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How do I get over jealousy and distrust issues with my gf?
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Author:  D4v1dM4nn [ Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:32 pm ]
Post subject:  How do I get over jealousy and distrust issues with my gf?
Hey,

Just curious how I should handle getting over jealousy and distrust issues with my girlfriend of six months. Let me explain the situation(s) as short as possible.

My last EX cheated on me - I knew she would - she had cheated in every other relationship so I shouldnt have expected any less... but afterI broke up with her because she cheated - iit kinda left a mark on me and I hold a level of distrust twords relationships in general now.

My CURRENT girlfriend;
She has NOT cheated on me.. and I believe that she wont - she is a really awesome lady. Here's the problem though. In the beginning of the relationship she was "talking" to this other guy and leadinghim on while we were dating. I told her I didnt accept that and she stopped. But it has left a level of distrust with her - because I dont want the same thing that happened in the previous relationship to happen again. So anyhow.. this brings us to our main focus and question...

Yesterday I was going to her house to meet up with her (as we had planned the night before). I got off work and headed over about 10 minutes earlier than I was supposed to (cuz I got off work early). Anyhow - I got to her house and she wasnt there. Her parents told me she went to work to drop off her work keys that she forgot she had taken.. but that it had been over 2 hours since she left to go right down the street.

Mylingering distrust and jealousy hit me right away. I was running thoughts of her out with some other guy and stuff through my head. I called her work - she wasnt there. Called her good friend - she wasnt with her. My girlfriend didnt even pick up the phone when I tried to call (only called once - I didnt want to let her KNOW I was flipping out on the inside.)

Anyhow - several minutes later she calls and says she was with her friend "katie" from work. I didnt believe it and told her I didnt. She came home and explained everything to me (without my asking).

I want to believe her.. and in my head (I know she is telling the truth)... but in my heart... I feel like she is lying and WAS out dickin around. (because of my previous relationship and my distrust / jealousy has effected my attitude).

(p.s... we rarely have sex - we never have anywhere to do it (her or my parents are always home).. so that kinda makes me worry she might be getting something somewhere else since we havnt been able to for a while. But then again - that's probably just my distrust.

How do I get over my distrust/jealousy problems so I am not holding this grudge against her when she didnt do anything to deserve it?

Thank you!
Author:  The Bachelor's Code [ Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Becoming less jealous correlates directly with your self confidence. I have a girlfriend, and she is fun, wild, really attractive....but I never sweat the idea of her doing anything. Never. This could be for a few reasons....

1) Think about if she left you. Think about if you no longer had her and even worse case scenario that she cheated on you. What would you do? Me personally....I would go about my business and start fucking a lot of other women and do whatever the fuck I want. I would forget about her and all she is worth and move onto the next girl. Would it hurt my ego? No, nothing can...it's too big haha. But seriously, girls can be crazy, so the fact that she fucked up and couldn't control herself should have no bearing on my ego.

2) Stop trying to track her down. Stop trying to time how long it takes her to go to the store. Don't try and peak at her phone when she leaves it on the table. Stop asking her questions to try to catch her in a lie. Not that you do all of these thigns...but this is the type of shit that will fuck you up in your own head. This is why you were going "crazy on the inside." Imagine if instead of calling everyone, you just called up your friend and did something completely off the topic of your girlfriend... My girlfriend can leave her phone with me while she goes out all night and no matter how many times it goes off, I will never look at it. I flat out don't give a shit. I didn't used to be like this...it takes training and self discipline. Do you know how often I look at her facebook page? probably once in the past 4 months, because she wanted to show me something on it. So reason 2, in a nutshell....stop looking for shit!

3) So how do you do this? How do you train yourself to no longer be jealous? It all comes down to knowing you have options. When you're not with her, mack it to other chicks. I'm not saying cheat on her, but let yourself know you have options. When she is out, you go out and get your mind off what she is doing. You should be your own man, too busy to worry about where you're girlfriend is.

Honestly, the less you worry about her, the more attracted to you she will become. I tell my girlfriend that she should go out and cheat on me once in a while, just to remind her that no one can fuck her as hard or as good as me. Now she knows better than to do so, but that is the confidence that I project.

It sounds like she is stressing you out more than making your life better. If that's the case then I'd say just end it and find some new girls to fuck around with. I also have a feeling you might be a bit younger than me, high school maybe....which is cool. This is just some of those learning curves you need to experience to become a better man. So try and control that jealousy...it is a completely wasted emotion for us guys. Jealousy is a tool you should use against the women. Get them jealous and they will chase you until no end! Well good luck man!
Author:  thomas the train [ Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's important to try your best not to carry baggage from a previous relationship into this one.

I look at it this way: I think I am a pretty good guy and have a lot to offer a girl. If she chooses to cheat then obviously the relationship isn't worth that much to her. In which case, why would I want to be with someone like that anyway?

It is this rationalization that keeps me from being jealous.
Author:  Conker [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Those posts were awesome, I saved them for my own reference. I'm definitely not overly protective and jealous of a girl once she's finally mine - but BEFORE that, when I'm wooing them and wondering how it's all going and if some other guy is spending more time with her than I am, I could use some words to help frame my mind in a more sensible way, cause sometimes that jealousy can affect the words I use.
Author:  jimbobday [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Gotta say probably the best posts I've ever read about not being jealous in relationships. Wish I had read them before my last one ended :P
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