future. But violent sometimes.
Second I don't know if she is able to change, because nothing justifies getting physically aggressive against anybody, especially not somebody you love (including future children). I know though that I don't want to continue with her if she cannot stop this.

Any advices? Similar experiences?

Thanks in advance,
Hawk
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